Sophia Petrillo Quotes Page 1 of 99
Quote from The Engagement
Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.
Quote from The Flu
Blanche: You don't have to worry about me. I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
Quote from Adult Education
Rose: What are you doing?
Sophia: It's Tuesday night. I'm cleaning out my purse.
Rose: Did all that stuff come out of your purse?
Sophia: No, I was also cleaning out my ears. That's where the Feenamint and the rain bonnet came from.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Forgive me, Rose, but I haven't had sex in 15 years and it's starting to get on my nerves.
Quote from End of the Curse
Sophia: I got it, nobody told me. I didn't get it, nobody told me. I figured, "This is life," and ate my meatballs.
Quote from The Housekeeper
Marguerite: What is she talking about?
Sophia: Don't play dumb with me. I've been known to cast a curse myself. Do you think Shelley Long was really tired of playing in Cheers? Wrong, baby. I was tired of her!
Quote from Sister of the Bride
Blanche: It's easier for you to say that, Sophia. It's not your brother who's getting married to a man.
Sophia: Hey, it's not like the guys in my family never kissed a man. Of course, that was business. Although there was that one hit man who always had to have a flower in his lapel and would hold the kiss of death a little longer than he had to.
Blanche: Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?
Sophia: Why did you marry George?
Blanche: We loved each other. We wanted to make a lifetime commitment. Wanted everybody to know.
Sophia: That's what Doug and Clayton want, too. Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn't everyone have that chance?
Quote from A Midwinter Night's Dream
Blanche: I don't understand this, but these men are acting crazy.
Sophia: You're telling me. I haven't been hit on like this since I stopped hanging out at the midnight show of Harold and Maude.
Quote from The Triangle
Sophia: Let me tell you a story. Sicily, 1912. Picture this: Two young girls, best friends, who shared three things: a pizza recipe, some dough, and a dream. Everything is going great until one day, a fast-talking pepperoni salesman gallops into town. Of course, both girls are impressed. He dates one one night, the other, the next night. Pretty soon, he drives a wedge between them. Before you know it, the pizza suffers, the business suffers, the friendship suffers. The girls part company and head for America, never to see one another again. Rose, one of those girls was me. The other one you probably know as Mama Celeste.
Rose: Sophia, what's the point?
Sophia: The point is, I lost a fortune!
Quote from Break-In
Blanche: Sophia, where are you going?
Sophia: To my room.
Rose: Well, you can't. It could be dangerous!
Sophia: Please, I'm 80. Bathtubs are dangerous!
Quote from Blanche and the Younger Man
Dorothy: Ma, where are you going with all that food?
Sophia: I'm stashing it away from Rose's mother. She's on a special diet. I hate those people. You turn your back for a second, boom boom, your food is gone. Anything on your plate is suddenly on their diet.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. You haven't even met Rose's mother.
Sophia: I know a lot of old people. They're all the same. They're cranky, they're demanding, they repeat themselves. They're cranky, they're demanding...
Quote from Take Him, He's Mine
Rose: Don't you care that they're fighting?
Sophia: Of course I do. You think I have no feelings? Let me tell you a story. Picture this. A crowded Mediterranean port, teeming with your tired, your poor, your hungry. You know, your huddled masses yearning to be free. We boarded the ship and set sail for America. Five hundred people filled with hope, singing, laughing, drinking. Actually, only the Irish were drinking. But I digress. Of course, on the second day, things took a turn for the worse. For the next month and a half, the storm-tossed seas made our lives a living hell. If I wasn't fighting for a blanket, I was fighting for food. If I wasn't fighting for food, I was fighting for shuffleboard equipment. I just threw that in to see if you were paying attention. Anyway, the storm broke, and through the mist I saw the beautiful lady I'd been longing to see for months.
Rose: The Statue of Liberty.
Sophia: No, my mother. That's how dense the fog was. But beyond her was the Statue of Liberty. I remember the first words I shouted out,"There she is, Lady Liberty." I also remember the second words I shouted out, "Slow down, you yutz, you're going right past her." But he didn't hear. And that's why today, Rose, there's an unusually large Italian population in Spilsbury, Massachusetts.
Rose: That's a really moving story, Sophia, but what exactly is the point?
Sophia: The point is, you already forgot lessons one and three. Quit being an idiot. I stole 40 bucks while you were listening to that cockamamie story.
Quote from It's a Miserable Life
Mr. Pfeiffer: Come this way. Now, this is our slumber chamber. Oh, and here's my card. How may I be of service to you?
Dorothy: Uh, well, Mr. Pfeiffer.
Mr. Pfeiffer: That's Pfeiffer, the P is not silent.
Dorothy: Well, Mr Pfeiffer. We're interested in arranging a funeral.
Mr. Pfeiffer: Isn't that lovely? The three of you planning for Mother.
Sophia: Hey, Pfeiffer, how would you like a punch in your p-face?