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‘Mother Load’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Mother Load

706. Mother Load

Aired October 26, 1991

After Blanche starts dating a dashing news anchor, his elderly mother tries to put a stop to their relationship. Meanwhile, Stan uncovers his own mother issues in therapy when he realizes he craves Sophia's approval.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Therapy's a wonderful idea. Oh, I remember St. Olaf's most famous psychotherapists, the Freud brothers, Sigmund and Roy. You may have read their bestseller, "If I Have All the Cheese I Want, Why Am I Still Unhappy?"

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Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I'm making dinner. What would you like to eat?
Sophia: A nice thick T-bone steak, corn on the cob, and pecan pie for dessert. Now ask me what I can chew.
Dorothy: I'll start soaking the cornflakes now.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: [groans] [moans] Oh, my, my, my, my, my!
Dorothy: Why do I feel the need to bathe?
Rose: So, how was it, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, you might as well ask me to describe the glory of the Great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of a Carolina dawn.
Dorothy: They went to a sleazy motel.
Blanche: Or the colors of the monarch butterfly, spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon.
Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.
Blanche: Or the sturdy cypress reaching heavenward, tall and mighty and proud!
Dorothy: That one I think is pretty self-explanatory.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, honey, you okay?
Blanche: Oh, why do these things keep happenin' to me? And why do I let them keep happenin'? I'm just tired of gettin' all dressed up, lookin' gorgeous, going out, only to lose out in the end. On the other hand, I am dressed up, and I do look gorgeous, and it is gringo night at Hernando's Hacienda. Oh, but I don't think I ought to go. I'm just so vulnerable. Does anyone know how to say vulnerable in Spanish? Oh, never mind, I'll say it with my eyes. Adios. [exits]
Sophia: I said it before, and I'll say it again. Sluts just heal quicker.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Jerry, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Blanche Devereaux. And, Blanche, this is-
Blanche: Oh, why, you don't have to tell me. "From the Gulf coast to the Atlantic, from the Keys to the Okeefenokee, with the 11:00 news, this is Jerry Kennedy."
Jerry: Well, I'm flattered.
Sophia: From the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl- [Dorothy covers Sophia's mouth]

Quote from Dorothy

Dr. Halperin: Now, Stan, what you have to do is ask yourself, why would you want to be with a woman who so clearly doesn't want to be around you?
Dorothy: Well, I think I can answer that, Doctor. There's no other kind.

Quote from Sophia

Stan: Dorothy, I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I've discovered that the old Stan really wasn't Stan. He was merely a Stan trying to be the Stan that everyone thought Stan should be.
Rose: Hey, I've been there.
Stan: But now, with a little bit of help, I'm becoming a new Stan.
Sophia: Oh, great. I'll take a People magazine and a Morning Herald.
Dorothy: Ma, he is not a newsstand. He's a new Stan.
Stan: Then you can see the change?
Sophia: I'm waiting for the change. That was a $5 I handed you.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: Okay, so I lied. What, you never have?
Dorothy: Only once, Stanley. The night I told you it was good for me, too.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Girls, you will never guess who was just on the phone!
Blanche: The real phone, Rose, or your Farmer in the Dell phone?
Rose: Oh, please. I haven't had a Farmer in the Dell phone since I was 50.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Now, who called, Rose?
Rose: Jerry Kennedy!
Blanche: Jerry Kennedy, the newscaster?
Rose: Uh-huh. He's coming over to pick up his daily planner. I took it home from work by mistake. Boy, was I embarrassed when I showed up for handball with Walter Cronkite. By the way, if you ever run into Walt, don't tell him he looks like Captain Kangaroo.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Miami's most glamorous anchorman is comin' here? Oh, I'm gonna go freshen up. If his bottom half is as good as his top half, I'm in love.

Quote from Sophia

Jerry: Hello.
Dorothy: Ma, you recognize our guest?
Sophia: Of course I do. The only man you've had in your bedroom after 11:00 since we moved here.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: But this still doesn't say anything about Jerry.
Rose: I know, I know, but I've drawn a blank. I even called his brother, and they haven't spoken since Jerry was arrested for public nudity. Damn it, there is just nothing funny about that clown-fearing, mama's boy!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, all I know is, you would not believe the progress that Stanley is making. As a matter of fact, I was going to invite you to one of his sessions with Dr. Halperin.
Sophia: The psychiatrist? Please. In the old days, we didn't need psychiatrists. You had a problem? You fought, you drank, you got a little on the side. You dealt with it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: You know, I cannot remember when I had a sponge cake quite so m-moist.
Jerry: Extremely moist.
Rose: The moistest.
Sophia: I found the tea rather moist, as well. What? I can't be uncomfortable, too?

Quote from Blanche

Millicent: He's watching his refined sugar intake.
Blanche: Yes, he should. This cake is sweetened with natural fruit juices.
Millicent: No, he shouldn't. His cross-country skiing machine is in the shop.
Blanche: Yes, he should. He gets plenty, and I mean plenty, of exercise with me.
Sophia: Checkmate. Hand the guy a fork.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Look, Stan, old Stan, new Stan, tastes-great-less-filling Stan. The point is, I am not interested. Good luck in therapy.
Stan: Dorothy, I don't think you quite get it.
Dorothy: I get it perfectly You're going to therapy to try to win me back. And I'm telling you, you're wasting your time. Not to mention $100 an hour.
Stan: $110, Dorothy. This guy's got the little beard and everything. Dr. Halperin's working with me on something called "closure." I'm not going there to try to win you back. I'm going there to try to get over you.
Sophia: Go around her, it takes less time.


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