Diane: Romance is in the air, Sam.
Sam: Well, I'm a little busy, but I suppose...
Diane: Oh, Sam!

Diane: If you could see past your codpiece, you'd notice I was referring to that gentleman over there.
Sam: Hank?
Diane: Yeah, he's been watching Carla all week. Haven't you seen how he gives her her those mooney-eyed looks? It's almost embarrassing. If he were any more overcome with desire, there'd be drool on his chin.
Sam: Excuse me. [wipes Diane's chin] What were you saying?
Diane: Well, for whatever reason, he's attracted to Carla, but he doesn't seem to be able to get started. I think I should help him.
Diane: No, you shouldn't. We'll compromise. I'll help him.
Sam: I knew we could work this out.

Diane: Henry, I'm going to put it right on the line. How do you feel about Carla?
Hank: You mean the waitress with the foul mouth, nasty disposition and what looks to be a real mean wallop?
Diane: That's the one.
Hank: She's the hottest thing walking.
Diane: Would you like to get to know her? I think I can arrange it.
Hank: You think so? I've been trying to get to her all week. She acts like I'm contagious.
Diane: Has she actually made any retching noises?
Hank: No.
Diane: You're in.

Carla: You're Hank?
Hank: Yeah. How do you do.
Carla: Shut up and answer a few questions. First of all, where'd you come from all of a sudden? We never saw you in here before.
Hank: I don't really get out that much.
Carla: He's married.
Hank: No, no, Carla. I'm single.
Carla: You ever been married?
Hank: No.
Carla: Gay as a goose.
Hank: Carla. Carla.
Carla: What?
Hank: I like women. Some women very much.
Carla: Hooker bait.
Hank: Carla, I don't mind being put through my paces. In fact, I'm always one to enjoy a good game. I hope this one gets better.

Carla: We came from the game. We killed the Oilers 28 to 3. [cheers] Hank has the great season seats.
Hank: Yeah, [in unison] spitting distance from the visitors' bench. [both chuckle]
Carla: Listen, Hank, thanks a lot. I had a great time.
Hank: I did, too. Do you want to meet for a light supper?
Carla: I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you before. We're through. Beat it.

Diane: Carla, what did you find wrong with him?
Carla: Nothing.
Diane: Well, why-
Carla: Look, I do not want to talk about it. I want to be left alone. Sam, what do you need from your office?
Sam: Nothing.
Carla: I'll go see if you have any.

Carla: What are you doing here, Sam?
Sam: I just wanted to come in and see if you wanted to talk. That's all.
Carla: I don't.
Sam: Okay.
Carla: Sam, this guy is perfect in every other way. The only thing left is that he must be lousy in bed. Who needs it?
Sam: You know, from over here, it seems like you're just afraid to go with this. Being vulnerable.
Carla: Vulnerable?
Sam: It's just a word I picked up somewhere.

Sam: Who's jerking who here? Come on, Carla. You you know, you always say you're tough. You talk tough, you act tough. You're not tough. Tough guys take chances. You're a chicken.
Carla: Don't ever call me that.
Sam: Ah. Ah. That's what you are, Carla. You're a chicken. [bawks]
Carla: Hey, hey, hey. I want to go with you. You have been cruising on your looks for too long, buddy.
Sam: I'm not going to fight you.
Carla: Yeah, you are. Let's go! [punches Sam]
Sam: [restrains Carla] Hey, Carla, come on. You're half my size. [Carla grabs Sam's hand and squeezes, she bits his arm and kicks him in the shin] Ow, ow, That's dirty!
Carla: Nobody calls me chicken. I'm going to go out there and be so vulnerable, I'm going to go open myself to happiness like a banshee. Hey, Sam, can I have the night off? [Sam accidentally hits his head under his table as he tries to get up]
Sam: Ow.
Carla: Thanks.

Diane: Sam? Sam, what happened? Are you all right?
Sam: Don't worry. Don't worry. She didn't hurt any of the good stuff.

Coach: Wait a minute. I agree with Cliff. Cheers is a romantic bar. I mean, you take even a poor guy like Hank with his terrible problem. He can get a girl.
Sam: Coach, what terrible problem?
Coach: Oh, well, sorry, I can't talk about it. Hank told me not to.
Sam: Coach, this could be kind of important. Can you give us a hint or something?
Coach: A hint? OK, I got one. Uh... Lefty Cramer.
Sam: Lefty Cramer, the old third baseman?
Coach: Right. Lefty has the same problem that Hank has.
Sam: Hank can't hit a breaking pitch?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, poor Carla, huh?
Norm: She'll be crushed.