Red: So, Leo, Steven tells me that you're a photographer. How much do you charge?
Leo: Not much, man. I try to pay for everything with cash.
Red: Okay, never mind.
Hyde: Come on, Red, he's really good and he works cheap. Leo, tell him what your fee is.
Leo: A hundred bucks.
Hyde: How about $75?
Leo: $50 and that's my final offer.
Hyde: And if you bargain with him when you get there, you'll probably wind up making 10 bucks.
Leo: $15.
Red: Okay, fine, you're hired. But this is a big night for me. So I want you to clean up and look nice. These men are veterans. They deserve your respect.
Leo: Hey, I'm cool with veterans, man. Anybody that can put a cast on a dog is okay by me.

Red: Hey there, soldiers.
Veteran: Holy cow! Look who it is!
Red: As you were, men.
Veteran: It's Leonard.
Red: Leonard? Who the hell is Leonard?
Leo: Hey, I'm Leonard.
Veteran: Hey!
Red: Hey, how do you guys know him?
Veteran: We drove a supply truck together during World War II.
Red: Leo? You're a veteran? How come you never told me?
Leo: Well, there is a lot of things you don't know about me, man. For instance, I'm a veteran.

Red: So, Leo, what exactly did you do in the war? I mean, besides just drive a supply truck.
Veteran: Just drive a supply truck? Leo, did you tell them what you did?
Leo: No. It's embarrassing.
Veteran: You gotta tell them.
Leo: All right. I peed on Jane Fonda.
Veteran: Leo here drove his truck right into a German tank formation and rescued an entire platoon.
Bob: Really?
Veteran: Didn't you get a medal for that?
Leo: Yeah. I forget what it was called, but it was shaped like a purple heart.

Hyde: Guys, who put a sandwich in the cash register?
Fez: You can pay for things with sandwiches? Hello, Hawaii.
Leo: I did that, Hyde. Sorry, man, but I've been a little scatterbrained lately.
Randy: It's true, because I remember when I first met you, I thought, "That guy is focused."
Hyde: Yeah. You know, you've been acting kind of weird even for you. Are you sober?
Leo: No. Aquarius.
Hyde: So what's wrong?
Leo: I got a crush on someone, but I don't know what to do about it. It's been all long time since I've wooed a lady.

Randy: Okay, now, try to pick one of us up. [Leo lifts Hyde]
Hyde: What are you doing, man?
Leo: You looked the lightest.
Hyde: All right, put me down.
Leo: Okay. You're dumb and lazy. Oh, there's my lady. [to a woman his age] Excuse me, you're blocking the aisle. Hey.
Donna: Hi, Leo.
Leo: Come here often?

Randy: Hey, Leo, what's your idea of a romantic date?
Leo: November 13th. But this year it's ruined, man. I gotta go to the dentist.

Leo: Hey, I just had the best meal, man! Somebody left two whole steak dinners in there! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the monster truck show.

William Barnett: Hello, Steven.
Hyde: Hey, man. Hey, Leo, this is my dad, WB.
Leo: Wow! Now I've seen everything.
Hyde: You're surprised he's Black, huh?
Leo: No. His fly is open, man.

Hyde: What do you think, man? Can you fix it?
Leo: I don't know, man. You kind of caught me at a bad time. Right in the middle of Hawaii Five-O.
Jackie: Leo, there's no TV in here.
Leo: That doesn't change the fact that it's on.
Hyde: Look, man, I actually really need your help.
Leo: Okay, I can fix this, man. But I just need to do one thing to prepare.
[cut to Hyde, Jackie and Fez standing behind a seated Leo in the smoke-filled record store]
Leo: Okay, here we go. Gloves. Knife. Napkin. Can't fix a guitar on an empty stomach. [eats sandwich]

Randy: Hyde, I don't get it. We're going to destroy Mr. Forman's house and that's supposed to make him feel better?
Hyde: Yeah. Then he can fix everything and feel really useful. Red will be happier than the time he chased off those deadheads camping in the park.
Leo: Well, you can't camp there, man. Some bald guy chases you off.