Dorothy: Ma, where are you going with all that food?
Sophia: I'm stashing it away from Rose's mother. She's on a special diet. I hate those people. You turn your back for a second, boom boom, your food is gone. Anything on your plate is suddenly on their diet.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. You haven't even met Rose's mother.
Sophia: I know a lot of old people. They're all the same. They're cranky, they're demanding, they repeat themselves. They're cranky, they're demanding...

Blanche: I am talking about what's happening between Dirk and me. It's something really special, something fragile and rare. I've only felt this once before. It was during my 17th summer and I was working behind the cosmetics counter at the Rexall drugstore. I was stocking the Maybelline display when I heard this booming voice say, "Excuse me, ma'am. Where are the cuticle scissors?" I turned around and there he was. Our eyes locked, and for one brief moment, there was nobody else on earth but the two of us.
Dorothy: Please, Blanche. Sidney Sheldon tells shorter stories!
Blanche: I know in my heart, if I'd just followed my feelings that day at the Rexall drugstore, today I would be Mrs. Andy Griffith! I tell you what, I'm not gonna make the same mistake with Dirk that I made with Andy.
Dorothy: Didn't she tell us that story before?
Sophia: Yes, but the last time it was Woolworth's, a toenail clipper, and John Cameron Swayze.

Blanche: You know, I think I can handle this relationship with Dirk. I'm going out with him Saturday night.
Dorothy: Was there ever any doubt?
Blanche: Momentarily. This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?

Blanche: I'm just a little depressed. For the first time in my life, I feel over 40.
Dorothy: You know why that is, honey?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're over 50.

Dorothy: The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.
Blanche: Oh! Aah, my back!
Dorothy: Are you all right?
Blanche: No, but it's worth it. No pain, no gain. Gotta look good for Dirk. A man his age is used to a trim body with good tone.
Dorothy: Then buy him a Princess phone. What are you doing now?
Blanche: I'm taking my bee pollen and my sheep's liver extract, and my fish oil protein. I'm getting younger with each passing day!
Dorothy: Great. Great. When they defrost Walt Disney, he'll have someone to go out with.

Dorothy: What are you doing home?
Rose: I came home early to be with Mother.
Dorothy: No, my mother took her to the track.
Rose: You let her out of the house?
Dorothy: No, she dug a tunnel out of her bedroom with a dessert spoon.

Blanche: Dorothy, look at me. I have turned back the hands of time. Since Dirk asked me out, I've dropped ten years. Why, my face is smooth, my body is taut, and my gears are grinding.
Dorothy: No matter what you do to your face, your body, or your gears, you are still your age.
Sophia: Of course you are. Gravity always takes its toll. Look at me! I used to be a tall, voluptuous blonde with a butt like granite.

Rose: Mother, am I really making you miserable?
Mrs. Lindstrom: Yes, you are. I know you don't mean to, but you are.
Rose: Oh, I'm sorry. I- Won't you stay and give me another chance?
Mrs. Lindstrom: I don't know, Rosie.
Rose: I know I drive you crazy, but it's just because I love you so much. You know, after Daddy died, I just thought I'd never get over it. And Charlie, well, there's not a day goes by that I don't think about him. And now that you're getting older, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you, too. That's why I fuss over you so much.
Mrs. Lindstrom: I understand, Rosie, but stopping me from living isn't going to stop me from dying.
Rose: Oh, I can't stand to think about it!
Mrs. Lindstrom: Well, then, don't. Let's just enjoy what we have.

Dorothy: Ma, what makes you think she's old? She's the same age as you.
Sophia: So how come she ordered her a wheelchair at the airport, a special meal on the plane, and put an oxygen tank in the garage?
Dorothy: Maybe she's a disabled welder on a special diet.

Rose: Well, maybe tomorrow. Why don't you take a little nap while I fix you something to eat.
Mrs. Lindstrom: Rosie! I'm not a child. I don't need a nap!
Rose: Oh, there's nothing wrong with taking a nap. Bob Hope takes naps.
Sophia: Unless he's in the bedroom now, taking one, I think she'd rather stay here with us.