Fez: The new girl, Caroline. She transferred here from Sacred Heart. Or heaven. I'm not sure which. We have gym together. She barely sweats. Someday, I will make her my bride.
Hyde: Yep, no one likes a sweaty bride.
Kelso: Yeah, I hear you.
Eric: So true.
Hyde: Hey. Why don't you go talk to her, man.
Fez: [mutters]
[fantasy:]
Fez: You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
Caroline: Thank you. Your cocoa-brown skin makes me hot.
Fez: I know. I am irresistible. Would you like to dance? [reality:]
Hyde: Hey. Why don't you go talk to her, man?
Fez: Oh, I don't know, Hyde. I can't. I don't understand this. Usually, I am... I am suave. I am silky. But this girl makes me... I have to go to the bathroom.

Donna: Okay. I just won two tickets to the Led Zeppelin concert. I was caller number seven, and I won, and we're goin' to Zeppelin on Tuesday night.
Kelso: [chortles] All right!
Hyde: She said two tickets, not four, ya moron. We're not going.
Eric: Oh, my God, no. Did you say Tuesday night? I- I can't go Tuesday night. It's inventory night. It's mandatory.
Donna: Skip it, Eric. You love Zeppelin. Call in sick. Tell them your grandma died. Burn down the store.
Eric: You're right. You know what? I'm going. [Donna snaps her fingers] [Eric sighs] I can't go.

Eric: Oh, hey, did you see this? They gave me a PriceMart key chain. It's got a knife and everything. Yeah, I keep it in my pocket. Some of the other guys get jealous.
Red: Look, Eric, I know you're very excited about your raise and everything, but I don't want you to get too caught up in this.
Eric: Don't worry, Dad. I'm not about to alienate my fellow employees with my award-winning work ethic. I read the signs in the break room. There's no "l" in teamwork.
Waitress: Here's your check, sir, and thank you for eating at Smiley's.
[Eric tries to grab the check]
Red: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
Eric: You know what, Dad? I got this.
Red: Take your hand off the check.
Waitress: I'll come back.

Donna: Okay, stop. Whatever happened to suave, silky Fez?
Fez: You're right. I forgot about him. He's hot.
Donna: Exactly. So, go get her, Fez.
[Fez walks over to Caroline's table]
Fez: Caroline? It is Fez. May I sit? [Caroline nods]
[After Fez misses the chair and falls down, he stands right back up]
Fez: Okay, thank you. Great idea, Donna. [walks out]

Kitty: What's goin' on?
Laurie: Cosmetology is too hard. I'm quitting.
Kitty: Laurie, don't you think I wanted to quit nursing school a hundred times? The first time I put in a catheter, it broke off.
Laurie: But what if I don't get any better?
Kitty: Well, you will never know unless you stick with it.
Laurie: Oh, what do you care?
Kitty: I care because I'm your mother. So, I care.
Laurie: Well, we do start doing nails next week. That might be fun.
Kitty: And I happen to know a few patients down at the hospital who would love a manicure.
Laurie: Thanks, Mom.
Kitty: Uh-huh. Yep. It's- It's- It's just gonna perk 'em right up when they come out of their comas.

Eric: Dad. I've been thinkin' about why you went so crazy and yelled at me and I've come to the conclusion that you're crazy and you like to yell at me.
Red: There's somethiny you gotta know. You're- Well... You're an idiot.
Eric: Oh, great. A pep talk.
Red: Look, sit down. When I was your age, I thought I had it all too. Great job at the plant, nice steady paycheck. Just enough to, you know, string me along for 30 years or so. And for what? So they could toss me out on my ass when things got tough.
Eric: Dad, I'm not gonna-
Red: Look, don't get me wrong. I admire your work ethic. But you deserve better than PriceMart. You're a smart guy. And I'm, uh... I'm proud of you.
Eric: Whoa. Really? You- You think I'm smart? You're proud of me?
Red: Oh, geez. What, you gonna ruin this now by talking?
Eric: Listen, Dad. If I'm still workin' at PriceMart when I'm your- older, please kill me.
Red: You don't have to ask twice, son.

Laurie: Great. So, you don't mind being my model?
Kitty: Me? Oh, honey, no, no. I- I go to the beauty parlor. Okay, well... Well, maybe Eric can help out.
Eric: Oh, sure. Laurie, first of all, always run with scissors.
Kitty: Boy, I never get tired of your sarcasm.
Eric: Really? [Red clears his throat] Sorry.

Eric: So, not only are they gonna hang my picture in the front of the store, but I also get to represent our entire district in the national PriceMart Olympics.
Fez: That's nice. Do you think I would choke to death if I swallowed my straw?
Kelso: No, it's got a breathing hole. [Fez picks up his straw]
All: Fez, no!

Donna: Then who am I gonna take?
Kelso: No, Donna-
Hyde: You shut your filthy mouth!
Kelso: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Donna, seriously-
Hyde: I'm practically his brother.
Kelso: Hey, I've been his friend way longer!
Eric: Hey, you know what? I am going.
Hyde: Oh, crap.
Kelso: Still friends?
Hyde: Till death.
Eric: [sighs] I can't go.
Hyde: I'm in!
Kelso: Get killed!
Hyde: Shut up!

Kelso: Donna. In the ninth grade, I did an oral report on "Stairway to Heaven," and I got a B-plus. You gotta take me.
Hyde: Donna, in the ninth grade, I wasn't a dork and I didn't write a report on "Stairway to Heaven." And you gotta take me.
Jackie: God! She doesn't wanna take either one of you, 'cause she's taking me. Donna, M-E, me!
Eric: Okay, you know what? I'm going. [sighs] I can't.