Monk: What you got in this bag, boy? What kind of rations you got?
Chris: Careful! It's not lunch. It's an egg.
Monk: Hey, man, what's that, a booby trap or something, man?! You trying to kill me?They must have sent you to kill me, didn't they? You been ordered by my commanding officers, huh?
Chris: No, it's my class project. I'm supposed to take care of it like it's a baby for a week. And if anything happens to it, I get an "F."
Monk: What you mean, "If anything happens"? I'll tell you what happens. Try landing a helicopter at night in the middle of a sandstorm in the Iranian desert. "If anything happens." What if they don't tell you there's a sandstorm, huh? "If anything happens." What if your commanding officer doesn't tell you you'll be taking fire from the left or to the right or there's even going to be a sandstorm? "If anything happens." It's because you're commanding officer sent you on a mission that he knew was going to fail! "If anything happens." Boy, if all you got to do is take that egg and carry that egg around for one week and keep it alive? Boy, you don't know how good you got it. [scoffs] "If anything happens."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What you talking about, Monk?
Chris: Sure do hope you're right.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Growing-up in Bed-stuy, the worst thing my mother always said was that we better not bring home any babies. In fact, my mother was so paranoid, she didn't like anything in the house that even reminded her of a baby.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Boy! Is that a baby?
Drew: No, it's a football.
Rochelle: Is that a baby?
Tonya: No, it's a shoebox.
Rochelle: Is that a baby?
Chris: No. It's baby carrots.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was so scared of bringing home babies, to this day my mother has never seen my kids.

Rochelle: I have an announcement to make. We have a new addition to the family.
Julius: What? You having a baby?
Tonya: He ain't sleeping in my room.
Rochelle: I'm not having a baby. Chris did.
Tonya: I thought you said if we bring home a baby, you'd slap the Similac out of us.