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‘Nice and Easy’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Nice and Easy

117. Nice and Easy

Aired February 1, 1986

Blanche is concerned when her niece, Lucy, comes to town and seems to have learned a trick or two from her when it comes to men.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, I'm calling the exterminator!
Rose: Oh, no, don't! A mouse saved my life once. His name was Larry. Larry the mouse. Oh, I loved Larry. He used to walk to school with me every day on a little leash I made out of kite string. Well, one day, we were about to cross the bridge down near the schoolhouse, and Larry stopped dead in his tracks. No matter how I yanked on that leash, he just wouldn't move. Suddenly, I heard this loud noise. The dam upstream had broken, and this rush of water swept the bridge away. Larry saved my life. If it weren't for a mouse just like that little one in the kitchen, I wouldn't be sitting here today, telling you this story.
Dorothy & Sophia: Call the exterminator!

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Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Let me get a look at you, girl. Mmm, terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin. Just like looking in a mirror.
Sophia: Get some Windex!

Quote from Rose

Rose: I cringe at some of the stunts I pulled when I was going through my rebellious stage.
Dorothy: Like what, Rose, squeezing the cows too hard?
Rose: No like climbing out my bedroom window and stealing my father's truck to drive into a bar in the city to meet Clel Lightener.
Blanche: Clel Lightener? I think I used that on my hair once.
Rose: Oh, Clel was the cutest boy at our high school. He was also the only sophomore old enough to get into a bar.
Dorothy: So what did you do when you got there?
Rose: I sat in the truck for hours, paralyzed with fear. I kept thinking to myself, "What is a simple Protestant farm girl doing in the parking lot of a gin mill in a flashy, fast-paced city like Tyler's Landing?"
Blanche: So did you get out of the truck or what?
Rose: Of course. I marched up to the door, and I ran right into Reverend Mackenzie coming out of the bar on the arm of Millie Beasley, wife of Emmett Beasley, our town's most decorated war hero. Emmett received three Purple Hearts, all for head wounds. He ran the feed store in our town. 'course, if the truth be known, Millie was the one who had to make change for the customers.
Dorothy: Rose, are you telling a story or performing Our Town?
Rose: Oh, sorry. Anyway, Reverend Mackenzie made a deal with me. He said if I didn't tell on him, he wouldn't tell on me. So, I went home.
Blanche: Well, did he keep your secret?
Rose: Till the day he died. Which was two days later. Emmett found Millie and the Reverend skinny-dipping in the church's fountain and he shot the both of them. A week later, we became Lutherans.
Blanche: Rose, that isn't a "teenage rebellion" story. That is a "changing religions" story. That is a "who cares?" story. That is a "why-in-the-hell-tell-it-in-the-first-place?" story!

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Blanche, exactly what did you say to Lucy that night at Ed's apartment?
Blanche: Oh, I told her a lot of things. I told her she was a bright, charming, funny young lady who didn't have to rely upon sex to be liked.
Dorothy: Well, good for you, Blanche.
Blanche: You know, I hadn't realized how much she's been looking up to me. I think the thing that really turned her around was when I told her that when it comes to men, I'm just a lot of talk. Embellishment's one of the oldest traditions in the South. Tall tales and tall drinks. I don't really sleep around near as much as I say I do.
Rose: Is that true, Blanche?
Blanche: Maybe it is and maybe it isn't! [winks]

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Sophia, do you think it's right for a girl to sleep with a man on their first date?
Sophia: It's a sin!
Rose: See, Sophia agrees with me.
Sophia: All I said was, it's a sin. Personally, I'd go back to eating fish on Friday if His Holiness gave that one the green light. We're out of milk.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, what are you doing?
Sophia: Painting numbers on my toes. I keep forgetting their names.
Blanche: But Lucy will be here any minute! Honey, this doesn't look very nice.
Sophia: I say, let relatives know how you really live. That way, they don't hang around.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, it so happens that my niece and I are very close. In fact, I'm hoping her interviews go well so she can transfer to a college here and I can see her more often.
Sophia: I was never close with any of my nieces. They all became nuns. It's hard to shop for a nun at Christmas.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
Sophia: What?
Dorothy: A rat!
Blanche: A rat?
Rose: It wasn't a rat. It was a cute little mouse.
Dorothy: Rose, it doesn't wear white gloves and work at Disneyland. We're talking about a rodent.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: How was your trip?
Lucy: Oh, it was wonderful. I met a gorgeous, single doctor on the plane.
Dorothy: Oh, at 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor. Now I see the family resemblance.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, isn't she something! I'm really proud of her. Now, if I could just manage to rope myself a doctor that easily.
Dorothy: Honey, I don't think there's enough sugar left in the bowl.

Quote from Blanche

Lucy: Oh, good morning!
Blanche: Lucy? For heaven's sake, where have you been, girl? I've been worried sick!
Lucy: Oh, Aunt Blanche, only you could understand what happened. I am in love!
Blanche: The doctor?
Lucy: Oh, he took me on his boat for a midnight cruise. It was incredible. I've only known him a few hours, but the evening was so perfect. I didn't get any sleep, and I have my interview this afternoon. I just have to tell you all about it later.
Rose: I don't believe it.
Blanche: Neither do I. Imagine, landing herself a doctor, and she still wants to finish college.

Quote from Dorothy

Lucy: Is Aunt Blanche here? I want to tell her all about it, and that I won't be home for dinner.
Dorothy: Oh, your gorgeous doctor taking you for another midnight cruise?
Lucy: Oh, no. Tonight I'm going out with Michael.
Dorothy: Michael isn't the doctor?
Lucy: No, Michael's from the university. He's the one who interviewed me. Oh, he's an absolute dream, he really is. He is the most stunning hunk of masculinity I have seen since, since...
Dorothy: Since the dazzling doctor from last night?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I used to know a girl like that in Sicily. She slept with every Tom, Dick, and Vito in our village. Finally, the women took matters in their own hands. They dragged her to the outskirts of town, threw her on the ground, and asked her, "Why? Why would you do such a thing?"
Blanche: What did she say?
Sophia: "What else is there to do in this godforsaken village?
Dorothy: Ma, what does this have to do with Lucy?
Sophia: Not a thing. It's the only slut story I know.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it's just that I actually went through a very rebellious stage as a teenager. I know how difficult it can be.
Rose: Well, what did you do that was so rebellious?
Blanche: When I was 15, I dropped out of school for a month to become a magician's assistant. When I was 16, I ran off with a gas station attendant twice my age to get married in Mexico. When I was 17, I hitchhiked to New York, and for two months, I was a Rockette under an assumed name.
Dorothy: Tyler's Landing kind of pales in comparison.
Rose: I stand corrected. How did you get through all that, Blanche?
Blanche: I was lucky enough to have my big sister Charmaine chasing after me, trying to talk some sense into my fool head.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: What are we screaming at?
Rose: I'm not sure. Dorothy?
Dorothy: The mouse, the mouse! Rose, you promised that you'd get rid of it!
Rose: Oh, I'm sorry, Dorothy. I tried to reason with him, but he just didn't seem to understand why he had to leave. Oh, I thought I had him convinced, but at the last minute, he changed his mind. Which surprised me, because mice aren't usually fickle. But this mouse is an odd duck!
Dorothy: Rose, how many head wounds have you had?

Quote from Blanche

Lucy: Aunt Blanche, I'm a grown woman. I can live my life any way I want to.
Blanche: Oh, I know that. I just don't think this is the way you really want to live it.
Lucy: Is it my fault men find me attractive?
Blanche: No, honey. What they find you is available, and that's no compliment.
Lucy: I find this very strange coming from you, Aunt Blanche, 'cause from the stories I've heard, you're not exactly a saint.
Blanche: No, you're right. I do enjoy the company of gentlemen. Always have. But I can promise you one thing, Lucy, when I'm with a man, it's 'cause I like him, not 'cause I want him to like me.
Lucy: Well, what's wrong with wanting to be liked? Aunt Blanche, do you remember what I looked like as a kid?
Blanche: Oh, yes, I do. You were a beautiful child.
Lucy: I was not. I was short and fat with braces and acne. And I used to think to myself, "Oh, I would give anything to be just like my Aunt Blanche, to be pretty and popular with lots of friends." And then when I turned 16, it seemed like everything changed overnight.I shot up and out, the braces came off and finally, the boys started to notice me. And it was nice to be noticed, to be liked.
Blanche: Oh, baby. Honey, you've been trying so hard to get everybody to like you that you never got around to liking yourself. And if you don't like yourself, you can't respect yourself, and if you can't respect yourself, neither can anybody else.

Quote from Rose

Ed: OK, how about this one: What was the name of the informant who Crockett and Tubbs accidentally set up in the "Cool Running" episode? There's no way!
Rose: That was Noogie, better known on the street as "the Noog Man."
Ed: Rose, you're just incredible on Miami Vice trivia. I've never met anyone so smart!
Dorothy: Ed, for a policeman, you've led a very sheltered life.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Come on, everybody, we're going home.
Ed: But I just put popcorn in the microwave.
Lucy: Oh, listen, Ed, I'm sorry. You're a nice guy, but I have to go.
Ed: I understand, Lucy. Would you mind if I gave you a call sometime?
Lucy: Sure, I guess that'd be OK.
Ed: Not you, Lucy. I was talking to Rose.
Rose: Oh, I don't think so.
Ed: Are you sure? Tuesday night, I'm getting together with a couple of buddies. We're going through Don Johnson's trash!
Rose: No.
Dorothy: Goodnight, Ed. We're going to go home now. And I want you to know, we'll all sleep a lot better knowing you're off duty tonight.

Quote from Sophia

Lucy: Dorothy, Rose, I hope I wasn't too much trouble.
Rose: Don't be silly.
Dorothy: No, we enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Dorothy: Ma!


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