Cliff: Romance in this bar is kind of an inspiration. You know, you, Diane, Carla, Hank there. Seeing you all makes me kind of think somewhere out there there's somebody for me. [Norm scoffs] Well, there are those that would disagree.
Norm: I'm sorry, Cliff. Just a picture came to mind of you in the sack. [laughs] I see your mailbag draped over a chair, next to your gabardines.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah?
Norm: That's as far as I wanted to look.

Coach: Come on. Keep thinking. Think. What problem did Lefty have?
Sam: Well, he was ugly as a mud fence. I remember that. He was a bad dresser. Oh, he used to spit tobacco juice all over.
Diane: Could we forget Lefty? What's wrong with Hank, Coach?
Sam: Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I got it. Coach, Lefty had a heart problem.
Coach: That's it. Hank has the same thing. I mean, the least bit of excitement, wham, bam it's curtains.
Diane: Coach, how about sex?
Coach: Diane, please! I thought you were Sam's girl.
Diane: Coach, I'm talking about Hank.
Coach: Hank is seeing Carla. [to Sam] Are you listening to this?

Diane: Come on. We've got to stop them.
Sam: We've got to warn Carla. I mean, what a shock if the guy were to drop dead in Carla's own bed.
Diane: Oh, God. She's in my apartment.
Sam: You're kidding.
Diane: Well, that's the last time I let somebody have a great time in my bedroom.

Sam: The line's busy.
Cliff: Oh, that means she's calling an ambulance, huh?
Diane: Cliff, now stop it. We don't have to jump to conclusions. Look, a lot of people when they're having a romantic evening, they take the phone off the hook. They don't want anyone to interrupt their intimacies.
Sam: How come we never did that?
Diane: I might miss an important call.

Sam: You know, it's my fault. I practically pushed them into this.
Diane: I'm going, too.
Cliff: I'll go with you. I know CPR.
Norm: I'll go. I'm a CPA.

Carla: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me you could have died?
Hank: Carla... Yeah. It could have happened. Sex is OK for most people with heart problems. I'm just one of those rare cases that makes it chancy. Maybe if we didn't get wild...
Carla: Are you kidding? I've almost killed off guys with good pumps.

Diane: Oh, Carla. Well, now I've seen past your little masquerade and there's a bond between us that can never be broken. I'm going to capture my feelings right now while they're fresh and put them on the pages ofn my diary.
Carla: Uh, wait, Diane. It's right here. We were laughing about it at dinner.

Carla: I am not going to forget this. Of all the rotten things guys have done to me, this is the rottenest. My instincts were right.
Hank: Carla, I should have told you. I just didn't want to spoil it.
Carla: Spoil it? O,h I would have felt great, waking up tomorrow with a stiff next to me.
Sam: Well, at least you wouldn't have had to feed him breakfast.
Diane: Hank, why would you take such a risk?
Hank: How could I not? Carla, I've been so careful for so long. Then I met you and I just didn't care. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to take the risk.
Carla: Wow. You're nuts.

Hank: Excuse me, cutie.
Carla: Cutie? Who do you think you're talking to?
Hank: Her.
Carla: Better be.
Hank: Well, as long as you're here.
Carla: I ain't here.
Diane: Oh, what's the matter? Did we get up on the the wrong side of the web this morning?
Carla: I hate it when they call me cutie.
Diane: Well, I do know how you feel. Earlier, a customer had the effrontery to refer to me as "honey".
Carla: But that makes sense. Honey is bee barf. [Sam chuckles]
Diane: Did that snort mean we were amused?
Sam: No, no, definitely not. That was a snort of disapproval.

Hank: Sam, I've got to tell you, you've got one of the cutest cocktail waitresses I've ever seen.
Diane: Oh, stop. I'm blushing.
Hank: I meant you.
Carla: So what?
Hank: Sorry.
Carla: You sure are.