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40Quotes from ‘Han Ukkah Solo’

The Goldbergs: Han Ukkah Solo

410. Han Ukkah Solo

Aired December 14, 2016

Beverly is determined to get Erica to sing the Hannukah solo in the school's holiday concert. Meanwhile, Adam questions his entire childhood when he finally sees the rare Star Wars Christmas special.

Quote from Pops

Adam: What am I watching?!
Pops: Come on. The duck is like E.T. He just wants to go home.
Adam: Then how come he's spending so much time managing that band?
Murray: Al, the duck's gonna make it with that lady. What have you brought us to?
Pops: A family film. It's a family film.
Adam: I can't watch this anymore.
Murray: Well, then let's go.
Adam: Really? We can do that?
Murray: It's about time you learned that an adult can walk out of anything and demand his damn money back. I do it once a year. Let's go.
Pops: Adam, no! It's not that bad. A lady and a duck in bed? Who the [bleep] thought this was a good idea?

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Quote from Adam

Adam: After I watched that "Star Wars" special, I've been re-evaluating all the things I loved as a child.
Pops: Don't do that.
Adam: All the movies I worship have come into question.
Pops: Don't do that.
Adam: "Short Circuit 2," "Time Bandits," and don't even get me started on "Jaws 4: The Revenge."
Pops: Stop right there. I know you love that movie.
Adam: Until now! Why would a shark swim from New England to The Bahamas to eat a lady who's husband killed his shark friend?
Pops: Sharks have feelings, too.
Adam: "This time, it's personal." How's that possible? It's a fish! Fish don't hold grudges.
Pops: Oh, so now you're a shark expert.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Wow. That was so cool.
Murray: Were we watching two different things?
Adam: You don't know "Star Wars." This special is really for the true fan.
Murray: So, the true fan wants to watch Dorothy from "The Golden Girls" flirt with an alien?
Adam: Uh, okay, I admit it was an odd choice to have Bea Arthur manage the cantina. Let's just move on.
Murray: And what's the deal with Lumpy and Itchy?
Adam: Chewie's family had to be named something.
Murray: Lumpy and Itchy? Couldn't they have spent 15 more seconds on the names?
Adam: I don't know! And I don't know why Art Carney is a family friend or why Jefferson Starship is performing for the Empire.
Murray: Starship's in their name. That one actually makes sense to me.
Adam: Let's never speak of this again.

Quote from Adam

Murray: Hi. Uh, three tickets for the movie about the talking duck. You know, I only see one movie a year. This better be good.
Adam: It's George Lucas! I bet everyone in school's gonna see it. Well, except the other Adam Goldberg in 11th grade. He only goes to that cinema downtown that serves wine.

Quote from Murray

Murray: So, you didn't love it. Who cares?
Adam: I care! I love "Star Wars." It's my life. It makes no sense why I didn't love this, too.
Murray: It happens to every kid. The older you get, the more you realize that all the things you loved as a boy are pointless.
Adam: Are you saying I'm, like losing my sense of childlike wonder?
Murray: Well, you're not a child anymore, so, yes. And frankly, it's about time. It happened to me when I was 6.
Adam: 6?
Murray: My dad lost a bet. We slept in a car. It was a whole thing. Hey, good talk.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Well, this will be the song that puts me on the map. I'm guaranteed to make millions off of it.
Erica: Millions? By writing a Hanukkah song?
Barry: Think about it. What's the greatest cash cow of our time? Give up? It's "Happy Birthday."
Erica: Wait. [singing] "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you"- Dude, no one owns that song.
Barry: Wrong. Two little old ladies wrote it 100 years ago. Now every time it's sung on TV or movies, they get $50,000.
Barry: [singing] Happy birthday to you.
Barry: Boom!
Beverly: That's another $50,000.
Barry: Well, now I'm gonna be the birthday guy for Hanukkah. Ka-ching!

Quote from Pops

Pops: Hey, kiddo. What's shaking?
Adam: What's shaking is "Ghostbusters 2." It's riddled with logic problems. Since when can you use magic slime and a Nintendo controller to make the Statue of Liberty walk?
Pops: Since the ghost fellas can do anything. Why are you being so hard on them?

Quote from Pops

Pops: Thought you might want this back.
Adam: Holiday Special? Did you actually watch it?
Pops: Yep, and guess what? I think you missed something pretty big. This guy. Know him?
Adam: Of course. Boba Fett. He's my favorite character.
Pops: Got to admit, he was pretty cool in this.
Adam: Wait a second. This was made way before "Empire Strikes Back," so if you think about it, the "Holiday Special" gave us the Fett.
Pops: All I know is with the right point of view, this special really is pretty damn special.
Adam: Pops. Um... I don't get it. How do you manage to always see the good in everything?
Pops: It's easy if you never lose your childlike wonder. It doesn't matter how old you are. People like us always have it.
Adam: Really
Pops: Really. I need you to promise me one thing. Always hold on to that wonder, no matter what.
Adam: I will, Pops. I love you.
Pops: I know.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Boring? This is two hours' worth of unseen "Star Wars" goodness.
Murray: "Star Wars." Is that the one with the bear?
Adam: I mean, I-I even heard rumor we meet Chewie's family.
Murray: Chuy? The guy who works in my stock room?
Adam: No, Chewbacca.
Murray: Is he the little guy who yells, "The plane, the plane"?
Adam: No, the wookiee? Han Solo's fuzz ball? [Imitates Chewbacca]
Murray: [snoring]
Adam: No dozing!

Quote from Erica

Ms. Cinoman: Erica, if you didn't want the solo, then why did you sign up for it?
Erica: I didn't.
Ms. Cinoman: Oh, yes, you did. With a glitter pen.
Erica: That's not my handwriting. 'Cause I would never dot the "I" in "Erica" with a heart. Oh, she is so dead!

Quote from Beverly

Erica: The song isn't hip and I'm tired of singing it every year.
Beverly: Fine. Then you go in and tell your grandfather and break his sweet heart. He lives for that Hanukkah solo. If you don't sing it, you'll literally kill that poor old man.
Erica: I knew you'd say that.
Beverly: Way to kill your grandfather and Hanukkah, Erica.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: So, you'll sing it.
Erica: Nope. And if you have a problem with that, then you can just ask Barry to do it.
Beverly: Barry? Please.
Barry: Just heard my name. What am I not supposed to be hearing? Surprise party? Award show? Surprise award show party?
Beverly: Honey, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
Barry: Damn it. That logic checks out. Well, I'm gonna go find my tuxedo T-shirt for no reason and be back around 6:00, wink, wink.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hey, hey, Suzie Cinoman. How's the number-one music and interpretive-dance teacher in Montgomery County?
Ms. Cinoman: What's gonna happen to me right now?
Beverly: Well, all that's happening right now is that this blondie brought you some blondies. I even sprinkled some cinnamon on top. It's us in dessert form.
Ms. Cinoman: That's very nice. I'm just, um, gonna go ahead and open this door to make sure that people know I'm okay.
Beverly: Oh, come on. Everything's just peachy. Here. Have a bite of us. Go on. Put it in your face. Yum, yum.
Ms. Cinoman: Mm. Mmm! I guess we are friends now.
Beverly: Best friends. And while you're chewing on that, chew on this, you're gonna give Erica a solo or it's your ass.
Ms. Cinoman: I knew it! These blondies aren't just sprinkled with cinnamon, they're sprinkled with deceit.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Kids, there's no need to fight over who's gonna write the perfect Hanukkah song. Although Barry does seem to want it more.
Barry: Yes! Barry wins. In your face!
Erica: You're just trying to pit us against each other so I write you a song out of spite. It won't work.
Barry: [mockingly] You're just trying to pit us against each other so meow, meow, meow, meow.
Erica: Idiot, you're playing into her plan.
Barry: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. [Normal voice] You're a cat, basically. "Meow, meow, meow, meow. I'm Garfield. I love lasagna!"
Erica: Ugh. You're so stupid! Fine! I will write a better song than you with my eyes closed.

Quote from Erica

Erica: [singing and playing piano] Oh, yeah Hanu, Ha-Ha-Hanu Hanukkah I'm a-wishin' I'm-a wishin' A happy Hanukkah to you A happy Hanukkah to you Happy Hanukkah, dear everyone Happy Hanukkah to you.
Ms. Cinoman: Yeah, that's the birthday song.
Barry: Not fair, cheater.
Ms. Cinoman: I can't use that song. I will have to pay those old ladies hundreds of thousands of dollars, and I've already spent our entire budget on construction paper for the snowflakes.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: How could you let this happen, Erica? All you had to do was write a timeless classic that would last for ages.
Barry: I got you covered, Mom. JTP, drop the beat. [Rapping] How did Hanukkah start, you all wonder Judah Maccabee, dinosaur hunter He came to Earth from outer space He hunted dinos For eight straight days!

Quote from Barry

Ms. Cinoman: While I really do appreciate the effort even though, uh, one song was plagiarized and the other one was factually insane-
Barry: You are insane. I added dinosaurs to a holiday about lamps. It's called spicing it up.
Ms. Cinoman: Look, the "Dreidel" song was our only option and, truthfully, none of this was worth the hassle.
Beverly: You can't do this to me! To Pops. This is about him.
Ms. Cinoman: Not my problem. The "Dreidel" song is cut.
Barry: But I have more sick rhymes about a dreideldactyl and menorahsaurus. They're dino-Hanukkah hybrids who break-dance and fight crime.

Quote from Murray

Pops: Hey. I got something big to show Adam. Where is he?
Murray: Upstairs. He said he was gonna tear down his movie posters now that his whole world has gone to crap. Blah, blah, blah. I was making a sandwich.
Pops: What? Why didn't you stop him?
Murray: Stop him? I told him this was about time. This happens to everybody. It just took him a few years longer.
Pops: Having unreasonable, childlike wonder is what makes Adam Adam. It's what I love about the boy.
Murray: I guess from now on, Adam isn't Adam. We'll call him Gary.
Pops: Who the hell's Gary?
Murray: Gary's the kid in Adam's class who's really good at baseball and rides the moped. Ah, Gary.
So normal. So good at shortstop.

Quote from Pops

Pops: I'm gonna show Adam that there's still plenty of wonder left in this world, and you'll have to get off your tuchas to stop me.
Murray: Eh. Well played, old man. Well played.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Kiddo, you're coming with me. I got something fantastic you're guaranteed to love.
Adam: I'm good.
Pops: Well, imagine if they made a movie with your favorite moving-picture maker, George Lucas.
Adam: The Great Bearded One?
Pops: And what if Mr. Lucas then cast that foxy Lea Thompson from "Back in the Future"?
Adam: I'm slightly listening.
Pops: And what if I told you this very movie was from the writer of "Indiana Jones"?
Adam: I'm an adult now. I know it's simply not possible.
Pops: And yet it is, and it's playing at the Hiway Theater. If this movie can't restore your faith in dreaming, then nothing will.

Quote from Beverly

Principal Ball: It's been brought to my attention that the "Dreidel Cubed" song has been cut from the holiday concert.
Ms. Cinoman: Honestly, it's for the best.
Principal Ball: It's not. We got to do the "Dreidel."
Ms. Cinoman: She's gotten to you, hasn't she?
Principal Ball: She who?
Ms. Cinoman: She is standing right outside that door, isn't she?
Principal Ball: Yes.
Beverly: So, here's the thing, Cinnabuns, this Quaker school was founded on the basis that everyone deserves a festive holiday song.

Quote from Beverly

Principal Ball: You can't have a holiday concert without any Cha-nukkah songs. Just pick another one.
Ms. Cinoman: Sure, Earl. Uh, how about one of the famous ones recorded by, oh, I don't know, - Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond?
Principal Ball: Perfect.
Ms. Cinoman: They only did Christmas songs. Even they knew what the audience wanted.
Principal Ball: Well, look, if you don't do any Cha-nukkah songs, then you can't do any Christmas songs, either.
Beverly: Okay, this is going off the rails. If we can't mention the holidays, what are the kids supposed to sing about?
Principal Ball: Oh, I don't know. The weather? Mittens? The damn plow guy that always skips your street?

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the final rehearsal for the big non-holiday holiday concert.
All: [singing] We wish a snowy Tuesday, we wish you a snowy Tuesday We wish you a snowy Tuesday and a cozy weekend
[to tune of "Silent Night"] Snowy night, secular night-
[to tune of "O Christmas Tree"] O winter time, O winter time You come before spring and after fall
[to tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus"] Here comes Uncle Doug Here comes Uncle Doug His flight gets in around 3:00

Quote from Murray

Adam: You replaced my favorite posters.
Murray: I guess it's a holiday miracle.

Quote from Pops

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Once I saw the good in the "Star Wars" special, I began to see the good in everything. And so I went back to finish "Howard the Duck." Turns out he became a legendary cult badass.
Pops: Aren't you glad we came back and saw the end?
Adam: Oh, yeah. I wish I was half as cool as Howard.
Pops: He does have a way with the ladies.


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