Red: Need something, Bob?
Bob: Well, it's a funny thing. The wife and I, we're taking out a second mortgage on the house. Well, that's not the funny part 'cause we're pretty much destitute.
Red: It's a little bit funny, Bob.
Bob: Anyways, I'm looking at the deed to the property and the map shows that I own a couple feet of your driveway and a little bit of your garage.
Red: How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?
Bob: I wouldn't, to be quite honest.
Red: It's free.

[Eric and Donna kiss]
Fez: Excuse me. Our date is not over. Now, good day, sir.
Eric: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.
Eric: Fez, I'm not going anywhere.
Fez: Fine. Then good day. [walks away]
Donna: Fez.
Fez: I said good day!

Fez: [slurping] [sighs] That is the saddest sound in the world. [loud slurp] [sighs] No more soda for Fez. And no more money for-
Eric: Fez, do you need me to buy you another soda?
Fez: Oh, Eric, you do not buy soda. You only rent it. You know what I mean. I mean, you pee it out.
Eric: Yeah, I got it. Go.

Fez: Eric, I cannot thank you enough for lending me your girlfriend. It feels so good to be in a normal, healthy relationship.
Eric: Fez, it's a fake, pretend relationship.
Fez: You say tomato, I say tomato.
Eric: Fez, "to-mah-to."
Fez: What?
Eric: You say "to-mah-to."
Fez: Why would I say "to-mah-to"? That's not even a word, dummy.
Eric: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Fez: It's okay, Eric. Different strokes for different strokes.
Eric: Right.

Bob: You know, you two just don't get it, do you? That jam was on my property. I'll show you the deed. [clears throat] There's my lot. There's yours. There's the property line right there. [Red rotates the deed 180 degrees] Oops.
Red: Well... [clears throat] Looks like I own part of your property.
Bob: I, uh... I will not stand for this trickery! You get out of my house!
Red: No problem. [walks to the door and stands there]

Fez: Well, I'll have to remember that phone number.
Caroline: Hi, Fez!
Fez: Caroline! What are you doing?
Caroline: I knew you'd be in here. I saw you had the large root beer.
Fez: Caroline, you have to leave me alone.
Caroline: But I wanna be with you!
Fez: But I told you we're through because I am with Donna. Yes? Remember? Donna?
Caroline: Well, you'd better be, because if you're not that means you still love me. And if you still love me but you're not with me, I'll make you pay.
Fez: That would only be scary if I was lying about Donna and me. [weak chuckle]
Caroline: Well, if you are lying I'll know, because I'll be watching you.
Fez: Go ahead. I'm not afraid.

Kelso: I don't wanna blink, 'cause I'm afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.
Jackie: I know. It's torture for me too.
Hyde: I could tear your eyelids off.
Jackie: Let's go, Michael, to a place where our love is understood.
Eric: Oh, hey, while you're there check out the new monkey house. [Jackie and Kelso leave]
Fez: Oh, it never ends with those two. I love you, I love you, I love you- [blows raspberry]
Hyde: Guys, it won't last. Look, an object in an unnatural state must return to its natural state. Thus, Kelso and Jackie'll have a fight any day.
Fez: Really?
Hyde: It's simple physics.
Eric: Hey, you guys, you know what? We should get a pool going. We'll draw days for five bucks. And if they fight on your day, you win the pot.
Fez: The pot? If that's the prize, I am in.

Fez: Donna, I can't thank you enough for agreeing to help me with Caroline.
Donna: Hey, anything for a friend. But if she tries to hurt me, I'm using you as a shield.
Fez: Likewise.

Eric: [yawns] Yep, yeah, yep, yep, yeah. So, should I watch a ballerina movie or Get Smart? - [snaps] Get Smart it is. That's right. I said Get Smart. [turns TV on] I'm sorry, Donna. Did you want the last piece? [laughs] Well, it's too late. [chuckles] That's right. I said too late. Yeah, that was me. That's right. That was me. [Hyde enters] Hey, Hyde! Welcome to the bachelor life. You know, without Donna I've realized that I can revert to my natural state. I'm dirty, I'm lazy and I don't wear pants. I'm just like you.
Hyde: Oh, no, no. See, I'm an original. A Warhol. You're just a print.
Eric: Well, those are some pretty strong words coming from a guy who's wearing pants. Wait. This is my favorite part. [off Hyde's look] Oh, yeah, that was me. That's right. That was me.

Red: Bob, that's my stuff! You put the hell back my stuff!
Bob: Sorry, Red. It was in my part of the garage.
Kitty: What are you talking about? What is he talking about?
Red: Kitty- Kitty, let me talk to him. Bob, get the hell out of my garage!
Bob: Fine. [walks to the side nearest his property] There ya go.