Donna: Okay, just tell me where the pictures are.
Leo: Hey, not to worry. I hid them in a Barry White album.
Donna: Great. Where's that?
Leo: You'll have to ask the guy who bought it. Duh.

Leo: Check this out.
Kitty: I don't see anything.
Leo: Yeah, it's more of an emotional scar.

Red: Leo, I don't understand how you could go from decorated war hero to hippie degenerate.
Leo: Well, it all started the day I got back to the States.
[flashback:]
Leo: [v.o.] My buddy and I were saying goodbye.
Army Buddy: What are you gonna do now that the war is over, Leonard?
Young Leo: First I'm going back home to work in my dad's pharmacy for a bit and then it's off to medical school. See you, pal.
Leo: [v.o.] And then these jazz musicians pulled up in a car.
Jazz Musician: Hey, soldier. Do you need a ride?
Young Leo: No, it smells kind of funny in there.
Jazz Musician: [chuckles] Don't worry, kid. You'll get used to it.
[present:]
Leo: And that's the last thing I remember until you poured me this cup of coffee.

Fez: So, Leo. You're single again. You gonna be okay?
Leo: Yeah. I've already got my eye on somebody better. [to a woman his age] Excuse me. [to Donna] Hey, come here often?

Fez: I have a confession to make, too. I broke your toilet seat trying to re-heat some pizza.
Leo: Yeah, and I peed in your pool.
Jackie: Leo, you weren't even at the party.
Leo: I know. That's why I peed in his pool.

Leo: Wow, man. Impressive.
Randy: Yeah. Mr. Forman is really good at fixing stuff.
Leo: No, six across. "Impressive." No, wait, that's more than three letters.

Hyde: All right, man, thanks. Guess I'll see you later.
Red: Actually I thought I'd fix that wobbly chair before I left. [to a customer] Take a hike, hop-head. [hammers chair]
Leo: Hey, quiet. Oh, sorry, it's quilt.

Hyde: Why is the closed sign on the door?
Randy: Oh, Red put that up. He said I could either have a closed sign on the door, or an open sign on my ass.
Hyde: I should never have asked him to come down, man. He is bad for business.
Leo: You think that's bad for business? I've been stealing money for months.

Eric: I'm just gonna go home. Holiday Inn's on TV. Now, that's Christmas.
Leo: You can't go home, man. This pageant's your chance to spread some Christmas spirit, and that's contagious, like V.D.
Eric: I just- I don't think I have it anymore, Leo.
Leo: Ah, don't be fooled, man. V.D. comes back.
Eric: No, not- Okay. Yeah, I'll watch for that.