Tippy Bernstein: Moira fucking Rose. Wow. I mean, I figured time stood still in this town, but look at you! You are just as... gorgeous as the day I discovered you.
Moira: Oh Tippy. You're as alive as ever! No, don't get up!
Tippy Bernstein: No, no. Don't worry about it. Cured that vertigo years ago. I hired a hypnotherapist. Then I married her. And then I divorced her. [in a hypnotized voice] You-are-getting-very... broke.
Moira: Ha! [laughs] Tippy, I have missed that vaudevillian charm.

Jocelyn: And I got you extra performance time, I got the children's choir down to one song! Some of the kids cried.
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn. Jocelyn, why? Why, why, why, would you do that?
Jocelyn: Because you asked for more time, Moira!
Moira: But Jocelyn! Did you know that rehearsal, it can be the most enlightening and even heuristic exercise.

Jocelyn: Hi Moira, I don't wanna interrupt you, I can see you're busy watching the trailer again. I just wanted to apologize for earlier.
Moira: No need to self-flagellate, Jocelyn. Even if yours is the lone dissenting voice in the canticle.

Moira: David, don't tell me you've had a nighttime oopsie-daisy.
Patrick: I'm sorry, a what?
David: I'm leaving. Okay? And if I don't come back it's because of you. [exits]
Patrick: Me?
Moira: Ooh dear. David's nocturnal enuresis used to only happen when he went to bed all juiced up with excited anticipation about something. Christmas, birthdays, the Ides of March. And now it seems your impending nuptials has opened the floodgates.
Patrick: Oh! Why am I oddly flattered?
Moira: I can't imagine.

Moira: Well, I'm glad I caught you, because I got your missive about wanting to sup this evening, and I'm afraid I must decline.
David: What? Why? Why?
Moira: David, full disclosure, you have been awfully clingy of late. I think it might be propitious for you to spend some time with your peers. What's Patrick doing tonight? Or Stevie?

Alexis: You're looking especially fresh and photogenic today, Mother.
Moira: Why thank you, Alexis. Perhaps it's my excellent news. I found a very promising revenue stream to help finance the little deficit we've accrued on Cabaret.
Alexis: What might that be?
Moira: Well, according to the radio, there's a darling little medical clinic in Elm Grove. Where if any one of us, say, you, or your father, participates in a few nugatory tests, we could be bringing in over $200 a week!

Moira: Willkommen and bienvenue, welcome, you to "Cabaret!" [applause] Not now, not yet.
Jocelyn: Okay, yup.
Moira: I'm sure this will come as a shock to all of you, but this production will mark my directorial debut!
Alexis: Mmm...
[Moira looks to Jocelyn to start a round of applause]
Moira: Missing cues already. No, I'm- I'm simply here to inspire. And instruct, and bring out the very best in you. And I want to start the day with my lupanarian Kit Kat Girls!

Jazzagals: [singing] Fat spatula Fat spatula Fat spatula Fat spatula Fat spatula- Fat spat-
Moira: Ah! John, what are you doing here? Is it David? Oh no, you can speak freely in front of the gals.
Johnny: No, no, David's fine. David's fine. A little depressed. Stevie had to force him into her car, but you know.
Moira: Then, to what do we owe this off-book sojourn?