Barry: I need you to teach me everything about chemistry so I can get an "A."
Naked Rob: Are you sure you want to join us, bro?
Andy: Yeah, you tend to just sort of peter out, insult us, and then leave us high and dry.
Barry: Not this time, my tiny friend I can fit in my pocket! I have enough anger in me to last for at least three days.

Murray: Well, look at you guys studying.
Barry: Just tutoring my boys. They're having a hard time keeping up.
Murray: Keeping up with you? Turns out science just kind of clicks when I try.
Andy: Barry's even read four chapters ahead for fun.
Geoff: That's right. He knows stuff we can't even begin to comprehend.
Andy: Until we read that far into the book.

Barry: Thanks to you telling me about Mom's awful plan to keep me here to love me forever.
Murray: You're really showing her. Uh, just maybe you keep your rage-learning between us.
Barry: But what's the point of knowledge if you don't use it to destroy your mother?
Murray: You know what would really stick it to her? If you tell her after you got into college.
Barry: (laughs) Yeah. Imagine how miserable she'll be when I go off to Harvard.

Erica: Do you know how hard it was for me to be Frizzica? I used to eat lunch in the bathroom stalls. I'd take the back hallways to avoid boys. I even spent Saturday nights at home watching the news with Dad.
Adam: He yells so much at the news.
Erica: It's like he thinks they can hear him.

Barry: Thanks to my newfound love of sciences, I've officially decided what to do with my life. I shall be a doctor.
Beverly: (gasps)
Barry: I give you the JTP.
All: JTP!
Barry: Not the Jenkintown Posse. I'm talkin' about the Jenkintown Practice, an all-in-one medical facility where I'll be C.E.O. and lead surgeon.
Geoff: I'm the in-house ophthalmologist.
Andy: I'm the foot doc, y'all!
Naked Rob: And I'ma play drums in the waiting room.
Beverly: I cannot believe what I'm hearing!

Erica: Hands off the dork.
Johnny Atkins: Or what?
Erica: I sit behind you in Spanish. Next siesta you take in class, snip-snip, you lose the ponytail.
Johnny Atkins: But that's where my soul resides.

Beverly: Sorry to interrupt. I just came to get my mug.
Barry: Wait, Mom. [climbing on a table] O Captain! My Captain!
Coach Mellor: Sit down, Mr. Goldberg.
Barry: On behalf of me and the rest of the Jenkintown Practice, thank you for believing in us. And in me.
Coach Mellor: I said sit down, Mr. Goldberg.
Naked Rob: O Captain! My Captain!
Andy: O Captain! My Captain!
Geoff: O Captain! My Captain!
Coach Mellor: What'd I say about standing on the desks? Everybody down.

Mr. Glascott: And that is how you perform CPR on a man. Whoa, Mr. Goldberg, what is that you have there? Is that another note?
Adam: What? You just-
Mr. Glascott: You know the rule. If you get caught with a note, you have to stand up and read it out loud so that everybody can hear it.
Adam: "Hey, Adam. Who's your favorite teacher? I know mine's old Glascott. He's hip like us. Dude just gets it. Did you know he's in a funk fusion band called Funk and Games? I heard he's playing at the farmer's market this weekend." I can't read any more. I'm just gonna eat it.
Mr. Glascott: You can't eat paper! It'll plug you up!

Beverly: Name three types of inert gases.
Barry: Easy. There's regular, unleaded, and farts?
Beverly: Farts?
Barry: Farts.
Beverly: The answer is not farts!
Barry: How is fart not a gas?!

Beverly: Who knew Mork from Ork had such a serious side? This movie proves that a sub is the most important person in a child's life. Come Monday, that's just what I'm gonna do inspire my kids.
Pops: You mean your students or your actual kids?
Beverly: Both. It's a win-win.