Sayid: Were you also the one who replaced the straws with these paper things?
Jonah: Yes.
Sayid: These have no structural integrity. Why did I even leave Syria?

Amy: So in honor of Earth Day, we'll be helping save the environment by switching to recycled toilet paper and selling The Day After Tomorrow on Blu-Ray for half off.
Garrett: That should do it.

Dina: I'm a vegan so it's basically like driving four Priuses.
Sandra: I play a game at home where I try to use less water each week. Now I only flush my toilet when it's full.
Amy: Okay, uh, that- That was a good discussion.

Jonah: It's not a favor for me. It's a favor for the Earth. For your children. For your grandchildren.
Sandra: Mm, no thanks.
Cheyenne: I don't know.
Marcus: I can't even have kids. I fell off a four-wheeler when I was nine. Burst my ball sack clean open.
Jonah: Okay, well, I'll just leave the sign-up sheet at customer service in case you change your mind.
Marcus: I can still have orgasms though! [chuckles] They just hurt really bad.

Cheyenne: All right, everybody. Let's show pollution what we think about it. [shutter snapping] Oh, yeah. Really good job, everybody.
Mateo: Can we take it again? I forgot to cover my chin with my hand the way Barbra Streisand always does.
Cheyenne: Okay.

Glenn: Jerusha and I have started unplugging the refrigerator whenever we're not home.
Marcus: Doesn't your food go bad?
Glenn: Actually, yeah, it's awful. We've been throwing away tons of stuff.

Marcus: Okay, okay. What if we did, like, a Jimmy Kimmel kind of thing where we call people and we tell them that their kids are dead? But then we're like, "Just kidding. But they will be in 50 years if we don't take action against climate change."
Cheyenne: Yes, I love it. Such a good idea.

Jonah: Hey, guys, I'm supposed to sign people up for some green initiatives. Anybody feel like helping start a compost?
Cheyenne: Isn't that where you put old food in a barrel and then stir in poop?
Jonah: Well, that's an over simplification.
Marcus: Pass! My doctor says if I get meningitis one more time, I'll die.

Amy: Uh, corporate is also asking us to discuss ways we can all live more sustainably. Anybody? [silence] I turn the faucet off while I'm brushing my teeth.
Mateo: Oh, I do that. I brush in the bathtub.
Jonah: Actually, baths are really bad for the environment.
Mateo: Yeah, but they're really great for my skin so, give and take.

Amy: Last but not least, each branch is now going to have an employee "green ambassador" to promote sustainability efforts within the store. Ours is going to be Jonah, obviously.
Marcus: A-doy.
Garrett: What up, dork?
Jonah: Thank you, everyone.
Amy: Oh, you don't have to speak.
Jonah: Well, I figured as green ambassador, I should serve the badge.
Mateo: It's a button. Calm down.
Jonah: "Now is the time to act on climate change! If global temperatures rise by just half a degree more, we will be at the point of no return towards a worldwide apocalypse in less than ten years. The Obama administration is working t-" Oh, this was printed in 2009.
Marcus: Well, did we make it?
Dina: Just looked it up. No. Not even close.
Glenn: Oh, no.
Dina: Somebody should really be paying attention to this.