Jackie: What do you guys have against disco? It's the only thing white people can dance to.

Hyde: Disco sucks, man. It's painful to listen to. It makes me wanna shoot myself. It's the musical equivalent of Jackie.

Jackie: Fez, guess what I just got. The new Village People album!
Fez: How many songs can they write about where men go to massage each other? [reads track list] The Navy. These boys never let me down!

Hyde: Man, we should have our own bonfire. I'm sick of corporations selling crap to kids that dumbs them down and makes them act stupid. Hey, I can sell beer at the bonfire.

Fez: Yeah, I'm going to Weight Watchers to pick up women. The thin ones are great, but they have low self-esteem. That way, you get a hot chick for fat girls prices.
Jackie: Wait, Fez. Hey, maybe we should go. You know, and defend the music that we love. As a team.
Fez: Sure, what the hell. Weight Watcher meetings will always be there. God bless The Dairy State. We never run out of fat girls.

Kitty: Red, I invited the new neighbors over for coffee and cookies. That way I can bad-mouth the rest of the block before they do it to me.
Red: Kitty, I don't wanna meet new neighbors. I had to wait 12 years for the old ones to croak. Always wanted to talk and say, "Hello!" Dumbasses.

Kitty: Oh, okay, they're here. Now, be nice. I haven't met the wife yet, but the husband, Josh, was very sweet. He's a car salesman, and he told me he'd give me a great deal on a LeBaron, just because he likes me. [giggles] Although he's gonna have to ask his supervisor first. [opens door] Hello, Josh.
Josh: Hi, Kitty. Good to see you again. This is Jeff.
Kitty: Hi, Jeff. Where's your wife?
Jeff: You're looking at her.
Josh: The only lady in my life is my little Pomeranian, Tina Louise.
Jeff: Who is going to the pound if she doesn't stop humping my cowboy boots.
Josh: We are not having this conversation here.
Kitty: Okay, well, I'm confused. [chuckles] So, you two live together, but I only saw the movers bringing in one bed. Oh! Well... Congratulations!

Kitty: Look, Red, the new neighbors are here, and they're a couple of fellows.
Red: Wait a second. You guys live together?
Josh: Yep.
Red: Without any wives or girlfriends?
Jeff: Yep.
Red: You know what I call guys like you?
Kitty: Oh, dear.
Red: Lucky bastards! [chuckles] [Kitty laughs]

Man: Hey, man. How much for a beer?
Hyde: One dollar.
Man: Awesome. There you go.
Hyde: Now, if you want it in a cup, that's an extra three bucks. Oh. And, there's a two-dollar pouring charge.
Man: You want six bucks for a beer?
Hyde: You can always go to the other place.
Man: There is no other place.
Hyde: What do you know? Looks like I got what you'd call a monopoly.
Man: You have change for a ten?
Hyde: Nope.

Red: Oh, what a game. That quarterback is 11 for 12 with no interceptions. He is hot!
Jeff: Ridiculously hot.
Josh: Oh? Another cookie?
Jeff: What?
Josh: Nothing. I just thought we were trying to slim down for the Bahamas.
Jeff: Well, excuse me, Mr. Two Scoops of Sherbet.
Red: You know, you guys don't need wives. You bicker like an old married couple.
Kitty: [chuckles] Red, I need to talk to you in the kitchen.
Red: Kitty, I'm watching the game.
Kitty: Red.
Red: Oh, fine. You know, I wish there was a bar we could go to where there'd be no women, just guys.
Josh: I know a few.