[fairy tale:]
Elliot: Oh, it's the dark lord's toadie.
Ted: My master approaches. Prepare yourselves for his untamed vengeance.
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] The Dark Lord Oslek was the evil ruler of the entire land.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, gang, how you holding up? That is a sharp-looking donkey.
J.D.: Told you.
Dr. Kelso: No speaking! A warning to all, any who dare set foot in my forbidden forest shall forever disappear.

Dr. Kelso: Murphy's shift ended and he was still here. So now he's going home without pay. If anyone would like to join him, test me.
Doug: I should at least take that body downstairs.
[A body bag is half inside, half outside the elevator. The door is repeatedly opening and closing on the body]
Dr. Kelso: I said out! [to Ted] Take care of that.
Ted: Ted: Aw, man. There goes my back.

[fairy tale:]
Carla: We need a monster-fighting potion.
Man: Sorry, this customer here is next.
Carla: What the hell are you?
Todd: I'm the Fairy Todd Something.

[fairy tale:]
Todd: You know, I have a big wand if you want to hold it. Of course, when it comes to magic, I just do this. Banana hammock! Fairy-five.

[fairy tale:]
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] And then before them appeared the bravest, most handsome knight that any of them had ever seen.
Dr. Cox: [to Elliot] Princess. [to J.D.] Princess.
Elliot: Brave knight, my poor maiden is being held captive by a monster that can't be beaten.
Dr. Cox: There is no such thing as a monster that can't be beaten. Hey, you. Hang on to that.

[fairy tale:]
J.D.: You know, I miss hanging out with you. Like, alone.
Turk: There's not much I can do.
J.D.: Last night, I had some grog with a guy whose hutmate is a barrel maker. Let's just say the guy has a saw.
Carla: Be careful, or I'll make your chin disappear. Oh, too late.
J.D.: That's not nice.

[fairy tale:]
Turk: I don't know what's scarier, the monster or that scary old lady.
J.D.: What scary old lady?
[reality: Dr. Cox and Jack scream as Jordan sticks her head, wearing a mud mask]
Jordan: Very funny. Perry, it's his bedtime.
Dr. Cox: But, Jordan.
Jack: But, mom.
Jordan: No buts. Lights out.

[fairy tale:]
J.D.: What's the monster like? Is he nice?
Dr. Cox: That monster cannot be slain by sword alone.
Turk: Baby, maybe you can lull the monster to sleep by telling him one of them boring-ass stories about your family.
Carla: That's it. [punches Turk's side in the crotch]
Turk: Are you out your mind, woman? We only got one ball.

[fairy tale:]
Elliot: Your ass is bleeding.
J.D.: Sasha, are you okay?
Elliot: No, idiot, your ass is bleeding.
J.D.: I know, my tail was ripped off. If it doesn't scab over, my soul will leak out. Why you looking at my ass, anyway, princess? Missing what you could have had when you tried to kiss me earlier? Good morrow!

[fairy tale:]
Janitor: Idiot, princess, you shouldn't be in the Forbidden Forest. The Dark Lord is near. Hide!