Lilith: Oh, I can't stand this anymore. Look, Louis, if you're going to shoot someone, shoot me. I won't go back with you, and you don't want me back. I'd only make you more miserable.
Dr. Pascal: I can't shoot you, Lilith.
Lilith: Well, you're going to have to do it, Louis. That's the only way to end this. Give me the gun, Louis.
Dr. Pascal: [sobbing] I'm sorry, Lilith!
John: Well, Sam, thanks for another delightful evening at Cheers. We must do it again sometime.
Sam: I'm, uh, sorry about this, John. Next time you come on down, drinks are on the house.
John: Oh, then it's all worthwhile.

Sam: [rings doorbell incessantly] Carla! Carla! [John Allen Hill opens the door] Oh. I'm... I'm sorry. You know, I didn't know you were going to be here.
John: And now you do. [closes door]
Sam: Uh... Wait a minute. Come back! Hey, let me in, will you? I locked myself out of the bar. I need to borrow Carla's keys.
John: Fine. Carla! Sam's here.
Sam: Hey, you know what? I could borrow your keys to Melville's.
John: Yes, you could. Carla!

Carla: Hey. What's up, Sammy?
Sam: Oh, well, l, uh... My date didn't turn out, and I locked myself out of the bar, and so I need to borrow your keys.
Carla: You have my set.
Sam: No, I don't.
Carla: Yeah. Remember? Woody lost his, so you gave him yours, and then you took mine, and then he lost yours again.
John: [yawns] Oh, I do hope you haven't sold the movie rights to this fascinating story.

Carla: Hey, why don't you go over to Rebecca's? I mean, she offered, right?
Sam: No, no, no, no. I said some stuff. I don't want her to throw it back in my face.
Carla: Well, I guess you could stay here for the night.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! All right, thanks. Yeah.
Carla: Look, Sammy...
Sam: What?
Carla: No matter what you hear, no matter how much I scream or call for help, do not open the bedroom door, got it?
John: Ditto for me, too, Sam.
Sam: Oh, no, no, no, uh, listen maybe, uh I... I tell you what. I know a guy who's got a hotel near...
John: Fabulous idea! [closes door]
Carla: [opens hatch] Good night, Sam.

John: Oh. Oh, um, one other thing. Our, uh, garbage area seems to be strewn with beer cans that appear to have been crushed against someone's forehead.
Sam: Oh.
Carla: I warned you about that.
Phil: Hey, I get crazy!
Sam: Don't- Don't- Don't worry about it, John. I'll, uh I'll take care of that right away.
John: Also, your red Corvette seems to be parked in my space.
Sam: Oh, no. Now- Now, John, I've- I've always parked in that space.
John: Not any longer.
Sam: Uh, fine. All- All right. Uh, I'll move it.
John: Of course you will.
[John wipes his feet on the newly-appointed doormat and climbs the stairs to his restaurant]

John: Valerie, what are you doing down here? I asked you never to come down here.
Valerie: I just wanted to get the right amount on the check.
John: Well, I was perfectly pleased with the amount as written. Besides, I don't want you associating with the element that hangs around in this bar. Wipe your hands.

John: Come to Papa, Peaches.
Rebecca: Oh, no, no, don't, wait, hold it. You know, there's a joint right around the corner and they sell these carpet cleaning machines. This hot water shoots right into the bristles and it really cleans it up fast!
John: Sounds like fun.
Rebecca: No, I really better be going. You're fast.
John: And agile.

Rebecca: Oh, I just forgot my- Wha- Who are they?
Sam: Uh, this is not what you think.
Hope: Gee, we never met a big Hollywood producer before.
Sam: All right, it's, it's what you think.
Rebecca: Sam, Sam, look at us.
Sam: I know, I know.
Rebecca: Do you know what he's doing here?
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: He's playing us against each other.
Sam: You're right. This is disgusting. You can't make us act like this. You know something? You can keep those stupid old rooms. All bets are off. Come on, let's go.
John: I'm sorry you feel that way. [to the twins] So did Sam explain the part you'll be reading for?

Sam: All right, listen. Here's her check and here's mine. That makes $30,000.
John: Well, thank you very much. Enjoy your pool room. Oh, and you should rest well in the knowledge that this $30,000 will pay nicely for that screen test. Good news, girls! We're going to Hollywood!
Sam & Rebecca: Eww!