Glenn: You have 83 pairs of shoes and none of them light up?
Garrett: No, but some of them are pretty valuable.
Glenn: Well, yeah. No, I bet.
Man: Excuse me, um, what could you tell me about these white Reeboks?
Garrett: Oh, yeah, those are the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps. Classic white-and-blue colorway with the mesh tongue. I even got the original box and the Pump hang tag.
Man: I have flat feet. How's the arch support?
Garrett: Those are original Reebok Pumps. When you buy a painting, do you ask how the arch support is?
Man: I'm just looking for something I can go hiking in.
Garrett: Please leave.
Man: What? No, I was just asking-
Glenn: Sir, he asked you to leave.

Amy: Just make sure you get the whole-
Jonah: No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say?
Amy: Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?
Jonah: Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice.
Amy: "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"?
Jonah: Steelersfan is the one who tweeted about how gross the bathrooms were. MayaJade's a little more spiritual, more in touch with vibrations and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things.
Amy: Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, #Cloud9Fail, #BadDayToWearSandals"?
Jonah: Wow. You are really, really good at this. It's like a one-line character portrait.

Mateo: Well, no one will even hire you if you're on call here all the time. That's why I didn't get that job as a shirtless greeter at Abercrombie & Fitch.
Marcus: Oh, I used to have that job, but in a guy's house. [stammers] I knew him. He was my wrestling coach.

Dina: You know what's weird to think about? That the default Newton was fig. I mean, why would you start there?
Amy: Yeah, I guess that is random. You'd think they start with something more basic, like strawberry.
Dina: Exactly, and then after many years, and trying many different fruits, maybe you take a chance on fig.
Amy: But, it's not a cookie, it's a straw-Newton? That doesn't have the same ring.
Dina: I guess. [sighs] Well, I guess at some point, we should discuss the new schedule and figure out where those hours are going to come from.
Amy: [groans] Yeah. Hey, what are you watching these days?
Dina: Mostly knife trick tutorials on YouTube. I can do a double rollout with a five-inch butterfly.
Amy: Grownups watch YouTube?
Dina: That's all I watch. What else do I need? It has everything you ever want to see in one place.

Myrtle: It's just that if I lose my hours, I can't afford my arthritis medication, and without my arthritis medication, I can't open the bottle for my heart medication, and then it just spirals after that and then I die.
Dina: You know what? I'm- I'm gonna see what I can do, all right?

Mateo: You don't know my life, and it's not that cushy.
Marcus: Dude, I'm homeless!
Mateo: Dude, I'm undocumented.
Marcus: Seriously?
Mateo: Yeah, so suck it.
Marcus: Oh. Hey, thanks for telling me. We have each other's secrets now. Let's make a pact. I won't say anything about your thing unless my thing comes out, and vice versa.
Mateo: Um, you can't say anything about my thing.
Marcus: And I totally won't, unless my thing gets out. Ride together, die together. [crunching]
Mateo: Oh, God.

Sandra: Hey Amy? I saw I only have 30 hours next week.
Amy: Yeah. Um, look, Sandra, everyone's hours have been cut.
Sandra: It's just a bad time for me. An identity thief stole my identity from the guy who stole it first, and the charges are racking up.
Amy: Oh, wow.
Sandra: And then, remember that Brazilian model who emailed me about opening a joint bank account? Well, that also went sideways.
Amy: Look, Sandra, um, I would help you if I could, but, um Dina made the schedule. Hey, Dina, um, do you think maybe you could throw Sandra some hours? It seems like maybe you cut too many. [winks]
Dina: Oh, yeah. No, sorry. The schedule I made is the schedule I made.
Amy: Come on, really? I mean, she's going through a lot right now.
Sandra: Yeah, I mean, my credit is only 60 and my Brazilian credit is two.

Cheyenne: All right, everybody. Let's show pollution what we think about it. [shutter snapping] Oh, yeah. Really good job, everybody.
Mateo: Can we take it again? I forgot to cover my chin with my hand the way Barbra Streisand always does.
Cheyenne: Okay.

Jonah: It's not a favor for me. It's a favor for the Earth. For your children. For your grandchildren.
Sandra: Mm, no thanks.
Cheyenne: I don't know.
Marcus: I can't even have kids. I fell off a four-wheeler when I was nine. Burst my ball sack clean open.
Jonah: Okay, well, I'll just leave the sign-up sheet at customer service in case you change your mind.
Marcus: I can still have orgasms though! [chuckles] They just hurt really bad.

Dina: I'm a vegan so it's basically like driving four Priuses.
Sandra: I play a game at home where I try to use less water each week. Now I only flush my toilet when it's full.
Amy: Okay, uh, that- That was a good discussion.