Hilary: Daddy, I'm not gonna have a baby.
Philip: Oh, that's a relief. I must tell you, this whole thing has been very upsetting.
Hilary: It's been upsetting for me too. I thought that the show going national was gonna change my life. I mean, I had set certain career goals for myself and then when I reached them, I still felt empty.
Philip: Sweetheart, it's fine to have career goals, but it's wrong to assume that's all you need to make you happy.
Hilary: I know. That's why I thought I needed a baby. Maybe I need a new car.
Philip: Oh, God, Hilary.
Hilary: I'm kidding, Daddy.
Philip: Oh, God. I don't have all the answers. I wish I did, but I don't. You know, it used to be so easy. You'd cry, I'd buy you a bracelet. You cried louder, maybe some earrings.
Hilary: I miss those days.
Philip: Well, just remember happiness comes from inside.

Hilary: Will, how do you turn these on?
Will: You gotta work them yourself, Hil.
Hilary: Oh. Ew! I'm starting to sweat.

Hilary: I have my whole agenda planned. First, I have an apple wrap then a hot-oil massage, finishing with an aroma-therapy facial. I'll be lucky if I'm able to walk tomorrow.

Hilary: Oh, I see we have company. Who's your friend?
Will: Hilary, he's a dummy.
Hilary: [giggles] Who needs brains when you got a body like that?

Will: Oh, Hil, why so blue?
Hilary: Ha, ha. I volunteered to spend the weekend with a flock of Blue Birds.
Will: Well, just keep them away from my car. I just got it waxed.
Hilary: They're not real birds. They're like Girl Scouts. And I am the honorary Hen Mother.
Philip: Hilary, that's wonderful. What do you have planned?
Hilary: Planned? I don't know. I thought I'd just watch them run around.
Philip: Sweetheart, I think groups like this usually like to do outdoorsy things. You know, like camping, hiking, horseback riding.
Hilary: They do? Oh.

Philip: Hilary, how's it going with your little Blue Birds?
Hilary: Terrific. We finally found something that we can really connect on. Where are they? Come on, girls. Hurry it up. Last one in the sauna is gonna get clogged pores.

Philip: Oh, Hilary, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were reading.
Hilary: I am. This is fascinating.
Philip: What's it about?
Hilary: Me. Frederick's arrival's made me wanna look into my own past, you know? Look at all of this. It's all me. I have enough stuff here to write a book.
Philip: Kind of a riches-to-riches story, huh?

Will: Hil, I need to talk to you for a second. Now, look, what if you knew something that you really needed to tell somebody but you knew if you told them it would hurt them? Maybe even break their heart.
Hilary: Oh, no. I haven't grown into my nose.

Will: Hey, what's up, Hil? How'd it go with Reg?
Hilary: Regis loves me for finally bringing a little flavor to the show. The promo's about to come on.
Regis Philbin: [on TV] Join us tomorrow when our guests will be Wynonna Judd, Lisa Kudrow and Luke Perry. And, of course, my beautiful guest co-host Miss Arthel Neville.
Arthel Neville: [on TV] That's right, Reg, I'll be right here next to you all week.
Hilary: Oh, great. Now where am I supposed to sit?

Hilary: Oh, Geoffrey, I'm gonna miss you. Oh, we have to have a special going-away dinner for you. What do you wanna make?