Gob: [laughs] Oh-ho-ho! Michael, you did it! You didn't know that Barry was in jail? [laughs] God, this is so This is hysterical. This is priceless. One for the ages, Dad. No, this is never gonna get out of my system. [laughing breathlessly]
Michael: You okay?
Gob: What made you think Buster was in jail? Two seconds ago, you thought that he was gonna kill you.
Michael: True.
George Sr.: Gob, Buster is in jail.
Gob: Oh. Right. We were just there. Michael made an honest mistake. Geez, I hope Buster doesn't kill us for laughing.

Gob: By the way, guys, as far as the Bluth company float goes, I bet you guys are thinking, uh, will he, won't he?
George Sr.: "Willy Wondy?"
Michael: Who's Willy Wondy?
George Sr.: "Will he, won't he" do magic on our float.
Lucille: Won't he.
Gob: Tony? Did you say Tony?
Lucille: Won't he.
Gob: Wonder. What? Why are you trying to say "Tony Wonder"?
Michael: No one's saying Tony-
Gob: Stay out of it, Mike. Why are you saying Tony Wonder? Is he doing a trick or something?
Lucille: No one's saying that or asking anything.
Gob: Good. Let's keep it that way. Anyway, you're probably saying or wondering- Now I'm doing it. [laughs] Why I won't be doing a magic show on our float. And the answer is: because I've been asked to do so on another float. A great company, Laguna Closet Conversions. Know those guys? It's not what you think. They, like, convert closets to, like, organize and stuff.
Michael: Who would think anything different?
Narrator: This geo-bead would.

Narrator: Gob, desperate to push his feelings back into the closet, decided conversion therapy was the only answer. Although, it's worth noting he didn't do a lot of research.
Salesman #1: Plus, it's great for your resale value. How's your resale value now?
Narrator: Gob didn't want to let on that he didn't know what "resale value" was gay slang for.
Gob: I've never had any complaints.
Salesman #2: Well, let's talk about you. The more we know about you, the happier you're gonna be with your results.
Gob: I love Tony Wonder. I guess you want the details. Anyway, it's...
Narrator: Gob told the closet salesmen all about his night with Tony, and how devastated he was by being ghosted.
Salesman #1: You know, I think we should put him in the Catalina cedar walk-in with the pocket doors and the floor lighting.
Narrator: And that's when Gob realized his mistake. But keep in mind, we edited, like, an hour out of this.
Gob: What are the confidentiality laws concerning people who walk into a closet store?

Gob: Look, what I'm saying is, if this trick goes off like I think and the yahoos in the stands don't realize that... [over speaker] all we're doing is just folding some clothes and slipping through our trapdoors and crawling under the float to switch closets, then-
Tony Wonder: Right. When you come sashaying out like Ms. Berry Zuckerkorn.
Gob: And you're as straight as Bob Loblaw at a high school prom. [chuckles]
Tony Wonder: I don't know who that is.
Gob: Oh, he's an attorney we were forced to use one year and he... I guess he likes them young.

Adhir: I have all the books here. Coming through. Including the ones Gob can't look at. Do you want the Austero-Bluth or just the Bluth books?
Gob: Well, I can only look at the Bluth books. The Austero books are for British eyes only, as they say.

Gob: Michael, if, look, I'm the co-president, okay? There's only room at this company for one co-president. What's next? You're gonna want one of my parking spaces, Michael?
Michael: I didn't know that I was co-president myself. All right? I'm just here to help. I'm not going to trump you.
Gob: Oh, well, Michael, don't worry, 'cause I already went there. Saturday and Sunday semester. Best 17K Mom and Dad ever spent.

George Michael: Hey, Gob, we want to beat Mailer Daemon to the punch.
Maeby: Come to Fakeblock. Be our president.
George Michael: You won't need to get your e-mail redelivered.
Maeby: Yeah. You already know the lay of the office.
George Michael: You won't have to learn new snacks.
Maeby: And everybody knows you, so there won't be gaining everyone's respect. And the best part is, you get paid in stock.
George Michael: Right. Money never has to change hands.
Gob: I'm listening.
George Michael: That's it. We're done talking.
Maeby: Mm-hmm.
Gob: Can I get back to you?
George Michael: Yeah.
Gob: I'm in.
George Michael: Great!
Gob: Well, looks like I'm gonna need that office space after all. This is not gonna be an easy conversation.

Argyle Austero: That sends a message that conversion therapy works, which will hurt us. And we're the ones doing the hurting.
Gob: Oh, right, then there'd be less gays that would suck the gays out.
Argyle Austero: No.
Gob: I mean, off.
Argyle Austero: Because it's a destructive sham that thinks that homosexuality can be cured through shame and fear, you pathetic little dipshit.

Argyle Austero: We got as much of the cement off as we could. Don't need it traced back to us. You mention this to anyone, and this is the last sound you're going to hear. [tap dances]
Gob: You're gonna tap-dance on my grave?
Argyle Austero: Oh, hell, you saw the matinee. Out you go. Chop-chop. I want it off my floor and somewhere no one will find it. I don't have all day. I've got to get out of these work clothes. I have house seats for Chita Rivera tonight.
Gob: I don't know who he is. Stupid day to take an Uber.

Michael: You hired a president?
Maeby: Yeah, we had to, in order to put the company on the market. But the guy I got is kind of an expert at creating the illusion of success.
Michael: Please don't tell me that you made Gob the president.
Gob: Did somebody wonder... [crashes buggy] if somebody else made Gob the president? I wonder.
Michael: Catchphrase could use some pruning.