‘Forced Family Fun (Part 2)’
Season 3, Episode 2 - Aired September 21, 2011
As the family struggle through their camping trip, Frankie and Mike tell the story of how their honeymoon was interrupted by Nicky (Ray Romano).
Quote from Mike
[flashback:]
Nicky: So... how long you two been hitched?
Frankie: Oh... about four hours.
Nicky: Oh, my God. This is your honeymoon? Am I crashing your honeymoon?
Frankie: Well... sorta, kinda.
Nicky: Well, why didn't you say so? Oh, jeez. Where are my manners? I got some wine right here for a toast. What are the odds? Go ahead.
Frankie: Oh, no, that's okay. I'm not really a wine... sipper.
Nicky: Take it. It's my gift to you.
Frankie: Oh, that's... [drinks through the straw] Mmm. Wow. It's nice.
Mike: Well, it's great to see you.
Nicky: Yeah. Yeah. You, too. [sits down] Oh. Oh, boy. Oh. Boy, that's feels good.
Quote from Mike
[flashback:]
Nicky: Well, kudos for landing the power forward of the Orson Thundering Hens municipal champs.
Mike: And you were the manager, you said?
Nicky: Ah, that's all right, Mikey. I don't expect you to remember me. I just took care of the equipment. Ah. Not like I ever played. Well, there was that one time the coach told me to suit up last game of senior year.
Mike: Oh, yeah?
Nicky: Four minutes on the clock. You take the charge from the big power forward, and bam! You hit the floor. You're not getting up. And then, Coach Benson turned, and he pointed to me. And then I got up off the bench, finally. And then I heard the crowd starting to cheer, and... Wow, you got up, Mikey. Who would have guessed you'd stand up from an injury like that? Not me, but you did. So back down on the bench I went. My dad was in the stands. He died that year, but it's not like I didn't go on to success. I mean, I didn't go on to success, but it's okay. My lack of success means I don't meet a lot of women, but I like the solitude. Or you grow to like it anyway. Funny thing is, you didn't even play that well. You just... limped around. You didn't score one point that whole last quarter. Oh, well.
Mike: Why don't you stay for dinner?
Quote from Frankie
Brick: So what happened? Did he turn out to be one of those escaped convicts with a hook for a hand?
Frankie: I wish.
Mike: Frankie.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Aah! I'm telling mom! Mom!
Frankie: What the hell's going on?
Sue: Axl chip-clipped my eye!
Mike: Axl!
Sue: It really hurts! But I left it on so you could see what he did to me.
Axl: It's her fault! I was aiming for her mouth, but she moved!
Frankie: Axl! What were you thinking?! You could really have hurt your sister, and now the chips are gonna get stale!
Quote from Mike
Mike: "Reading Railroad."
Frankie: Uh... we don't have that one. Oh, well, you can have Peppermint Forest or Queen Frostine, or you pick one of these activity cards.
Mike: Ah. "Do a charade." No.
Frankie: Oh, come on! That would be fun.
Mike: We'll never know.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Please, Axl, it's really important.
Frankie: Sue, I told you we're not talking about that right now. We're trying to create some special family memories, okay? Axl, spin.
Axl: Come on, "bankrupt," so I don't have to play this lame game anymore. Uh... Ooh! Landed on Water Works.
Gonna king myself for that.
Frankie: That's not how it works. You could only king yourself if you connect four.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Axl, please, you have to tell me! Do we say the pledge of allegiance before or after the morning announcements?
Axl: Sue!
Sue: What?! I'm not asking as a student. I am asking as an American.
Axl: Oh... my... God. Seriously, Mom, you cannot send her to my school!
Frankie: All right, since Axl's being mean to his sister, he loses a turn.
Axl: Oh, so she's a complete freak show, and then when I call her on it, I'm the mean one?!
Quote from Brick
Frankie: Brick, it's your turn. [Brick doesn't respond] Brick!
Mike: Brick? [snaps fingers]
Brick: Huh? Oh, I don't know the rules of the game.
Mike: Nobody knows the rules of the game. Just spin or pop or whatever and move your sock.
[Brick hits the pop-o-matic dice roller and then goes back to his book]
Mike: Brick.
Axl: He's reading a book.
Brick: Just because Sue is being a freak show, you don't have to take your anger out on me.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: You know, she's scared, Axl.
Axl: She's scared? I'm scared! Ever think about that? Everyone's always worried about Sue, but what about me? I spent years building my reputation at school, and now she's coming into my world, and... Sue-ing it up! It's not fair! But no one cares about what I might be going through. Nobody even thinks about me!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: See, this is why I didn't wanna go camping. It does not bring people closer together. It brings them farther apart.
Mike: Will you stop blaming everything on camping? You had one bad time.
Frankie: It was really bad.
Mike: Okay, yes, and it's all my fault.
Frankie: It was, Mike. It was.