Adult Chris: [v.o.] I put Junebug in a paper bag, because the only way I was going to be seen with an egg was if it was with a side of bacon.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] It seemed like everyone had advice for raising a baby.
Kill Moves: You need to teach this boy how to protect himself. Now, I suggest the Brazilian two-finger neck snap! Want me to show you how it works?

Rochelle: Boy, did you tell her that?
Drew: What?
Rochelle: I said, did you tell her that?
Drew: I was just playing.
Rochelle: Oh, there's about to be a full moon. Get your behind upstairs. Chris, cover your egg's ears.
Drew: Dang, Tonya.
Rochelle: Now! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop telling your sister all that foolishness!
Julius: Pass the biscuits.
Rochelle: And go get my belt.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Good thing it was Drew getting a beating and not my egg.

Chris: I was scared to tell you what happened. I didn't want you to get mad.
Rochelle: See, Chris? That's my point. If your real child was missing, would you hide it from me?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes.
Chris: No.
Julius: Would you steal a White kid and paint him brown?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes.
Chris: No, sir.
Julius: See, you thinking about the wrong thing. The hardest thing about being a father is not learning how to care for somebody; it's learning how to quit thinking so much about yourself.

Rochelle: You know, I can't let you go to class with a fake egg.
Chris: But I'm going to get an "F."
Rochelle: No, you're not.
Chris: Junebug? What?
Rochelle: Monk brought it over. Apparently, when you weren't paying attention, it got mixed in with another customer's groceries.
Chris: Well, why didn't you tell me you had it?
Rochelle: Why didn't you tell me you lost it? [throws the egg to Chris] Here. And the next time you bring a baby in my house, you better bring his mother, and she better be your wife.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] What I thought would be an easy "A" ended up being one of the hardest grades I've ever earned.
Chris: You know, I made fun of you for taking this project so seriously, but I actually learned something.
Greg: Me too. Women are nuts and private school's expensive.

Girl: When you say "care for the egg"...
Ms. Morello: You mean the baby.
Girl: The baby. How do you mean?
Ms. Morello: You have to treat your egg like it's a real baby.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They were a lot more advanced on this subject in my old school.
[flashback to a teacher addressing a class full of girls who all have babies with them:]
Teahcer: So the assignment is to treat your egg like it's a real baby.
Girl: Do we have to do this?

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Instead of caring about my egg, I was cooking up a scheme.
Chris: I think I'm gonna boil it. That way it won't break.
Greg: You'd boil your child?
Chris: Man, you're taking this way too seriously.
Greg: I think this project is great. It's just like life.
Chris: I've been taking care of my brother and sister for years. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take this thing home. I'm gonna put it in the refrigerator, and then when Friday comes, all I have to do is tell the class the same thing I've been doing for the past 13 years.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Which is, "Get a job!"
Greg: Chris, your egg! [Chris manages to catch his egg as it falls out of his locker] Am I going to have to call Child Protective Services on you?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At least I didn't dangle my egg over a balcony like Michael Jackson.

Chris: It's not a real baby; it's an egg.
Rochelle: It's Chris's new school project.
Drew: Oh, cool. So what's the baby's name?
Chris: I didn't really name it.
Julius: Can we call him Junebug?
Chris: Junebug? What kind of name is Junebug?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's better than what I was thinking of, The Incredible Edible Baby.

Rochelle: I'm going to show you just how hard it is to raise a baby, and if any of y'all catch Chris mistreating this child, you better let me know, 'cause if you do, you're gonna get a lot worse than an F. Now let's eat. Where you going?
Chris: I'm gonna go get ready to eat.
Rochelle: Nuh-uh. No, you're not. Don't you hear that baby crying? You feed him first, and then you eat. Now get that screaming child out of here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If this happened now, I'd try to get Madonna to adopt my egg.