‘My Rite of Passage’
Season 5, Episode 2 - Aired January 3, 2006
Elliot is reluctant to let J.D., Turk and Carla visit her at her new hospital. Dr. Cox steps back and watches as Jordan gets tricked by a drug addict patient, Mr. Thompson (Alexander Chaplin). Meanwhile, J.D. thinks he's built a good rapport with his interns, who laugh at all his jokes.
Quote from Carla
Elliot: Carla? What are you doing here?
Carla: Hey. Let me finish telling them this story. We were at this tiny little ATM machine...
[flashback:]
Elliot: I knew I shouldn't have had that chimichanga. I have to, you know... Ffft ffft.
Carla: Oh. Well, go for it. There's mostly guys here. They'll never think it was you.
Elliot: [tiny squeak]
Man: I think that blonde girl just farted.
[present:]
Carla: Remember that, Elliot?
Elliot: Yeah, I remember. Ha-ha.
Quote from Todd
Ted: Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts.
Todd: Hey! They have names. Tina, Marge, Sloppy and Mr. Snuggles.
Nurse Roberts: Sloppy's bigger than Mr. Snuggles.
Quote from Jordan
Mr. Thompson: Ooh, not gonna lie to you, not gonna lie, that hurts. Tell me about your kid.
Jordan: Oh, how'd you know I was a mom?
Mr. Thompson: As a parent, I can read the signs, you know? And let us not forget the understated coffee mug we're carrying.
Jordan: Oh.
Quote from Jordan
Jordan: So, what do you have, a boy or a girl?
Mr. Thompson: I have a little girl. I don't get to see her often enough. See, I don't know, a few years ago I had a little business problem.
Jordan: What was your business?
Mr. Thompson: Import-export. Yeah, I would import heroin into my bloodstream, I would export vomit and urine into whatever alley would have me as a guest. [laughs]
Jordan: Oh, sorry, that's a little smile I get when I'm silently judging someone.
Mr. Thompson: Anyway, the thing is, it's Jenny's sixth birthday on Monday, and I'm not really sure that I can fly out and make it. It's- It's hard to get a job, you know? Money's tight, I've got hospital bills that I can't pay.
Jordan: Sam, I am so sorry.
Quote from Nurse Roberts
Dr. Cox: I know who he is!
[flashback:]
Elliot: Just one little problem-
Mr. Thompson: Oh, my God! Just give me the drugs, okay, lady! For God's sake, I've been working you from every possible angle.
[present:]
Turk: That's the junkie who conned Elliot into giving him meds.
Nurse Roberts: It just got interesting, people!
Quote from Elliot
Elliot: Why did you come here, Carla?
Carla: You're mad at me? Why didn't you want me to come to your job?
Nurse: Hey, Bankfarter! If you want, we're all going down for lunch.
Elliot: You tell me.
Quote from Dr. Cox
J.D.: [v.o.] After all, the truth can reveal the ugliest part of people.
Turk: That guy has conned damn near everyone in this hospital. We've gotta warn her. [knocks on glass] Jordan! [Dr. Cox pulls him down] Whoa!
Dr. Cox: She wanted to work here, so let her see what it's like to work here. And for God's sake, will you be a man?!
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: How funny is this joke? That patient's tumor is so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor."
Keith: [laughs] "Threemor"! You are hilarious, Dr. D!
Turk: Awful. Awful! Awful.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] OK, be cool. They're just kids. Except Gloria. What is her deal?
J.D.: OK, guys, let's talk for a second as equals. All right? Seriously, I'm taking off my stethoscope and my little name tag. I'm not a doctor right now.
Lisa: You're still wearing scrubs.
Rex: We are in a hospital, man.
[later:]
J.D.: OK, we're off the property. Now let's talk.
Jason: Shouldn't we wait for Gloria?
Gloria: Coming.
J.D.: We'll catch her up later.