[flashback:]
Nicky: So then the ball's coming right at you, but there's not even enough time to raise your hands, so you bump the ball off your head into the air... Whoosh! Right into the bucket to beat the buzzer. What are the odds?
Mike: I forgot all about that. That was a great game.
Nicky: Yeah.
Mike: Yeah.
Frankie: [yawns] Yeah. Ugh!
Nicky: We make a good team. You hit the shot. I wiped your sweat up off the floor.
Mike: Hey, I never slipped once.]
Nicky: Oh, and then remember you told Tracy that you were too woozy to drive home, 'cause you hit the ball on your head, so you had to go home with her. Ah, you dog.
Frankie: Okay. Mrs. Dog, right here.

[flashback:]
Nicky: Uh-oh. You're upset. Mike, I made your new wife upset.
Frankie: I'm not upset.
Nicky: Here. Let me make you... An "I'm sorry" s'more. The secret is to shimmy. Don't yank. Shimmy. Taste the difference that the shimmy makes.
Frankie: Thanks, but-
Nicky: You gotta try it. It's good. [feeds Frankie the s'more]
Frankie: Mmm. Yeah. That's tasty. But I'm still kinda full from all the cake. From our wedding... Earlier today.
Nicky: Oh. Hey, I get it. Message received. You don't gotta tell me twice. If there's one thing you can say about Nicky Kohlbrenner, he knows when he's not wanted. He knows it a lot. Okay. There was an order I packed it so it all fit.

[flashback:]
Nicky: There's no chance you're ever looking up Tracy again, right? You mind if I take a crack at that?
Mike: Hey, knock yourself out. [thunder crashes] Well, bye now. [rain pours]
Nicky: Right when I was about to leave. What are the odds?
Mike: Why don't you stay until the rain stops?
Nicky: Whoo. Wow. I guess I had to get lost to find a true friend. [throws his bag in the tent and climbs in] Oh, these scented candles are nice.

[flashback:]
Frankie: Seriously, Mike?
Mike: What? Frankie, what am I supposed to do? You think I'm happy about this?
Frankie: I don't know. Maybe you are. We've only been married one day. I don't know you that well. Maybe you're the kind of guy who hangs out with his buddies all the time and ignores his wife! You may have just shown me a side of you I don't know if I like.
Mike: Well, I thought you were sweet and caring, but I guess you're the kind of girl that sends a lost guy out into the rain! Maybe you just showed me a side of you that I don't know if I'd like.
Nicky: [o.s.] Are these chocolates for everybody?
Frankie: Great. Neither of us likes each other, and now we're having our first fight! It's not bad enough that we're camping on our honeymoon, and now we're fighting.
Mike: You were excited about camping!
Frankie: I said, "Oh, wow." That's not excited! That's lying! You don't know me at all!
Mike: You know, the guy did say, "For better or worse."
Frankie: Well, I didn't know you'd be leading with worse!

Mike: Okay! I screwed up. I took you camping on our honeymoon, which is apparently the worst idea ever. It rained, and an annoying guy from my high school showed up, and we had a fight. But it was 19 years ago, Frankie. 19 years! We got three kids! It worked out! Why won't you let this go?
Frankie: Because... I can't.
Mike: Okay, fine, then sulk. Sulk just like you did then.
Frankie: I didn't sulk!
Mike: Yes, you did. You sulked all night, and you couldn't let it go.
Frankie: I tried to make up with you!
Mike: What?
Frankie: That's right. In the tent. I tried to make up with you!

[flashback:]
Frankie: Mike? Mike, the rain stopped. He's gone. Aw. I'm sorry, Mike. [moaning] [kissing]
Nicky: Ohh.
Frankie: [screams]
Nicky: I'm kidding. I knew it was you.
Frankie: You're not Mike!
Nicky: Oh, you and everybody else. It's like I'm talking to my father all over again.
Frankie: Get out! Get out, get out, get out, get out!
Nicky: Okay. We're in a tent here. It's just us.
Frankie: Get out!
Nicky: You know, in an alternate universe, you and I could have been very happy together.
Frankie: Get out.

Mike: What?
Frankie: That's right, Mike. I almost consummated our marriage with Nicky Kohlbrenner!
Mike: What?!
Frankie: I thought it was you!
Mike: How could you think it was me?
Frankie: Why would I think it wasn't you? There was one man in the tent. I assumed it was my new husband. You know, seeing as it was our honeymoon and all!
Mike: I went for a walk.
Frankie: Who goes for a walk on their honeymoon?!

Mike: What are you yelling at me for? You're the one that kissed the guy. You know how many people I kissed since we got married? You! I think I deserve a freebie.
Frankie: Fine! Be my guest! Got anyone in mind?
Mike: Oh, I got a few in mind. Maybe some that you might not expect.
Frankie: You got nothin'.
Mike: No. But you know what it is, Frankie? 19 years later, and we're still having the same argument, and you know why? Because you don't know how to go with the flow. And until you learn how to go with the flow, you'll never get camping!
Frankie: I was trying to create some memories!
Mike: Well, you got 'em!

Axl: Oh! What's with the screaming?
Frankie: There's a bear, and Sue got her period!
Axl: What?
Frankie: Run. Run. Everybody get to the car. Bear! Bear! My daughter's got her period! Everybody run! Run away!
Mike: Really, Sue? Now?!
Sue: I couldn't help it.
Frankie: It's a girl with her period! There have been studies! Make way!
Sue: Mom, you said you weren't gonna tell!

Sue: Wait. Where's Brick? Brick!
Axl: I don't know. He said something earlier about going to look at the stars.
Mike: Oh, God. He's out there by himself, and it's my fault. Why did I tell him not to read?
Sue: Oh, no. He's so little. He's gonna be like an appetizer!
Mike: I gotta go find him.
Brick: I'm right here.
Mike: Oh, Brick! Oh, you scared us! We thought you were out there looking at stars.
Brick: I was. [holds up "Nightwatch" book]
Mike: Jeez, Brick, you still don't get it, do you? I thought I explained-
Frankie: Mike, not the time!
Mike: Oh, damn it. The battery's dead.
Brick: Sorry, I was using the light to read.