Rose: I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We called her Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No. That was her name. Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper. She had it changed legally 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. But that's beside the point. One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.

Rose: Therapy's a wonderful idea. Oh, I remember St. Olaf's most famous psychotherapists, the Freud brothers, Sigmund and Roy. You may have read their bestseller, "If I Have All the Cheese I Want, Why Am I Still Unhappy?"

Dorothy: I have to go to work, and I don't want you to worry about me. I'm going to say to you what you said to me the very first day you dropped me off at school. "See if you can find someone who looks clean to drive you home."

Dorothy: What's wrong?
Blanche: I will tell you what's wrong. I took Rose here on my shoot today, and they want to use her hands. Imagine. They want to use my face but her hands. Can you believe it? This is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me.
Dorothy: Ah, how quickly you forget the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.
Blanche: Big deal. 80,000 people had to wait 20 minutes. The torch eventually got there, didn't it?

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, come on. Are you saying that you never stretched the truth with me?
Sophia: Those were harmless lies.
Dorothy: "All first-grade girls wear men's shoes"?
Sophia: I put bows on them, didn't I? You do the best you can with a pair of brown Florsheims, and this is the thanks you get.