Kelso: You know, when was the last time that Red took you out for a night on the town?
Kitty: Well, a couple of weeks ago he took me to the movies and then when it was over he came back and he picked me up.

Randy: All right, Fez, you, find a place, Kelso you buy the beer, and Leo, you're in charge of the adult entertainment.
Leo: Okay, man. But I haven't stripped since I was at Chippendales.
Fez: You were not at Chippendales.
Leo: Oh, right. I stripped in Bloomingdale's. I used to be really kinda out of it.

Red: Kitty. What's for supper?
Kitty: Well, that's up to the chef at Frenchies. We're going out tonight and I'm getting the most expensive thing on the menu.
Red: The six-dollar steak? Kitty, we're in a recession!

Kelso: I still can't believe our little Hyde went off and married a Las Vegas stripper.
Fez: Yeah. Now we have to get him a present. What says, "Congratulations on your wedding, I want to nail your wife"?
Kelso: Oh, we should get him one of those big electric knives! Those suckers will cut right through your hand.

Kelso: Bachelor party? That is awesome! Okay, the first guy that throws up has to pay for everything! No, wait, that's always me. Uh, okay, the second guy... Ah, that's me, too. Awesome. I'm paying.

Fez: Bad news, Kelso, we can't have the bachelor party at our place. Our landlord said he'll evict us if we have any more crazy parties.
Kelso: How was I supposed to know that raccoon had rabies?

Randy: Okay, Kelso, you'll be in charge of getting rid of the Formans.
Kelso: That'll be easy.
Donna: Without starting a fire.
Kelso: Why don't you just handcuff me and throw me in a well, Donna. Uh, okay, Mrs. Forman is a woman, which means that she used to be a chick. So therefore, I will just play on her insecurities.
Fez: Kelso, I really doubt you can pull that off.
Kelso: Sure, I can, Mr. You're-Never-Gonna-Lose-Those-Love-Handles.
Fez: I stand corrected.

Randy: So what we need is a crazy way to get Hyde here without him expecting anything.
Kelso: Wait a minute, I'm a cop.
Randy: Yeah. So me and Fez will be in the El Camino with Hyde, you pull us over, arrest us and bring us to the party in a police car.
Kelso: No! I left my gun at the playground! [runs out]

Kelso: So you're staying home again. Sounds to me like your marriage is dead.
Kitty: What? Our marriage is fine.
Fez: Oh, please! Red's got you working harder than a hot dog salesman at a fat guy convention.

Hyde: Fez, I don't know why you are smiling, but I promise you won't be when I sell your ass for a pack of cigarettes.
Fez: First of all, this ass is worth at least a carton. And second of all, welcome to your bachelor party.
Hyde: A bachelor party has beers and topless ladies. This place has iron bars and a bum wearing no pants sitting on my jacket. That is not a cushion.