Diane: Call. Just call.
Sam: What am I supposed to say?
Norm: I don't know. Tell her to look over on the next pillow, and count the dead people.

Diane: I wonder if we're too late.
Sam: Well, there's only one way to find out.
Diane: No, no, Sam. Well, we can't just burst in on them. That's a gaucherie. Besides, we might actually see them.
Sam: Well, what were we planning to do?
Diane: Well, let's make loud noises to draw their attention. [Sam and Diane clear their throats]
Sam: Fire!
Diane: No, Sam. You'll startle him.
Sam: Oh, my God. I hope I didn't blow it.
Diane: Sam, that's so disgusting. Can you hear anything?
Sam: Not a thing.
Diane: Isn't that funny. I thought Carla would be the type to make noises.

[As Sam and Diane listen intent at the bedroom door, Carla and Hank enter the apartment]
Hank: Hello there.
Sam: Ooh, ooh, they're just starting.
Carla: What the hell's going on here?
Sam: You see...
Diane: We thought you were in there.
Carla: Were you looking for pointers?

Sam: Hank, I'm sorry for intruding, but Coach said you had a heart condition.
Hank: Did he?
Sam: Did he make a mistake?
Hank: No, he's right. I have a serious problem.
Carla: You do?
Diane: He also said that any exertion would be very dangerous for you.
Sam: Yeah, so we thought we'd catch you before you and Carla...
Hank: Exerted.
Sam: Yeah.

Hank: I just got so carried away, I didn't stop to think what it might do to you.
Carla: I don't know what to think about all this.
Hank: I guess I'd better leave.
Sam: Hey, Hank, couldn't you and Carla just be good friends, real good friends?
Hank: No. I don't want to be just friends with Carla. It would drive me crazy to be so close to you and not touch you.
Carla: Hear that, beanpole?
Hank: Carla, I'm sorry I disappointed you.
Carla: Wait, wait, wait a minute. I just thought of something. In a way, I think maybe you and I were perfect together. See, we never had an argument, right? Not a harsh word. No one looking in another direction.
Diane: Yes. It's like an incredibly delicate flower. It doesn't matter how long it lasts.
Carla: Hey, whitey, this is my moment here.
Diane: I'm sorry.
Carla: In a way, Hank, I'll always remember you as the best lover I ever had.
Hank: Carla. [kisses her] Goodbye.