Eric: Cory, get out of that car. It's not safe. You'll kill yourself. Mr. Feeny, enjoy the ride!

Eric: I've been sleeping since I was five.

Eric: Aw, Mr. Feeny, I worked really hard on this. Where did I go wrong?
Mr. Feeny: I'd have to say the fifth grade when you took that ride in the dryer.
Eric: Yeah, but if it wasn't for that my hair would still look like Cory's.

Alan: You took a job as a security guard?
Amy: Why would you possibly want to do that?
Eric: Oh, only for about ten reasons. One: walkie-talkie. Two: partner. Three: dog. Four: partner, sometimes we switch partner. Five: you want me to keep going? Six: I pack heat.
Amy: You carry a gun?
Eric: No, heater. It gets cold out there in the shed.

Eric: I paid $200 for this dress and I'm never gonna get to wear it again.

Eric: Okay guys, I've been silent long enough. I've been working on a theory: Men are idiots.
Everybody: What?!
Eric: No, wait, there's more. Men are big idiots.

Shawn: Eric, you're the only one not raising your hand. Why is that?
Eric: That's right, because I'm the extension.
Jack: You mean exception? Was today's word exception?
Eric: No, today's word was pertinent, but I didn't think that was ... having anything to do with the situation.

Eric: Hey Cor, Pangers.

Eric: Nice legs, Feeny.

Eric: I just feel a woman of your age should be out there doing something productive.
Amy: Oh, yeah. What do you call raising three children?
Eric: Done. Hatched. Raised.