Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I had my work cut out for me, Barry was working on getting Geoff back in the JTP.
Barry: JTP reunited with Geoff.
All: JTP reunited with Geoff!
Naked Rob: Hey, what's with the video tape?
Geoff: Oh, Muriel rolled over, and I got it on film. Should we ask the bartender to play it on that TV?
Barry: I will! She said, "No." [throws tape] We are gathered here to support the birth of Andy Cogan by watching his favorite sport, ladies wrestling.
Geoff: Is this GLOW, the "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling" from TV?
Barry: No, this is PLOW... The Pennsylvania Ladies of Wrestling. 'Cause we're all gonna get plowed tonight.

Naked Rob: Uh, ladies, this is Andy. It's his birthday.
Andy: Yeah, it is.
Barry: And he likes strange women walking up to him.
Andy: Yeah, I do.
Matt: And he's currently very single.
Andy: Yeah, I am.
Geoff: Not me, though. I got a wife and kid at home. You want to see a photo of my little one? Be warned, you will "aww" from cuteness. [the ladies walk away] Eh, it's probably for the best. Those ladies seemed a tad eager.
Matt: Yeah, we hate that.
Naked Rob: So much.
Andy: It's my birthday, dude.

Adam: I heard several full conversations throughout my performance, so thanks for that.
Johnny Atkins: Yeah, we gotta talk. You've been recast. Here's your new scene partner.
Adam: You mean a dance number with a mop, like Fred Astaire with a hat rack?
Johnny Atkins: No, you're the new janitor. Now moppy-mop.
Adam: Wait, what?
Johnny Atkins: Dude, some people just aren't meant to be entertainers. Like, specifically you.
Adam: But that's my whole thing. I'm a triple threat. I act, I write, I direct.
Johnny Atkins: You're still a triple threat. Mop, rinse, bucket. Watch out, dirt.

Beverly: There's my prince of gourds.
Adam: Here's the thing... I ain't doing that.
Beverly: Directing a musical tribute to pumpkins and squash is an opportunity of a lifetime.
Adam: Is it? Is it?! I'm actually asking the question because I don't know what anything means anymore.
Beverly: Fine. Who says that the Winter Gourd Fest has to be about gourds?
Adam: I think everybody.
Beverly: Nonsense. Cold-weather vegetables are merely a suggestion.
Adam: Really? So I can do anything?
Beverly: Since you seem slightly sad, I will say yes for now and then deal with the certain fallout.
Adam: Oh, Mama, you did it again!
Beverly: Yes! And whatever you come up with will surely celebrate the most perfect person in your life.
Adam: I'll humor you with a maybe. To my new burly computer.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, I got to work on an idea that had been rattling around in my head forever.
Adam: I stayed up all night and wrote what future generations will hail as a masterpiece. [angelic chorus sings] I present to you "Blade Runner: The Musical"! Any questions?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] There were more than a few.
Adam: Adam F. Goldberg is back, baby!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Geoff's night out with the JTP hadn't exactly gone as planned.
Erica: Hey, hon. How was being with your best buds? Much better than sitting around with a bunch of moms, am I right?
Geoff: It was terrible. We're completely different people now.
Erica: Like, different in a way you still want to hang out on Saturday evenings at 5:00 p.m.?
Geoff: They're so immature. They wanted to watch ladies wrestle, possibly in mud.
Erica: Sweetie, I don't mind if you watch ladies wrestling every Saturday night. You can even wrestle with them.
Geoff: Anyway, how was the parent group?
Erica: It was better than usual. Lots of estrogen, everyone felt comfortable.
Geoff: Ah, we're so lucky to have them.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, it was time for Erica to tell her husband the truth. Or go find Barry and make him do it.
Erica: What the hell, dude? You were supposed to yank Geoff back into the JTP.
Barry: Dadhood has ruined him. He used to just be an anxious buzzkill. Now he's a full-blown party pooper.
Erica: Maybe you guys are the poopers. And stop worrying about Geoff and grow up.
Barry: I am fully grown. Mom's friend said so.
Erica: Look, Geoff's a dad now. And maybe someday God will have a sense of humor and make you one, as well. So why not learn about where he's coming from before you kick him to the curb?
Barry: You're right. He's more than a dork married to a shrew. He's also a lame dad. I've got some thinking to do.

Principal Ball: The Winter Gourd Fest is back on and Adam's getting replaced.
Mr. Glascott: Yes! It's Glascott-o-clock!
Principal Ball: Andrea, you're up.
Mr. Glascott: On deck and ready to go.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] There's my indestructible Schmoo who accepts life's triumphs and defeats with the same amount of grace.
Adam: Which scarf says brilliant director more, cream or off-cream?
Beverly: The choice is too hard. You should quit.
Adam: What? I just need to pick.
Beverly: Oh, no. The pressure they put on you to make these decisions... No. No. You should quit.
Adam: Never! This is gonna be my magnum opus.
Beverly: That the world isn't ready for. Better to quit now and just save it for later.
Adam: What's all this quitting talk?
Beverly: Oh, boy. Um, how do I say this? Um, Adam, you... You're f... Adam, you're fired. Principal Ball is shutting down the show. I've failed as a mother. I enabled you with too much praise, and you took it too far. I'm sorry.
Adam: Okay. First I was demoted to janitor. Now I'm being fired from something I actually care about. [sighs] Maybe I'm really not supposed to do this anymore.

Mr. Glascott: Major school emergency. The children refuse to musically honor the mighty gourd.
Beverly: John, what are you saying?
Mr. Glascott: I'm saying that Adam inspired them with his adult robot tale, and they won't perform anything else.
Adam: Really?
Mr. Glascott: You need to get down there and put on a show.
Adam: Uh... I don't know.
Beverly: I do. Adam, you're re-hired.