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‘Even Grandmas Get the Blues’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Golden Girls: Even Grandmas Get the Blues

620. Even Grandmas Get the Blues

Aired March 2, 1991

Blanche pretends her baby granddaughter is actually her daughter to impress a man she met at a theatre audition. Meanwhile, Sophia shares a Sicilian family recipe with Rose.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, good, you're home for the Festival of the Dancing Virgins. The sauce is almost ready.
Dorothy: I'm not staying for dinner tonight. There's a meeting at Mensa. That's the organization for people with high IQs like mine.
Rose: You know, in St. Olaf we had a chapter of Mensa, and across the room was Girlsa. No, wait, those were the bathrooms at St. Olaf's only Italian restaurant.

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Quote from Blanche

Sophia: What's with this guy? He must be blind as a bat.
Blanche: There are lots of ways you can trick a man into thinkin' you're younger than you really are. You wear sunglasses, put on a little extra makeup, go to dimly lit restaurants.
Rose: We've all done that.
Blanche: Fly to Nevada to get a fake birth certificate. Have a phony high school yearbook printed up. Change the dates on your parents' graves.
Dorothy: We've all done that.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: If I go back now and tell him the truth, he'll think I'm a liar.
Rose: Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to tell a fib.

Quote from Rose

Rose: We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins in St. Olaf, too. Every year, we'd go down to the lake, and they'd be flopping around on the dock. Oh, no, wait. That was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
Dorothy: What is wrong with you, woman?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: It's so unfair. We're both about the same age, but he can go on makin' babies the rest of his life. I feel like the Spruce Goose. People may visit, play with the controls, but I'll never really fly again.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Aw, leave her alone. We have to get to work on the sauce. We begin by taking a shallow bath in olive oil at 7:34 Sicily time.
Rose: Why?
Sophia: Originally it was to keep the Visigoths away. But if ain't broke, don't fix it.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, you're gonna have to do the Dance of the Virgins by yourself.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: You remember. It's like the bunny hop, except you keep your legs crossed.
Dorothy: Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: I'm adding to it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, morning, Ma.
Sophia: Dorothy, when was the last time you had sex?
Dorothy: It's a very personal question.
Sophia: That long, huh? Perfect. Then you shall be the queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about?
Sophia: Once a year, the women of my village threw a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life, "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: OK, Queenie I have to make salsa grandioso again, and this time, I'm gonna teach you how.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. Not the sauce, Ma, no. I mean, that takes weeks. There are 152 ingredients. I just don't have the time.
Sophia: Dorothy, for 1400 years, the women in our family have been handing this recipe down from mother to daughter. Each generation improves upon it in some way. Like, for instance, it was my great-grandmother who added heat.
Rose: What did you add, Sophia?
Sophia: A mouthful of wine. It was an accident. A delicious accident.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: I'm gonna be teaching that honors program class, and it's going to be a challenge. I'm gonna have students who know that Chekhov is a brilliant Russian playwright, not the guy who was the navigator on the Enterprise.
Rose: I didn't know the guy from Star Trek wrote plays.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Am I convincing?
Dorothy: As what, ye olde towne slut?
Blanche: It so happens our community playhouse is doing The Taming of the Shrew, and I'm to audition for the role of Kate, the fiery tart of Padua who no man could tame. [doorbell rings] Hark. Perhaps a suitor doth approacheth. [exits]
Dorothy: Do you think he'll thtay all night?

Quote from Blanche

Rebecca: Look, I know you don't like the name, and I know you think I'm bringin' her up wrong.
Blanche: No, I just don't see why you have to feed her when you come to visit me at the museum. You don't see me taking out my breast in public. A lot.

Quote from Blanche

Jason: Well, I thought you were great.
Blanche: Oh! Well, uh, I was born to act. I've given some of my best performances on the stage.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Pussycat, when you were in junior high school and the kids gave you a hard time, what did I say?
Dorothy: You told me I was extra-special and they were just jealous.
Sophia: That's right, and if they still gave you a hard time, what did I tell you to say?
Dorothy: "My mother can have you eliminated with one phone call."

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: But, Ma, this is different. I've always wanted to teach an honors class, but now that I am, well, the kids are making me feel stupid.
Sophia: Dorothy, I'm gonna tell you something I never told you before. When you were about 12 and we lived in Brooklyn, they called me into the school to tell me you had the highest IQ in the borough.
Rose: That's a coincidence. I was told I had the IQ of a burro.
Dorothy: Ma, I had no ide-- The brightest kid in Brooklyn? Well, that certainly explains the feeling of being right all the time. What is it?
Sophia: 173.
Rose: I don't know if you know this, but a burro can find its way back home.

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