Donna: So, it's just not fair. He doesn't, like, get my friends 'cause he has some stupid, crappy basement.
Jackie: Right! You helped make that basement what it is today.
Donna: Right. No one would even go over there before me. It smelled like feet.
Jackie: Donna, you have to fight back. Okay, when a couple splits up, the woman deserves her fair share of the life she helped build.
Donna: How much is that?
Jackie: All of it! Donna, it's the law.
Donna: You know, normally, that statement would really offend me. But now that I'm single and pissed, you're making a lot of sense.

Jackie: Oh, we are so not talking.
Kelso: All right, Jack-
Jackie: I said not talking!
Fez: Well done.
Kelso: All right, Fez.
Fez: I said well done!

Jackie: Wow. Donna, you look great. What could it be? [gasps] Oh, I know. You lost 80 pounds of ugly fat. [laughs] Burn, Eric, burn!
Eric: Okay, first of all I weigh a 130- 49 pounds.
Fez: Yeah. You look good too, Eric. You lost your one true love, so... Looking good.

[circle:]
[Kelso is silent as Eric talks]
Eric: And then she just comes down in the basement like it's no big deal. After what happened? And she's just gonna act like everything's cool and everything's fine?
[As the camera pans to Fez, he is playing with his lip as Eric continues]
Eric: ...You don't love me, you don't get my couch or my friends. I'm a package deal, baby.
[As the camera pans to Hyde, he remains silent as Eric continues]
Eric: So, I just told her, "Fire up those walking sticks, Big Red, because this ain't happening. I'm not having it."
Hyde: [sighs] Hey, Forman, we were all there, and that ain't how it happened. You wanna talk about it some more?
[As the camera pans to Kelso, he turns to look at Eric]
Eric: Mmm, no.

Kitty: [to herself] Oh, my God, Red has a visitor. Red, Pastor Dave's here. For you! Hurry!
Red: Oh, yeah. I ran into him in the hardware store. You know, he was gonna try to paint his garage without priming. [laughs] That crazy bastard. [exits]
Kitty: [laughs] Oh, my. Red has a friend.

Donna: Psst. [whispers] What are you guys doing today?
Fez: [whispers] We're going to the basement.
Donna: [normal voice] Hmm. Sounds fun. But you know what sounds like even more fun?
Kelso: Oh! Playing with a bunch of monkeys?
Donna: Well... yeah. But we got cable TV at my house, which we all know has the potential for flashes of brief nudity. Nudity!
Jackie: Cable? Oh, you are so gonna win this breakup!
Fez: Now, wait just a minute. Eric is our friend, our brother. We cannot just abandon him for nude boobs.
Hyde: Good point, Fez. This nudity you speak of, are we talking full frontal?
Donna: Does it matter?
Hyde: No. Let's go.

Eric: So, you have no idea where everyone is?
Fez: Everyone who?
Kelso: [enters] Hey, you got any Popsicles? Donna's all out.
Eric: Oh, so that's how it is? Everyone's over at Donna's?
Kelso: Eric, man, I'm sorry. And I know that we've been friends for, like, a really long time but, uh, we were watching Barbarella on cable. Man, and I not only saw boobs, but I saw boobs in space! Yeah, space boobs, Eric! There's no gravity!
Eric: She got cable? That sneaky little wench.
Kelso: No, no. And corn dogs. [exits]
Fez: Oh, dogs wrapped in corn. Oh, sweet meat on a stick.
Eric: Just go.
Fez: Thank you.

Kitty: So, how was your day? What did you and your new friend do?
Red: Well...
[flashback to Red and Pastor Dave watching TV and eating chips in silence]
Kitty: So, that's all you did?
Red: Yep.
Kitty: Well, you didn't talk about anything?
Red: Nope.
Kitty: Do you hate him?
Red: Kitty, don't start.
Kitty: No, no, no. All I'm saying is, people with friends live longer. And you are not good at keeping friends. Bob's scared of you, and Earl isn't speaking to you. What about Frank?
Red: Frank's dead.
Kitty: Exactly. It is time to replace your dead friend Frank. I win. [laughs]

Hyde: Oh, man. Guy butt. Look away.
Kelso: I feel kinda bad.
Jackie: Hon, it's just guy butt. It won't hurt you.
Kelso: No. About Eric. I mean, he was totally in the right to kick Donna out.
Jackie: Oh, he was not right. Now, you agree with me!
Kelso: No.
Jackie: [pinches Kelso's arm] Agree with me.
Kelso: No! Donna broke his heart, and now she should have to pay.
Donna: Chex Mix?
Kelso: Oh, thank you, Donna.

Eric: Oh, there are all my friends. Hey, Donna, I found these socks of yours so I thought I'd just, you know, run 'em right over.
Donna: Eric, you can't hang out here. It's really uncomfortable, so-
Eric: Uncomfortable? [chuckles] Who's uncomfortable? [all raise their hands] Oh, fine.
Hyde: [sighs] Look, man, I'd go with you, but, you know, it's cable.
Eric: Whatever.
Hyde: Hey, want me to come by later and tell you about the boobs?
Eric: No! Yeah.