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‘Older and Wiser’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Older and Wiser

618. Older and Wiser

Aired February 16, 1991

Dorothy arranges for Sophia to be looked after at a care home by pretending she's the new activities director. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose appear in a photo shoot for a grocery store.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Well, it wasn't unnatural in St. Olaf. We not only took care of our old people, we revered them, honored them, put them on a pedestal. 'Course, that's how we got to be the broken hip capital of the Midwest.

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Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I have to go to work, and I don't want you to worry about me. I'm going to say to you what you said to me the very first day you dropped me off at school. "See if you can find someone who looks clean to drive you home."

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: What's wrong?
Blanche: I will tell you what's wrong. I took Rose here on my shoot today, and they want to use her hands. Imagine. They want to use my face but her hands. Can you believe it? This is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me.
Dorothy: Ah, how quickly you forget the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.
Blanche: Big deal. 80,000 people had to wait 20 minutes. The torch eventually got there, didn't it?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, come on. Are you saying that you never stretched the truth with me?
Sophia: Those were harmless lies.
Dorothy: "All first-grade girls wear men's shoes"?
Sophia: I put bows on them, didn't I? You do the best you can with a pair of brown Florsheims, and this is the thanks you get.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what do you think you're doing?
Sophia: Oh, look who's here. Everybody remembers my daughter Dorothy. Or maybe you know her by her Indian name, "Dances With Nobody."

Quote from Rose

Rose: Dorothy, that's dishonest.
Dorothy: She wouldn't have gone for it if I'd told her the truth. And, oh, like you never told a lie?
Rose: That's right. I've never told a lie. Well, just once, when I snuck out of class to go to the movies.
Dorothy: It's not much of a lie.
Rose: That's what I thought. Turned out to be the day they taught everything.
Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, there you are. Where have you been?
Blanche: Well, my plan with the truck drivers didn't work, thanks to Little Miss Strait-laced here, so I have been in every front yard in a six-block radius gettin' these PennySavers from the paperboys.
Rose: She was a woman possessed, Dorothy. Caught some on the fly, scaled a couple of roofs. And she had a brilliant idea how to avoid guard dogs.
Dorothy: You made her wear lamb chops again, didn't you?
Blanche: It's not like they slow her down.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I think this will be good for you. Mr. Porter seems like a nice man. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun there.
Sophia: And don't forget the money. I haven't had a paycheck since 1942, and then I blew it all on war bonds.
Dorothy: Well, at least you got it back.
Sophia: No, Italian war bonds. I fell for their slick advertising campaign. "Buy Italian war bonds - the quickest, surest, fascist way to double your money."

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Well, let's go.
Dorothy: Ma, you want to make a good impression? Matching shoes.
Sophia: They should match my purse?
Dorothy: No, they should match each other.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Ah, girls, it finally happened. The most wonderful thing happened to me at the drug store today.
Rose: Oh, no. Dr. Scholl was there in person, and I missed it.
Blanche: Rose, get new heroes.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, look at this place. It's lovely.
Sophia: Don't get any ideas, Pussycat.
Dorothy: I'm not getting any ideas, Ma.
Sophia: You're scheming. Remember Shady Pines, Dorothy? "Honest, Ma, this is the way to the new Dairy Queen."

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: But did you see them? Some of those people stayed in front of that TV for eight straight hours. Of course, throw in a bag of cheese corn, and I just described your Saturday nights.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, Mr. Porter had them resting, which is something you might want to try. I don't like this whole deal.
Sophia: Shady Pines - now, there's a home. Luxury suites, tennis tournaments. Want a massage? Dial nine. And the food. The filet mignon...
Dorothy: Oh, really, Ma? Shady Pines had filet mignon?
Sophia: One. They'd throw it in the pit and make us fight for it.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Blanche, I'm confused. So they want to use Rose's hands. What's the big deal?
Rose: Yeah, Blanche, so what? So life threw the dumb country girl a crumb for once. I mean, you're sexy and beautiful all the time. Let's face it. You have Bette Davis eyes and Freddie Krueger hands.
Blanche: Oh. I have had it with you. I'm going to my room, and I may never come out.
Rose: Is it the weekend already?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Can you believe it? I'm beginning to think Blanche is hung up on her looks.
Dorothy: Boy, you don't need lightning to strike you.
Rose: No, thanks. Not again. Once was enough.
Dorothy: An extra piece of the puzzle.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I'm glad you're here. I got a call from Mr. Porter. He thinks you're pushing the folks at Cypress Grove too hard.
Sophia: Big deal. One little dance-till-you-drop marathon. It only took ten minutes.
Dorothy: And what's this about their staying into the night doing homework?
Sophia: A lot of them sit around waiting for their kids to write. So I said, "Why don't you write to our lonely servicemen instead?" I mean, we older folks have to exercise our minds, too. And don't you forget it, Gloria.
Dorothy: Ma, Gloria is your daughter in California.
Sophia: Uh, I-I knew that. A mere dramatization to make my point, uh, pal.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Look, Ma, I know that you're excited about this job, but-
Sophia: It's more than a job, Dorothy. That's it. "Dorothy." When I see them, I see me. Don't you understand?
Dorothy: Of course I understand. I know that your heart's in the right place, but-
Sophia: No "buts." I'm not going to sit here while people are forced to throw in the towel. Have you ever seen what happens to a person when their brain is allowed to disintegrate and their minds turn completely to mush?
Rose: [staring at her hands] Hey, my middle finger's the longest.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, my God!
Dorothy: What's the matter, Blanche?
Rose: Oh, my God!
Dorothy: Oh, come on, no matter what- Oh, my God! "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? You need Ponce de Leon Antiaging Cream." [laughing, then seriously] I'd sue.
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, how could you?
Rose: Oh, look, they have airbrushed liver spots all over us.
Dorothy: Tell me about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat of a fire engine. [laughing, then seriously] I really would sue.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Do you know what I think the worst part of getting older is?
Dorothy: Your face? Rose's hands?
Blanche: No. I think the worst part about getting older is that overwhelming sense of, "Where did the time go?" I mean, was it really that long ago I was just a little girl?
Dorothy: Oh, why guess? Lift up your chin, and we'll count the rings.
Blanche: Dorothy, I was about to share with you a significant memory from my youth. It was the evening my mother gave birth to Clayton. In the spirit of the happy occasion, Big Daddy and a few of his cronies tied one on and went carousing through the streets of Atlanta, looking for some trouble. Just then, as luck would have it, who rounded the corner but two smart-mouthed New York lawyers. So, one thing led to another, and, well, Big Daddy and his friends ended up sort of skimming them across Higgins Pond. It was all in good fun. Least that was their defense. Anyway, that was the night prohibition started.
Dorothy: Blanche, prohibition started in the '20s.
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. I meant probation. Big Daddy went on probation.
Dorothy: And, uh, the point of this sordid song of the South?
Blanche: Just that sometimes a daughter has to look after her own parent, as unnatural as that may feel.


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