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‘Even Grandmas Get the Blues’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Even Grandmas Get the Blues

620. Even Grandmas Get the Blues

Aired March 2, 1991

Blanche pretends her baby granddaughter is actually her daughter to impress a man she met at a theatre audition. Meanwhile, Sophia shares a Sicilian family recipe with Rose.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, good, you're home for the Festival of the Dancing Virgins. The sauce is almost ready.
Dorothy: I'm not staying for dinner tonight. There's a meeting at Mensa. That's the organization for people with high IQs like mine.
Rose: You know, in St. Olaf we had a chapter of Mensa, and across the room was Girlsa. No, wait, those were the bathrooms at St. Olaf's only Italian restaurant.

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Quote from Rose

Blanche: If I go back now and tell him the truth, he'll think I'm a liar.
Rose: Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to tell a fib.

Quote from Blanche

Sophia: What's with this guy? He must be blind as a bat.
Blanche: There are lots of ways you can trick a man into thinkin' you're younger than you really are. You wear sunglasses, put on a little extra makeup, go to dimly lit restaurants.
Rose: We've all done that.
Blanche: Fly to Nevada to get a fake birth certificate. Have a phony high school yearbook printed up. Change the dates on your parents' graves.
Dorothy: We've all done that.

Quote from Rose

Rose: We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins in St. Olaf, too. Every year, we'd go down to the lake, and they'd be flopping around on the dock. Oh, no, wait. That was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
Dorothy: What is wrong with you, woman?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: It's so unfair. We're both about the same age, but he can go on makin' babies the rest of his life. I feel like the Spruce Goose. People may visit, play with the controls, but I'll never really fly again.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Aw, leave her alone. We have to get to work on the sauce. We begin by taking a shallow bath in olive oil at 7:34 Sicily time.
Rose: Why?
Sophia: Originally it was to keep the Visigoths away. But if ain't broke, don't fix it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, morning, Ma.
Sophia: Dorothy, when was the last time you had sex?
Dorothy: It's a very personal question.
Sophia: That long, huh? Perfect. Then you shall be the queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about?
Sophia: Once a year, the women of my village threw a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life, "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: OK, Queenie I have to make salsa grandioso again, and this time, I'm gonna teach you how.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. Not the sauce, Ma, no. I mean, that takes weeks. There are 152 ingredients. I just don't have the time.
Sophia: Dorothy, for 1400 years, the women in our family have been handing this recipe down from mother to daughter. Each generation improves upon it in some way. Like, for instance, it was my great-grandmother who added heat.
Rose: What did you add, Sophia?
Sophia: A mouthful of wine. It was an accident. A delicious accident.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: I'm gonna be teaching that honors program class, and it's going to be a challenge. I'm gonna have students who know that Chekhov is a brilliant Russian playwright, not the guy who was the navigator on the Enterprise.
Rose: I didn't know the guy from Star Trek wrote plays.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Am I convincing?
Dorothy: As what, ye olde towne slut?
Blanche: It so happens our community playhouse is doing The Taming of the Shrew, and I'm to audition for the role of Kate, the fiery tart of Padua who no man could tame. [doorbell rings] Hark. Perhaps a suitor doth approacheth. [exits]
Dorothy: Do you think he'll thtay all night?

Quote from Blanche

Rebecca: Look, I know you don't like the name, and I know you think I'm bringin' her up wrong.
Blanche: No, I just don't see why you have to feed her when you come to visit me at the museum. You don't see me taking out my breast in public. A lot.

Quote from Blanche

Jason: Well, I thought you were great.
Blanche: Oh! Well, uh, I was born to act. I've given some of my best performances on the stage.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Pussycat, when you were in junior high school and the kids gave you a hard time, what did I say?
Dorothy: You told me I was extra-special and they were just jealous.
Sophia: That's right, and if they still gave you a hard time, what did I tell you to say?
Dorothy: "My mother can have you eliminated with one phone call."

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: But, Ma, this is different. I've always wanted to teach an honors class, but now that I am, well, the kids are making me feel stupid.
Sophia: Dorothy, I'm gonna tell you something I never told you before. When you were about 12 and we lived in Brooklyn, they called me into the school to tell me you had the highest IQ in the borough.
Rose: That's a coincidence. I was told I had the IQ of a burro.
Dorothy: Ma, I had no ide-- The brightest kid in Brooklyn? Well, that certainly explains the feeling of being right all the time. What is it?
Sophia: 173.
Rose: I don't know if you know this, but a burro can find its way back home.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Wonder if that's Jason. Listen, I'm warnin' you, if anybody blows the whistle on me, the old lady's out on the street. Rose, go in the other room and cry like a baby.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, I've been tossing and turnin'. I can't sleep. I don't know what I'm gonna do about Jason. He's reached a point in his life where he's anxious to settle down. He wants us to have another child right away. Well, frankly, I don't know if I want another baby so soon.
Dorothy: I understand. Wait a couple years, and Medicare will pay for it.
Sophia: Why wait? Have it now and The Enquirer will pay for it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Hello! And how is little Aurora doing today?
Rebecca: Oh, what a good girl she was this mornin'. She was just smilin' and smilin' and smilin'. I know sometimes it's just gas, but she was so cute.
[Sophia tugs on Dorothy's shirt and then smiles at her]
Dorothy: Ma, it's not cute once you pass 80.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Hold it, Dorothy. Not stay for dinner? Not stay for the sauce? Miss the whole festival? Where's your sense of family, your sense of tradition?
Dorothy: Ma, it's just that I want to be around my intellectual peers.
Sophia: I got bad news for you, Pussycat. You are. I made up your IQ.
Dorothy: I wasn't the brightest kid in Brooklyn?
Sophia: So I lied. Did it help you get along with your honors class?
Dorothy: Yes, but Ma, you lied to me.
Sophia: Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny. I've been messin' with your head for over 60 years.

Quote from Rose

Sophia: Come on, it's 6:30. We're already five minutes behind schedule. Rose, before you bring in the sauce, tell us what ingredient you added.
Rose: I don't want to spoil the surprise. I'll give you a hint. They're sugary and they're grrrrreat!

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, you're gonna have to do the Dance of the Virgins by yourself.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: You remember. It's like the bunny hop, except you keep your legs crossed.
Dorothy: Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: I'm adding to it.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: On with the feast.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I may not have an IQ of 173, but I know what you mean by continuity and family. And next year, I want to learn the sauce.
Sophia: Deal, Pussycat. It's not that hard. First you get one large pot, a dozen plump tomatoes and one moron to do all the work for you.


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