Dorothy: I'm a little nervous about Jean. She's a very special person and I don't know if she's going to get along with Blanche and Rose.
Sophia: You mean because she's a lesbian?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, she's not a lesbian. I mean, what an absurd thing- How did you know?
Sophia: I've known since you two were in college together.
Dorothy: She didn't even know in college. How did you know?
Sophia: A mother knows.
Dorothy: Do you think I should tell Rose and Blanche?
Sophia: Jean is a nice person. She happens to likes girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat. Unless a lesbian sheds. That I don't know.

Blanche: Come on. I heard you laughing. What's so funny?
Sophia: For starters, Jean is a lesbian.
Dorothy: Ma.
Blanche: What's funny about that?
Sophia: You aren't surprised?
Blanche: Of course not. I mean, I've never known any personally, but isn't Danny Thomas one?
Dorothy: Not Lebanese, Blanche. Lesbian.
Blanche: Lesbian. Lesbian. Lesbian?! But isn't that where one woman and another...
Dorothy: We already know what it means.

Blanche: Oh, I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.
Dorothy: Aw, your first kiss was in the rain.
Blanche: No, it was in the shower.

Rose: It's about Jean.
Dorothy: What about Jean?
Rose: Well, I don't want to shock you, Dorothy, but Jean...
Dorothy: I know. Jean is gay.
Rose: You know already? Well, what about Blanche?
Dorothy: No, Blanche is not gay.
Rose: I don't mean that. I mean, she knows?
Dorothy: And Ma.
Rose: You told everybody but me?
Dorothy: Honey, I didn't even know if you'd know what a lesbian was.
Rose: I could have looked it up.

Rose: I never got to go to the prom.
Jean: You're kidding. Why?
Rose: Well, I really wanted to go with Delbert Twitchell. He was the most gorgeous boy at our school. And he was captain of the Precision Combine Drill team. Well, actually, I was so sure Delbert was going to ask me that I turned down our only foreign exchange student, Cyril Mountbatten. Well, Daddy didn't like Cyril anyway, cos he was British. Daddy said the relationship would never work out, on account of the language barrier. Daddy was a very caring and ignorant man. Well, finally, it got to the day before the prom and Delbert still hadn't asked me. So, I marched across a crowded cafeteria, stared him straight in the eye and said, "Delbert, what gives?" He said, "Jenny McCoy. That's why I'm taking her to the prom."

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, this is my friend Jean.
Blanche: I'm so glad to meet you, Jean.
Jean: Me too, Blanche.
Blanche: I've heard so much about you, I feel like we're bosom buddies.
Dorothy: Ma, not a word.

Dorothy: Jean, why don't we put your suitcase in Ma's room. Ma's gonna sleep with me.
Jean: You wouldn't mind, Sophia?
Sophia: No problem. I'll just have to remember when I get up at night the bathroom is down the hall to my left. Last time we had a guest, I killed two potted palms.

Dorothy: I cannot watch any more of this.
Rose: Hi.
Sophia: Wrong button. That's fast forward.
Rose: Oh, my. What are they doing?
Blanche: I know what they're doing, but I never saw anybody do it at that speed.
Rose: It reminds me of my Uncle Ricky's rabbit farm.
Sophia: That's reverse, Dorothy.
Blanche: I did that once. It was his birthday.

Dorothy: Ma. I am not gay. I just wanted to get your reaction.
Sophia: I'll tell you the truth, Dorothy. If one of my kids was gay, I wouldn't love him one bit less. I would wish him all the happiness in the world.
Dorothy: Because you're the greatest mother in the world. And I love you.
Sophia: Fine. Now keep your fat mouth shut so I can get some sleep.

Blanche: But Jean's a very attractive woman. She could have any man she wants.
Dorothy: She doesn't want them.
Blanche: Well, why not? A man has so much more to offer, you know what I mean, Dorothy?
Dorothy: I found that out when Mark Perper ran for Class President in the third grade.
Blanche: Why? What does that have to do with anything?
Dorothy: Well, his campaign slogan was "Vote for me and I'll show you my wee-wee." He won by a landslide.