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‘Adult Education’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Adult Education

120. Adult Education

Aired February 22, 1986

Blanche is the victim of sexual harassment when her psychology professor asks for sex in return for improving her grades.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: What are you doing?
Sophia: It's Tuesday night. I'm cleaning out my purse.
Rose: Did all that stuff come out of your purse?
Sophia: No, I was also cleaning out my ears. That's where the Feenamint and the rain bonnet came from.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Forgive me, Rose, but I haven't had sex in 15 years and it's starting to get on my nerves.

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Quote from Rose

Rose: Nils Felander attempted to harass me repeatedly.
Blanche: What do you mean, he attempted to?
Rose: He worked at Lars Erikson's Drugstore and Tackle Shop. He was a soda jerk. Now that I think about it, he was the town jerk. Every Saturday afternoon, I'd go in and have a sundae. Well, Nils would arrange the ice cream scoops in an obscene way. I could never prove it, because by the time I would take it home to show my father... the evidence had-
Rose, Dorothy & Blanche: [in unison] melted.
Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Here we are, Sophia. The perfect after-dinner treat. A nice dish of Jell-O.
Sophia: I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Let's go, Dorothy, I don't want to miss my appointment at the beauty parlor.
Rose: In a minute, Sophia. Dorothy's been trying to get through to the box office for 20 minutes.
Sophia: I can't be late. The last time I was late, Ronald gave me the broken hair dryer. I came out looking like Don King.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Ma, please. All my life I've wanted to see Frank Sinatra in concert. I'm not getting off this phone until I get tickets.
Sophia: What are you talking about? I took you and Gloria to see him at the Paramount Theatre. I'll never forget it. From the second he stepped out on the stage, I don't know, something happened.
Dorothy: You fainted. That's what happened. I spent the rest of the evening in the ladies' room, trying to revive you. Wasn't until a couple of years later that I got another chance to see Sinatra. Stan bought tickets for my birthday. But two weeks before the concert, he asked me for a divorce. I got the house and the kids. He got the tickets. Don't think I didn't put up a fight!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Honey, calm down. You're gonna pass the course. You're gonna have to buckle down and study a little harder.
Rose: At least you're doing well in your other two courses.
Blanche: But those are art courses. They come easier to me. I've always had a great appreciation for the arts and artists.
Sophia: And carpenters and mechanics and delivery boys.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I just remembered, I know somebody in show business who can help us. My best friend in St. Olaf has a nephew who's a page at NBC in Hollywood. I'll write to her and ask her to write to him.
Blanche: Honey, won't that take an awful long time?
Rose: Oh, I don't mind. I'm a very patient person. I once waited two whole weeks for a sty to go away. Every night, I'd close my eyes and I'd picture it getting smaller and smaller. And one morning, I woke up and it was gone.
Dorothy: Ma, you OK?
Sophia: I'm fine. I'm just trying to make Rose go away.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I know exactly how she feels. I used to be scared of my teachers, too.
Blanche: Get out of here.
Dorothy: No, it's true, it's true. Elementary school was a nightmare. I was afraid to talk in class.
Rose: Why?
Dorothy: Well, I had a slight speech impediment. Well, it's different for kids these days, you know. They have Barbara Walters to look up to. Yeah, but in those days, it really stood out, you know.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: So, big shot, did you get the tickets?
Dorothy: Can't you say hello first?
Sophia: Hello, big shot. Did you get the tickets?
Dorothy: Look, Ma, don't start with me. I've had a very rough day. The only scalper I could find had funny things moving in his hair, and he wanted to bargain in a dark alley.
Sophia: So what seats did you get?
Dorothy: I didn't get any tickets. I didn't think it was exactly safe.
Sophia: I can't believe you were such a baby. In Sicily, we did all our bargaining in dark alleys. How do you think I ended up with your father?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Look, if the tickets are that hard to get, maybe we just weren't meant to go.
Dorothy: Maybe you weren't, Rose, but two weeks from now, I intend to be sitting in front of Old Blue Eyes himself, live, in-person, middle-aged spread and all.
Rose: Dorothy, you can take off a few pounds by then if you put your mind to it.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I don't know if I can pass this course on my own.
Rose: Oh, Blanche, believe me, in the long run, you'll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.
Blanche: I don't know if I can. When I was little, I was always overshadowed by my sisters. They were all smarter and more talented than I was. Then when I was 16, I discovered I had a talent, too, the talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.
Dorothy: Blanche, please.
Blanche: After a while, I learned I could use my looks to my advantage, so I did regularly. I've done it for so long now, I don't know if I can get by without it.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Listen, you're gonna get an A in that class. We're gonna help you do it. As far as that professor is concerned, you should report him immediately.
Blanche: You think I should?
Dorothy: Absolutely. When I first started teaching, the school principal pulled exactly the same thing on me.
Rose: What did you do?
Dorothy: I reported him to the Board of Education. They investigated, and he was forced to resign. 'Course, much later, I found out that I was not the only person he had harassed. I was, however, the only person he harassed while he was wearing a corset and high heels. Well, at any rate, I spoke out, and because I did, a lot of other women didn't have to go through the same thing.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dean Tucker, what happened to me was really quite simple. I'm not doing very well in Professor Cooper's class, so he offered to give me an A i- if I would...
Dean Tucker: Do number five?
Blanche: Actually, number five, six, and seven-B.
Dean Tucker: Why, that's terrible! Were there any witnesses?
Blanche: No.
Dean Tucker: Oh. Oh. Well, that complicates things.
Blanche: Why, don't you believe me?
Dean Tucker: It's not a question of whether or not I believe you. It's just without substantial evidence, it's just your word against his, and a man's career is at stake!
Blanche: Well, so is mine, not to mention my dignity.
Dean Tucker: I'm sorry. Look, I really am. I'd like to help you. But unfortunately, there's nothing I can do.
Blanche: But that's not fair!
Dean Tucker: Miss Deveraux, life is not fair. I should know. I'm 43 years old, and until today, I never even heard of 7B.
Blanche: Well, I've known about it for some time, and as far as I'm concerned, you can go do it to yourself.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I got tickets, too. This is such a coincidence. I was driving down Biscayne Boulevard-
Blanche: No! No, no, no, please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio big band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle. Then bim, bam, boom, she won the tickets.
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. That's how you tell a story.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: So, big talker, did you get your mitts on any tickets yet?
Dorothy: As a matter of fact, I did. Three tickets, rear orchestra.
Sophia: Three tickets, third row center.
Dorothy: Ma, how in the world did you get these?
Sophia: Easy. I called Frank. I told you I had connections.
Rose: You know Frank Sinatra?
Sophia: No, Frank Caravicci from the fish market. He's always been good to me. Never a bad piece of cod. He knows Frank.
Blanche: Sinatra?
Sophia: No, Frank Tortoni, the dry cleaner, Tina's third cousin once removed.
Dorothy: Tina Tortoni?
Sophia: Tina Sinatra!

Quote from Blanche

Professor Cooper: Pencils down.
Blanche: Well, where is everybody?
Professor Cooper: Just you and me, Blanche. Well, looks like we're finally at the crossroads.
Blanche: Whatever do you mean?
Professor Cooper: I mean, I know you've been having trouble with this course, and I'd hate to see you have to repeat it.
Blanche: You know, Professor Cooper, I've been thinking about what you said, and I have no intention of repeating this course.
Professor Cooper: Good. I'm glad you decided to take me up on my offer.
Blanche: Oh, I'm declining your offer, but I do want to thank you.
Professor Cooper: For what?
Blanche: Well, thanks to you, I studied all day and all night. And whenever I felt like giving up, I would just think about what kind of man you really are, and I'd study even harder. In fact, you made me so mad, I decided to get an A on this test come hell or high water, and I think I did. I, sir, am a lady. Maybe not the smartest lady in the world, but I do know that my self-respect is more important than passing your damn course. So you, sir, can kiss my A.

Quote from Rose

Rose: My life will be ruined if this ever gets home to St. Olaf.
Dorothy: What'll they do, Rose? Revoke your ice fishing license? Take back your helmet with the horns?
Dorothy: I mean, I'm the injured party. Obviously, I am destined to never see Frank Sinatra face to face.
Rose: They're called longenhodden.
Dorothy: What is called longenhodden?
Rose: The helmet with the horns.


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