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‘A Piece of Cake’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: A Piece of Cake

225. A Piece of Cake

Aired May 9, 1987

As Sophia rushes to bake a cake for a surprise party, the girls reminisce about some of their past birthdays.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Don't panic, I'm fine. I haven't had that much. Besides, you think I'd ruin Roberta's milestone birthday?
Rose: Milestone? She's 88.
Sophia: Right. After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone.


Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I think my milestone birthday was when I turned 50.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I remember your 50th. We were supposed to go to a party at Guido's, but you were fighting with Pop.
Sophia: Oh, yeah.
Dorothy: Oh, I'll never forget it. It was Brooklyn, April, 1956.
Sophia: Dorothy.
Dorothy: Yes?
Sophia: I tell the stories around here. Picture it: Brooklyn, April, 1956...

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: What do I have to celebrate? That I have a miserable marriage and I'm leaving my husband?
Dorothy: You and Pop had a fight.
Sophia: You love to show off that college education, don't you?
Dorothy: OK, why are you mad at Pop?
Sophia: Because your father is a miserable, no-good, insensitive bum!
Salvadore: [o.s.] I heard that!
Sophia: Good, then hear this! May you lose the three hairs left on your head!
Salvadore: [o.s.] Oh, yeah? Well, may you lose your tweezers so your eyebrows meet to cover the wart in the middle of your forehead!
Sophia: That's not a wart, that's a beauty mark!
Salvadore: [o.s.] On Sophia Loren, it's a beauty mark! On you and Khrushchev, it's a wart!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing here? You know you're not supposed to leave the home. You're still recovering from that stroke.
Sophia: What recovering? I'm back 100%, knock wood. [knocks] Come in!

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Well, I don't see how anybody can hate birthdays.
Blanche: Well, because they are constant reminders that with each passing year our bodies begin to sag, our faces begin to wrinkle, our hair begins to turn gray. Of course, none of that's happened to me yet. But it's only a question of time until I end up looking like the two of you.
Dorothy: Blanche, you keep that up, you won't have that much time left.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: What time's the birthday girl getting here?
Dorothy: I told Roberta to be here at two o'clock.
Rose: Do you think she suspects anything?
Sophia: Please! The woman is 88. She still tries to find Gunsmoke on Sunday nights.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Just listen. We are throwing a surprise birthday party for Blanche. I want you to go out to the lanai and mingle with the other guests.
Sophia: Check. What's a lanai?
Dorothy: The porch!
Sophia: Excuse me, Krystle Carrington.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Rose had planned a surprise birthday party for me. You were still living at Shady Pines.
Sophia: You mean the home. Say it, Dorothy. The home.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Isn't this fun? Dorothy, you haven't even touched your Mr. Ha Ha dog.
Dorothy: You're right. [splat] There, I touched it.
Rose: You're not having any fun, are you, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Oh, am I that transparent?
Rose: You're the one who always complains that her birthday parties are dull and boring. When I saw Mr. Ha Ha's advertised on television, it looked like fun.
Dorothy: For a five-year-old, Rose. Or someone who thinks like one!

Quote from Dorothy

Mr. Ha Ha: Are you Dorothy Zbornak?
Dorothy: That's right.
Mr. Ha Ha: Get up on stage, Dorothy!
Dorothy: Get bent, Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: Come on, kids. Let's give Dorothy a great big Ha Ha cheer!
Children: Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! [applause] Well, it says here on my Ha Ha birthday list that Bobby is seven, Jeannie is nine, and Dorothy is...
Dorothy: I'll punch your heart out, Ha Ha.
Mr. Ha Ha: Dorothy is the oldest! And, as the oldest, you get to lead the birthday parade! Here is your parade leader's hat. Mr. Music, if you please.
Dorothy: Don't prolong this. I know what car you drive, Ha Ha.

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