Amy: So in honor of Earth Day, we'll be helping save the environment by switching to recycled toilet paper and selling The Day After Tomorrow on Blu-Ray for half off.
Garrett: That should do it.

Carol: So when we do need to masturbate, where are we supposed to go?
Amy: I don't know, maybe hold it?
Sandra: You can go to your car.
Garrett: Loading dock.
Cheyenne: Milk aisle.
Amy: [clears throat]
Mateo: There's a nook in the Garden Center that's good.
Glenn: Or hell.

Cheyenne: What other private areas do you spy on us in? Are there cameras in the bathroom?
Carol: Oh, my God, are you watching us masturbate at work?
Amy: Uh... no. And you shouldn't be masturbating at work.
Carol: Then how do you know I'm doing it? [raises hand for a high-five]
Cheyenne: I'm good, thanks.

Mateo: What is up with her lately? She's so uptight.
Cheyenne: Yeah, well, she's about to chill the F out. I had some ecstasy left over from St. Patrick's Day, so I put some in her coffee.
Mateo: Oh, no.
Amy: [o.s.] What the hell?
Mateo: She deserves it.
Carol: Oh, good for you.
Amy: [enters] You drugged me? What the hell is wrong with you? Oh, my God, my heart is beating so fast. Oh, how much did you give me?
Cheyenne: None, bitch. You caught.

Dina: Hey, Sandra, did you see a large Easter Bunny walk past just now?
Sandra: What did he look like?
Dina: A man-sized rabbit, Sandra. Two large ears, cottontail, capable of walking on his hind feet while using his front feet like hands. Why do I need to describe this to you?
Sandra: No, I didn't, but did see a zucchini that looked a lot like a cucumber, and I thought, whoa, that could really mess up dinner.
Dina: How is that helpful to me? Look, we have to find this bunny.
Sandra: Is it that big a deal what someone dressed up as an Easter Bunny on Easter?
Dina: It could be a serial killer, Sandra. Or a terrorist. Or a spy. So if you see him, call me on the walkie immediately. Code Cottontail.
Sandra: You got it. What if I see another zucumber? That's what I call a zucchini that looks like a cucumber.
Dina: I'd like to meet your mother and shove you back up inside of her.
Sandra: Yeah.

Amy: Glenn, you had an announcement.
Glenn: Yeah. Thank you, Amy. Uh, I just wanted to remind you all that I'm acting in my church's Passion play tonight. It's just a little part, Villager Number Four. I'm trying to do things that are kind of outside my comfort zone. Like, last week I tried hummus, and, I'm sorry, I'm not a fan.
Amy: Oh, do you think that I'm-
Glenn: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Amy: Or that hummus is- Thank you for trying it.

Myrtle: [video display] Hi! Welcome to Cloud 9.
Myrtle: Oh, why, thank you!
Myrtle: [video display] Do you like cool savings?
Myrtle: Yes, I do.
Myrtle: [video display] Why not check out our frozen treats in Grocery?
Myrtle: Oh, I will. Thank you so much. Frozen treats.

Amy: Um... Uh... You know, if you're still in between jobs, they just promoted me to manager.
Myrtle: Of the Cardinals?
Amy: No, of the store. [Myrtle gasps] And- And they told me that I could hire an assistant, but I don't really need and assistant, so... Why don't I just hire you?
Myrtle: Oh, really? I'll be the best assistant you've ever had.
Amy: No, no, no, you don't you don't have to come in. [whispers] You can just take the money.
Myrtle: I used to work for Mr. Nelson of Pan-American Airlines. I'll be here bright and early every morning with your racing forms and pipe tobacco.
Amy: Great. Yeah, well, welcome aboard.

Cheyenne: Maybe you just need to step up and start acting like a leader. Fake it 'till you make it.
Mateo: What does that even mean? Like, I should just start telling people what to do?
Cheyenne: It worked for Bo. One day he walked into a drugstore wearing a white coat, and now he's a pharmacist tech.
Mateo: Really?
Cheyenne: We don't have to buy street drugs anymore.

Mateo: Who would you pick?
Cheyenne: Okay, if I had to pick someone here, it would probably be... [off Mateo's look] Actually, you would be good for it.
Mateo: I know. That's what everyone is saying. But I don't think Amy sees me as a leader. In her eyes, I'd always be the wide-eyed ingenue new to the city, naive but hopeful, someone who can eat whatever he wants and never put on any weight.