Sophia: So that's why you're acting like it's the first day of school. Mr. Gordon is coming over. [kissing sounds]
Dorothy: Mother, just stop that. Mr. Gordon is probably over 70 by now. He's practically ancient.
Sophia: Seventy is ancient? If I met a man that age who looked halfway decent, I'd be on my back before you could say, "I've fallen and I can't get up."

Ron: Any other questions? Ah, here we go.
Sophia: This is directed to Dorothy's lover. Do people treat you differently because you're a lesbian?
Blanche: Well, most people don't know.
Sophia: Really? I would've guessed right off.
Sophia: Next question to Dorothy. What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
Dorothy: I really don't know, but I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at the home.
Sophia: No more questions.

Sophia: I don't wanna hear any more of this. I don't like you being taken advantage of by some guy from out of town. At least, when Blanche does it, it's good for tourism.

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello? You wanna talk to who? Dorothy? Sorry, you must've dialed the wrong number. [hangs up]
Dorothy: Blanche, what do you mean, wrong number?
Blanche: Oh, it was a man, so I just assumed...

Blanche: Not one phone call all day.
Rose: That's not true, Blanche. The phone's been ringing off the hook.
Blanche: Not one phone call from a man all day, Rose. By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the"- Oh, what am I doin'?

Ron: Good morning and welcome to Wake-Up! Miami. Today, women who live together. Does society make it tougher? We'll find out when we talk to four lesbians today on Wake-Up! Miami.
[later:]
Blanche: Rose, could I see you for moment?
Rose: You're mad, aren't you?
Blanche: Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show. This live show. This live show about lesbian lovers of Miami.
Rose: Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat The Price Is Right.

Sophia: Ah, Mr. Gordon. Dorothy had a huge embarrassing crush on him. She was his slave. She graded his papers, did his laundry. Once, she even rotated his tires.
Dorothy: Boy, that stroke didn't make you forget a thing, did it, Ma?

Sophia: My Dorothy didn't date teachers in high school. She dated losers like Stan who knocked her up and ruined her life forever.
Dorothy: It would be like a day without orange juice, wouldn't it, Ma?

Rose: Girls, guess what? They gave me another job at the television station. The old associate producer quit, so now I am the new associate producer of the Wake-Up! Miami show. They even gave me a nameplate for my desk.
Dorothy: "Harold Goldstein, Associate Producer."
Rose: Isn't it exciting?
Dorothy: Oh, congratulations, Harold. That's great.

Dorothy: But there's nothing like that between me and Mr. Gordon. If you don't believe me, why don't you join us for lunch?
Sophia: Join you for lunch? Let me check my social calendar. Oh, okay, I'm free.
Dorothy: Ma, that calendar's from 1984.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, this is the day I escaped from Shady Pines. It says right here, "I'm free! I'm free!"