Cliff: So, Norm, how's Vera? Any luck getting her in the family way yet?
Norm: Still working on it.
Man: Hey, Norm, you want a kid?
Norm: Not really. I'm just kinda going along with it to shut Vera up. Says she wants to start a family so she'll have something to do.
Cliff: Poor Norm here's been shooting blanks for the last couple of months.
Norm: Little louder, Cliff, huh? We'll dance to it.
Cliff: Hey, don't worry, Normie. You'll be planting your seed before you know it.
Norm: I hope so. The doc says if something doesn't happen soon, we may have to take a drastic step.
Cliff: You mean...?
Norm: Sleep together.
Cliff: Our prayers are with you, big guy.

Coach: [answers phone] Cheers. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's here. I'll give him the message. Normie, it's Vera. She says to hurry home. Her cycle is at its peak.
Norm: Again? Her cycle has more peaks than the Adirondacks.
Cliff: Hey, all systems are go there, big fella.
Norm: Even Secretariat got to wait till he was in the mood once in a while.

Coach: Listen, Diane, have you given any thought about stopping by the place and saying hello to everybody?
Diane: Coach, that wouldn't be a good idea. Why? Does anyone there ask about me?
Coach: No, that Carla won't let them. Diane, listen, I want you to come back to Cheers and have a talk with Sam.
Diane: Talk with S- [stutters]
Coach: Yes, it's very important.
Diane: Maybe S- [stutters]... Maybe the bartender there didn't tell you about our last conversation, but it ended in wrath and acrimony. I vowed never to return to Cheers. And I want to make this clear to you, nothing in heaven or hell will ever get me back there. Sam.
Coach: Diane, you might be my last chance. Sam's boozing again.
Diane: Oh, dear. Poor S- [stutters] Poor, dear S- [stutters]
Coach: ..am!

Sam: Come on, cut it out, Carla. Diane's not coming back here. [Sam picks up Coach's clip-on tie and puts it back on him] She said she's not coming back.
Coach: Well, she just might come by.
Sam: What makes you say that?
Coach: Because I asked her.
Sam: You- [rips off Coach's tie] Come on, what the hell did you do that for?
Coach: I knew you were gonna hate this. But please just listen to what she has to say. Promise me.
Sam: Oh. Oh, I know what this is all about. It's this drinking crap, isn't it, Coach? How many times do I have to tell you I'm drinking because I like it, because it tastes good, and because I want to. Oh, God. Coach, I don't want to see Diane Chambers.
Coach: [rips his own tie off] Well, you're going to have to see her because she'll be here any second now!

Carla: God! We are all sitting around here like we're at the Queen's tea, and that thing is on its way. In fact, it's very close. I can sense it. [gasps as she looks out the window, which Diane bends down to look through] Ugh! It's here! And it's going to walk in and say something.

Coach: Oh, for God's sakes, will you stop it, Sam? You've been boozing with two hands ever since Diane walked out on you.
Diane: Sam, I'm so sorry.
Sam: You know, you both are crazier than hell! I threw her out of here and my drinking has got nothing - repeat nothing - to do with Diane Chambers. You hear that everybody?
All: Nothing!
Sam: No, you're all wrong.
All: Sorry!
Sam: I did start drinking when she left. I was celebrating. Celebrating the day I got rid of you. You hear that, everybody?
All: Celebrating!

Sam: Are you listening to this, guys?
Norm: Sammy, I just want to say this becauseyou're my friend, right? Don't get all defensive, but maybe you are drinking a little more than you should.
Sam: Well, so are you.
Norm: I already have a mother, lush face. Sorry, I just think maybe you ought to hear the guy out.

Sam: Okay. If I go see this guy and he tells me that I'm just a happy, well-adjusted souse, which he will, if the quack has a brain in his head, would you all please leave me alone?
Diane: Of course. Won't we?
All: Yeah, sure.
Sam: OK, fine. Tell him to drop by. I'll try to fit him in between dames.
Diane: Why don't you say hello to him right now?
Frasier: Hello, Sam. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm sorry I startled you.
Sam: This is weird.
Frasier: Diane told me that you're basically a good, open-minded person and you would be responsive, so I took the liberty of dropping by a little early.
Sam: She actually said something nice about me, huh?
Frasier: She says a lot of nice things about you.
Sam: Really?
Frasier: So what say we go somewhere and have a cup of coffee and... get to know each other?

Cliff: Hey, everybody. I'm back from my Florida vacation. Yeah, good to be home again, back with the old gang. Hey, how you been, pal? Glad to, buddy. Ah, look at that. Here's the old bar, huh? It hasn't changed a bit.
Man: Hey, you're back! Good to see you.
Cliff: Hey, it's good to be back.
Man: Oh, it's you. You know, from behind you looked like a friend of mine.
Cliff: Oh, hey, you kidder. I'll get you for that.

Cliff: Guess who, buddy.
Norm: Hey, Cliffie. Missed you the last couple of days.
Cliff: I've been gone two weeks, Norm.
Norm: I know.
Cliff: [laughs] Oh, God, I missed this guy!