Will: Now, wait a minute, Uncle Phil. I don't usually say this, but I agree with the little squidget. Come on, you can't go down to that courthouse by yourself. You need a bodyguard. Hey, I'm your man.
Philip: I'll be fine, Will.
Will: Uh-huh. That's just what Bobo Anderson said.
Philip: Who?
Will: Bobo Anderson. One of my boys from back in Philly. Oh see, Bobo started getting all these threatening letters. Everybody was like: "Yo, Bobo, you need to watch your back. You know brothers be tripping." He's like, "No, man, I'm cool. I'm all right." Then, bam! One day he just up and disappeared.
Carlton: He was killed?
Will: Oh, no, his family moved out of town. I ain't seen him since third grade.
Philip: Will, what has all this got to do with your being my bodyguard?
Will: Oh. You know, I figure if you let me slide down to that courtroom with you, you know I might get to console some of them show-biz madam girls. You know, it won't be just your body I'm guarding, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about, dawg. You know what I'm saying, right? You know. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, right? You know. You know what I'm saying, boy? You know Damn, I miss Bobo.

Detective Simms: Well, whenever there's a high-profile case like this every wacko comes out of the woodwork.
Carlton: I say we treat this as a code-one priority. We need to seal the perimeter. I want four cars on 24-hour surveillance sharpshooters on the roof, and a canine team. And remember, we're working with a nut here.
Detective Simms: And who are you?
Will: He's the nut we working with. [laughs]
Carlton: Carlton Banks. I'll be your point man on this little operation.
Detective Simms: Well, I'll tell you what, you let us do our job, and we'll let you do whatever it is you do.

Will: Tssh! Mirror, mirror on the wall I ain't too short, I ain't too tall Damn, if I don't have it all Come here.

Vivian: Come on, everybody, your dad's on TV. The jury's about to announce the verdict.
Ashley: Do you think she's innocent or guilty?
Will: Oh, please, that woman turned more tricks than David Copperfield.
Hilary: She'll probably get off with community service.
Will: Seems to me, community service is what got her in this mess in the first place, you know what I'm saying? Serving the community. Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?

Geoffrey: This fax just came in.
Carlton: Oh, my God.
Will: What? What does it say?
Carlton: It says, "I'm gonna kill you, Banks."
Will: Yo. Hey, it's a death threat against Uncle Phil.
Vivian: What?
Hilary: What?
Carlton: Dad? Oh, thank God. I thought it was for me.

Carlton: Now, Ashley's out in the decoy vehicle and this will be command central. And this baby right here will monitor all our activities. Your assignment is to be on this 24 hours a day. Now, have you read the manual and committed the frequency to memory?
Geoffrey: Check.
Carlton: Now, what do you do if we get caught?
Geoffrey: Laugh.

Hilary: Oh, I see we have company. Who's your friend?
Will: Hilary, he's a dummy.
Hilary: [giggles] Who needs brains when you got a body like that?

Philip: The biggest day of my professional career and now I'm gonna be late.
Carlton: You should've stayed in the car. We could've protected you.
Philip: The only person who's gonna need protection now is you, if you don't back off!
Carlton: He's just a little tense about the trial.
Will: Ah, just let him bang down a couple Ding Dongs. He'll be all right.

Ashley: Where are you going?
Will: Oh, I finally got a date with Lori Williams and I am on my way. How I look, huh? Uh, uh, boom!
Ashley: Uh... Fine.
Will: Uh... Fine?
Ashley: Well, I don't know. I think it's that suit. It's kind of...
Will: Kind of what?
Ashley: It just has way too many buttons and the color is very '95.
Will: Girl, you must be crazy. I look great. I'm the man when it comes to fashion. I know when I look good. Shoot, girl, I-
Carlton: [comes downstairs in the same suit] Hey, guys.
Will: I'm gonna go ahead and change.

Carlton: Dad's liable to give her life. I got grounded for a whole month just because I came home late.
Will: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everybody's hopes up like that and then showing up again.