Randy: Fez, I don't think this is part of the bachelor party. They fingerprinted us.
Fez: Well, I don't know. Maybe that's how the strippers know what to charge. You know, at the end of the night, they count the fingerprints on their boobies and they know who owes what.

Donna: Okay, stop. Jackie, you and Samantha are gonna have to learn to how to get along. Mostly because I don't like being the cream filling in your Oreo of bitchiness.
Jackie: Oh, so what, all of a sudden your happiness is more important than mine? You are so selfish!

Hyde: I can't believe you guys got me thrown in jail. It feels so fake, like I didn't earn it.

Hyde: Yeah, guys, so I'm loving spending my bachelor party in jail. What are you guys gonna do for my birthday? Set me on fire, push me off a cliff?

Kelso: I'll take care of this. Ah, listen, Sergeant, ah, I think there was, like, a big misunderstanding. See, I was supposed to arrest these guys on trumped-up charges and then take 'em to a bachelor party in the police car and then we were gonna watch some strippers dance and get drunk. But I was totally gonna be back by the end of my shift. Isn't that hilarious?
[cut to Kelso joining the guys in the jail cell:]
Kelso: That lady has no sense of humor.

Red: Well, I'm all out of money since big spender, here, had to get the salad bar.
Kitty: Well, for heaven's sake, Red. I'll just write the girls a check and the boys can pay us back later.
Stripper: Fine. It's $100.
Kitty: Well, clearly I am in the wrong profession.

Donna: Okay, you both made some really good points. But now I think we should sit down and talk like intelligent adults.
[circle:]
Donna: My Trans-Am is gonna be orange with wings and wheels made of fire. And when you slam on the brakes, a parachute shoots out of the back with my picture on it and I'm flippin' you off!
Jackie: Donna, this party was such a good idea. You know what I love? Watching this airhead stripper wasting away her last remaining brain cells.
Samantha: You know what I love? Your old boyfriend!
Jackie: Wait, I just realized something. I think I hate you!
Samantha: That's so lucky, because I hate you, too!
Jackie: But, I'm gonna put up with you for Donna's sake. 'Cause she doesn't have very many friends!
Donna: That's not true, Jackie. I have a ton of friends. There's... [time lapse] Oh, there's that one girl who... [chuckles] No! [time lapse] [Donna snores and falls off her chair]

Kelso: Listen, Hyde, I'm sorry about this mess, man. But you can't get married and not expect your buds to throw you a party. I mean, your life is over, we gotta celebrate!
Hyde: Yeah. Where were you guys gonna take me, anyway?
Kelso: The Formans'.
Hyde: Huh. Where I live. Yeah, I can see why you needed an elaborate plan to get me there.
Sgt. Davis: All right, since Officer Kelso is responsible for this, the rest of you are free to go. It's not your fault your friend is a complete moron.
Kelso: Well, that's true. You can't choose your friends.

Randy: Uh, Fez. I know you said all us white people look the same, but that is not Kelso.
Fez: Oh, I know what is going on here. If Kelso pulls us over, then Hyde will be suspicious. So he sent another cop to make the joke more realistic. Oh, Kelso, you beautiful genius.
Hyde: Nice job, Fez, you just got me a ticket.
Fez: Ah, starting off slow with a ticket, huh? Nice touch! I'll take that.
Hyde: Fez, what are you doing?
Police Officer: Sir, give me back that ticket before you...
Fez: Before what? It starts to snow? [rips up ticket]
Police Officer: Okay, that's it!
Fez: What are you gonna do, piggie? Throw us in jail?
[cut to the police officer closing the cell door:]
Fez: He threw us in jail.