Red: Okay, Kitty, what is it?
Kitty: Okay, it's about the neighbors. There's something you should know.
Jeff: [o.s.] Touchdown!
Red: Oh, damn it! See what you made me miss?
[When Red opens the kitchen door, he sees Josh and Jeff kissing in celebration]
Red: Kitty, I think those guys are gay!

Kitty: Red, you can't hide from Jeff and Josh all night.
Red: Not all night. Just till they eat all the cookies and decide to skip home.
Kitty: Red Forman. So our neighbors are gay. So what? At least they'll keep the place nice, and our property values will go up.
Red: What am I supposed to say to them now?
Kitty: You've been talking to them the whole game, you knew what to say then.
Red: Well, that was before I saw them kissing in my living room.
Kitty: Didn't bother you last night when you saw Abbott kiss Costello.
Red: Well, that was different. They had to do that to fool the landlord.

Bob: Hey, Red. Can I borrow some socks?
Red: No.
Kitty: Bob, we're having a crisis here.
Red: [whispers] The new neighbors are gay!
Bob: They're gay? Oh, great! Now they're gonna be all over me.
Red: What the hell are you talking about?
Bob: I can't explain it. Men find me attractive. Yeah. Everybody wants a piece of the Pinci.

Jackie: Fez? You came back.
Fez: Jackie, I need to tell you something, something about you and me.
Jackie: Really?
Fez: Yes. This whole time, I was off making out with that girl, and all of a sudden it felt wrong.
Jackie: It did?
Fez: Yes. I shouldn't have been with her. I should have been with you.
Jackie: Oh, my God. Fez, I've wanted to hear that for so long. I feel the same way.
Fez: And I realized something, and I want everyone to know it! Jackie Burkhart and I are in love... with disco!
Jackie: Wait. What?
Fez: Yeah, and I will not stand by and let you set fire to these musical booty-shaking masterpieces.
[As Fez gestures with his arms, he knocks over a lantern and sets the bonfire ablaze]
Fez: That's unfortunate.

Officer Ron: So, you did pretty well tonight.
Hyde: Yep. And I learned a valuable lesson about art versus commerce. The lesson is, I'm rich.
Officer Ron: Good for you, man. But I'm gonna have to write you a little ticket for disturbing the peace, and that's gonna cost you about... How much you got there?
Hyde: 208 bucks.
Officer Ron: 208 bucks. [takes money]
Hyde: Fine. Officer Ron? You don't wanna buy your badge back? [gives money back to Hyde] Oh, and your car?

Josh: Avon calling.
Kitty: Josh. Jeff. [chuckles] You're back. Look, Red, Josh and Jeff are back.
Red: Hey, men.
Josh: Red, we just wanted to come by to thank you.
Red: Thank me?
Jeff: Yeah. It's not that easy for two guys like us to just move into a new neighborhood and make friends. But you welcomed us into your home with open arms.
Red: Well, sure. You're a couple of decent guys.
Josh: Not before he's had his coffee.
Jeff: Like you're a ray of sunshine! Anyway, you've been great. The last place we lived, we had to tell people we were brothers. Who would ever believe that the two of us could be brothers?
Josh: Anyway, we wanted to give you this, you know, to say thanks.
Red: What is it?
Jeff: Fruit cake.
Kitty: [laughs] Well, that's clever. It's a dessert and an ice-breaker.

Red: Well, what do you say we all sit down and watch the Packers kick the crap out of the Vikings, huh?
Josh: Well, we like the Vikings.
Red: What did you say? You're Viking fans? What the hell is wrong with you? Get out of my house!
Josh: Red, come on, it's not our fault. We're from Minnesota.
Jeff: We were born this way!
Red: Out! Out, sickos! [Josh and Jeff exit]
Kitty: Well, thanks a lot, Red. Now I'll never know what rug ties this room together.

Donna: Oh, I heard how in Chicago they made a huge bonfire out of disco records. Also, they cover their hotdogs in pastrami. It's freaking awesome.

Fez: You guys are awful. Disco has been great to me. Without disco, if I rub my crotch on a girl, it's illegal. With disco, it's a bar mitzvah.
Jackie: See, disco has given Fez and I some of our best times together. Oh, like remember the night when we beat Johnny and Melina at that dance-off? Oh, we kicked their gold-lame asses! [gasps] You know what? I heard Johnny's working at a car wash. Yeah. Uh-huh. We did that to him.
Fez: Jackie, be nice. Car wash. He's poor!
Jackie: You see that? See? We got a trophy and the satisfaction of knowing we ruined two people's lives. So you can have your little bonfire, but we're not going.

Hyde: Well, the bonfire looks pretty sturdy. Remember, if the flames get too high, we saw the foreign kid playing with the matches.