Erica: Okay, I'm gonna shed some light on what it's like to be a freshman girl, and it ain't gonna be pretty. The seniors called me "Frizzica Spazzberg." Every 9th-grade girl, no matter how she looks, feels uncomfortable in her own skin.
Adam: There's a hunk of lettuce in your braces. How did you not feel it?
Erica: I was going through a salad phase! My point is, Emmy just needs a friend who understands how she feels.
Adam: Seriously, though, there's like a whole head of romaine in there.
Erica: I am gonna give you one second to walk away. 1!

Murray: You're a substitute teacher. Just give the boy a damn "A" already.
Beverly: You want me to cheat?
Murray: Of course I do. We got to get that moron into some sort of college.
Beverly: Can you believe this, Dad? He thinks Barry can't do it.
Pops: His answer was "farts."

Murray: Okay, you really want him to buckle down? Let me go upstairs and get his ass in gear.
Beverly: By yelling at him and calling him a moron? No way. That doesn't work. Barry needs inspiration. All I need to do is unlock his potential, and then the sky's the limit.
Murray: His many limits are the limit.
Pops: His answer was "farts."

Coach Mellor: All right, hormonal disasters! It's time to pick teams.

Adam: What you're witnessing is a barbaric practice known as "Shirts vs. Skins." Nothing is worse than having to awkwardly disrobe in front of your bros.
Emmy Mirsky: You got to be kidding me.
Adam: I know! I mean, why not shorts vs. pants? Or red shirts vs. blue shirts? Sure, it would take some planning the night before, but I could get a phone tree going.
Emmy Mirsky: I mean, we are not the same. Do you wear thick, baggy-ass clothes when it's 90 degrees out to hide your body?
Adam: I thought you wear that 'cause you love Epcot.
Emmy Mirsky: I've never even been there. Why would I love it?
Adam: 'Cause it's like taking a trip around the world without leaving the safe confines of Orlando?
Emmy Mirsky: Being a Skin in gym is nothing compared to being stared at all day.
Adam: Well, if you think about it, my thing's actually way worse 'cause at least you get to cover up with bulky fabrics. I get no fabrics! None!

Pops: "What is the chemical symbol for sodium?"
Barry: And my answer?
Pops: "My mommy is the best mommy ever of all mommies on Planet Mommy."
Barry: Nailed it!
Murray: What the hell are you doing, you moron?
Barry: Just giving the lady the answers she always wanted to hear. Pops, what's the atomic weight of chloride?
Pops: "Wittle Barry-wary like Mummy's snuggy-wuggies." Okay, this is just nonsense.

Murray: Look, I hate to tell you this, but your mom is looking for any excuse to fail you.
Barry: What? Why?
Murray: Mom telling you to study is just a trick, because she knows you never do what she says.
Barry: I do don't do that!
Murray: She really wants you to fail so you don't graduate. And no college means you live here forever. And that means she picks out your clothes for the rest of your life.
Barry: But I want Kathy Ireland to pick out my clothes for the rest of my life.
Murray: Well, I hope she enjoys sharing a family bathroom.
Barry: No! She likes sushi and smoothies and Malibu.
Murray: I don't know what to tell you.

Murray: And that, my friend, is how you truly inspire a kid.
Pops: All you did was use his mother as a weapon to rile him up.
Murray: I do it all the time. It's how I got Erica to learn piano, Adam to ice skate. I just tell them that their mom is holding them back.
Pops: You do know that if Bev finds out about this, she'll never forgive you.
Murray: No doubt.
Pops: Aw, screw it. You did what you had to do.

Erica: So, my brother's been a bad friend to Emmy Mirsky.
Coach Mellor: Ah, stabbed in the back by her best amigo. That is a crime worse than all the murders in the world.
Erica: I don't think that's right, but sure. So, could you help her by blatantly abusing your authority?
Coach Mellor: You want old Coach to exact sweet revenge, huh? No problem.
Erica: You're an amazing teacher.
Coach Mellor: I'm sure of it.

Geoff: What are you doing?
Barry: Taking photographs with my mind.
Geoff: You mean memorizing?
Barry: Done! Quiz me. Fire away.
Andy: Dude. It takes more than just glancing at our note cards to know what elements are in Group Four of the Periodic Table.
Barry: Titanium, Zirconium, Hafnium, and Rutherfordium.
Andy: Whoa. When you've got hate in your heart, you're, like, crazy-smart.
Geoff: Also, it totally proves you were never living up to your potential.
Barry: Indeed, Geoffrey. And I will use that potential to stop my mom's evil plan.