Eric: I'm the chosen one. I'm protected. I've got an invisible shield all over my body.

Eric: Do I get cookies?
Rachel: No.
Eric: How about a cracker?
Rachel: 'nuttin.
Eric: Mutton?

Eric: You know, some guys use a golden retriever, I figured why not use the weasel right here?

Eric: I was looking down the end of the receiver and there was this schmutz on it. I'm not sure if it was dried vomit or gum. It tasted more like gum.

Eric: The problem is if Morgan goes south. If she actually, well, croaks. It's gonna put a damper on the entire party. Which is why we get horsey rides.

Eric: This has been one of the greatest days of my life. I'm telling you something, Mr. Feeny, I think I've finally found my niece.
Mr. Feeny: Niche.
Eric: "Nitch?"

Eric: I've been reading a lot about this guy named Gandhi. Now Gandhi's an Indian. A Cherokee, I think, but that's really not what's important.

Eric: Duckies rule! You see, I had duckies when I was growing up and I turned out fine.

Eric: You are going to live in that house next to my parents until you die or until I die, whichever one comes first. Although, you know, it will probably be you because you're, what, eighty?

Eric: You're so cool I'm going to have mom cut all the feet of your pajamas, because you may just be ready.