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‘And Ma Makes Three’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: And Ma Makes Three

320. And Ma Makes Three

Aired February 20, 1988

When Sophia feels lonely after the last of her friends moves away, she becomes a third wheel in Dorothy's promising new relationship. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose both run to be chairman of the local fashion show.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Reminds me of the place I met Charles de Gaulle. We were lovers, you know.
Raymond: Really?
Dorothy: Ma, that's a lie.
Sophia: Who asked you?
Sophia: Picture it: Sicily, 1921. A beautiful young peasant girl saves her lira and takes a trip to Paris, the city of lights, also the only place a guy can wear a cape without getting a lot of funny looks. She wanders into a restaurant and ends up sharing a table with a dashing young Frenchman. They drink, they talk, they burn a cork and draw mustaches on each other.
Raymond: What?
Sophia: Just wanted to see if you were listening. Anyway, the next thing she knows, it's hours later, the place is empty, and the Frenchman's got his schnoz down her blouse. This begins a beautiful love affair. Kids, I was that peasant girl, and the schnoz was Charles the Mole.
Raymond: Charles the Mole?
Sophia: Yeah, Charles the Mole. He was the wheel man for Louie the Ice Pick.
Dorothy: Ma, you said Charles de Gaulle.
Sophia: Yeah, right! I slept with Charles de Gaulle. I could've been the first lady of France, but I married your father instead. A man who cleans his toenails with a shrimp fork.

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Quote from Sophia

Rose: Hi, Sophia. How are you this morning?
Sophia: My joints ache, my ears are ringing, and I think my butt dropped two inches on the way down the hall. All in all, not bad.

Quote from Rose

Sophia: It's not that easy to make new friends.
Rose: It sure wasn't for the first Eskimo family that moved to St. Olaf. Especially after they sawed a hole and went salmon fishing in the middle of the local ice skating rink. And then there was the Halloween they gave all the kids whale blubber. And then there was the time they borrowed every ice tray in town to build an addition over their garage.
Dorothy: What was the point, Rose?
Rose: I guess after the baby came, they needed more room. The point of the story... Well, gradually they were able to make friends, and they ended up the most popular family in town.
Blanche: But only because they went out and met people. Isn't that right, Rose?
Rose: No. It was because in the drought of '49, their house melted and kept the town from dehydrating.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, girls, I just had the most disturbing dream.
Dorothy: Oh, what was it?
Blanche: Well, I was stranded on a desert island with Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg. Three men and no baby. They kept passing me around and kissing me and powdering my behind.
Dorothy: So what was so disturbing?
Blanche: Well, I woke up, and I'd only gotten to sleep with Steve Guttenberg. And I'm not even sure who he is.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Morning. Rose, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your golf glove. I have a date to play this morning.
Blanche: With a man?
Dorothy: No, Blanche, with a Venus flytrap.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Why don't you just tell her how you feel? She'll understand.
Dorothy: You honestly think so?
Rose: Sonia Klingenhoffer did.
Dorothy: She certainly did. Thank you for pointing that out, Rose. Good night.
Rose: Dorothy, you know Sonia Klingenhoffer?
Dorothy: Know her? She's from St. Olaf, isn't she? Lovely woman. See you.
Rose: Wait a minute. Sonia's not a woman.
Dorothy: I know. She's a cow. [Rose shakes her head] A pig. [again] A duck? [again] A horse. [again] A pencil sharpener. Blanche, jump in. I'm drowning.
Rose: "Sonia Klingenhoffer" is a comic strip.
Blanche: And a darn good one, too. Well, good night.
Rose: Both of you come back here, or I'll be forced to follow you to your room and act it out with sock puppets.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: You want some breakfast?
Sophia: Not if you're making it.
Rose: Oh, come on. It's an old family favorite: Chocolate chip pancakes. Made with brown sugar, honey whipped cream and maple syrup.
Sophia: Rose, if God had intended man to eat like that, he would've handed him his teeth in a baggie.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Rose, honey, you don't have time to eat. As my campaign manager, it is your duty to spend every waking hour ensuring my victory so that once in office, I can implement the changes needed to move forward in the grand tradition of the founders of this, our great country.
Sophia: What office are you running for, Blanche?
Blanche: Fashion show chairman of the Tinkerbelles.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Okay, girls, which goes better, the silver chain or the pearls?
Rose: The chain.
Blanche: An amateur's mistake. Can't you see that the chain accentuates the many folds of that turkey-like neck?
Rose: Well, that may be, but the pearls draw attention to the nonexistent bosom.
Blanche: Yes, but the chain leads the eye even lower to that huge spare tire jutting out over those square, manly hips.
Dorothy: Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too ugly to live"?
Blanche: Fine, but what are you gonna hang it from, the chain or the pearls?
Dorothy: Neither! I'm gonna spray paint it on my hump!

Quote from Blanche

Rose: See, Blanche, you don't know any more than I do. I've decided I'm gonna run for fashion show chairman.
Blanche: You're just wasting your time. Who is gonna vote for you? I'm gonna win.
Rose: I don't see how that's possible. Everybody on the committee is female. Who are you gonna sleep with?
Blanche: Are you insinuating that I cannot win it on merit alone? All women?

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: No, I felt terrible about doing it, but Raymond and I need our privacy.
Blanche: Why don't you just tell Sophia how you feel?
Dorothy: It'll hurt her feelings, and right now we're the only friends she has.
Rose: Oh, I think that's sweet.
Blanche: I think it's unnatural, and I'm from the South. I mean, what do you do when you and Raymond wanna, you know, make love?
Rose: Blanche!
Blanche: Well, it's bound to come up. How do you handle it?
Rose: Yeah, Dorothy, how do you handle it?
Dorothy: Handle it? I can't even get close to it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: I really feel so terrible about running out on Ma like that.
Raymond: I don't.
Sophia: Hey, hey! Give it a rest, Raymond! You're in her mouth more than her dentist.
Dorothy: Ma, how did you get back from the drugstore so soon?
Sophia: I faked a heart attack to get through the line faster.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Well, we, uh we were just going out to dinner.
Sophia: Great. I'm starving. Where are we going?
Raymond: Well, Sophia, we thought maybe just this once we'd like...
Dorothy: We felt we'd like to go out for French food. How does that sound?
Sophia: They eat snails. Why pay good money for something you can scrape off your shoes?

Quote from Rose

Rose: In the first panel, it says "Sonia Klingenhoffer" in big letters, and the "O" has pigtails.
Dorothy: What's in the second panel, Rose?
Rose: Sonia's walking down this country road and there's this group of children laughing at her. And in the bubble coming out of her mouth, it says, "It's not funny. You try getting white bread and mayonnaise out of your braces." And then in the third panel-
Blanche: Rose, how many panels are there?
Rose: Sixteen. And then in the next panel-
Dorothy: Could you just tell us the gist of the story?
Rose: Oh, fine, but then you'd miss the joke between the two crows on the telephone wire.
Dorothy: The gist of the story, Rose.
Rose: Well, in the last panel, Sonia tells her mother, and her mother understands.
Blanche: If my foot wasn't asleep, I wouldn't ask this. What exactly was it Sonia told her mama?
Rose: The joke between the two crows. I knew you'd beg to hear it.
Dorothy: That's it. Get out!

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Ow! My nose!
Blanche: Sophia, are you all right, honey?
Sophia: Wonderful, wonderful. I always wanted to have a nose like Joe Frazier.
Dorothy: Ma, how long were you listening at the door?
Sophia: I wasn't listening at the door.
Dorothy: Oh, then why was your face pressed against the crack?
Rose: That's what the crow said!
Dorothy: Get out!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I wanna talk to you about the trip.
Sophia: Yeah, I wanna talk about the same thing. I'm not going.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: Don't faint, but you were right when you said I should go out and make new friends, so I took your advice. I met some nice people at the center, and this weekend we're all going to Cancun. It looks like you and what's-his-name will have to go to the Bahamas without me.
Dorothy: You just met these people, and you're all going to Cancun?
Sophia: Yeah. One of them has a condo down there.
Dorothy: Ma, you were listening at the door last night, weren't you?
Sophia: No, no. I swear on your father's grave. Or what used to be your father's grave. Now it's a Der Wienerschnitzel. But he always liked their pups, so I never made a fuss.


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