Leslie Knope: Damn it.
Derek: Why are you mad? You bowled a strike.
Leslie Knope: That's how I motivate myself, you know? Never good enough. [clears throat] Let me get you a beer. Cool.
Leslie Knope: These beers are as cold as the Tuktoyaktuk Winter Road.
Derek: You watch Ice Road Truckers?
Leslie Knope: Yeah, dude. It's my guilty pleasure.

Ron Swanson: Tom, I'm asking you as a man to stop this immediately.
Tom: Boom!
Ron Swanson: What the [bleep]?

Chris: [on the phone] Put the phone down, take a deep breath, and then you are going to tell Steven that you will be treated with respect, okay? And thank you for your donation.

April: [on the phone] Well, gee, I don't know, Fred. All I know is that I just want to live in a world that's a better place, and your contribution will definitely help us get there, to the... [sighs] Better-place world, Fred.

Leslie Knope: Yeehaw! Man, move over, pins. There's a new Sheriff in town. You are so down with strikes, they should call you Norma Rae.
Derek: Who's that?
Leslie Knope: It's a... Sally Field movie about unions. Doesn't matter. The point is, you're really good at this.
Derek: It's your turn. Try not to break a nail.
Leslie Knope: Ah, classic Derek with the zings. Man, that's what bowling is all about... hey.

Ben: How's it going?
Leslie Knope: It's going really good.
Ben: Oh, good.
Leslie Knope: Um, we're just hanging out and having a very good time.
Ben: Okay, I just wanted to remind you that when you're bowling, try not to fixate on just one pin. You're trying to knock down a lot of pins.
Leslie Knope: I realize that, but I will knock down this pin, and then this pin will knock down all the other pins.
Ben: Really?
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm.
Derek: Hey, could you get me another one of these?
Ben: I... I don't work here.
Leslie Knope: Classic Derek.

Jerry: You know, Chris, I hate to pull rank, but if you're going to take a break, would you mind going in the living room, just, you know, so it doesn't disturb everybody else.
Chris: Jerry, I love it when you pull rank. [exits]
April: You're being weird. Why?
Jerry: Milli's gonna break up with Chris.
Donna: [whispers] Shut up.
Andy: Oh, my God, that's gonna be super weird when they move in together.
Jerry: Yeah, I don't know when, but she is definitely gonna do it.

Tom: Hey, Ron. Were you trying to get a seven? Because if you were, you did a great job.
Ron Swanson: I am very angry right now.
Tom: [whines]
Ann: What?
Tom: [cries] My finger was in there. Ron crushed my finger. I think it might be broken.
Ann: Are you a female bird?
Ron Swanson: It was an accident.
Tom: Oh, my God, it's already swollen.
Ron Swanson: Tom, my God, do you have any pride at all?
Tom: You did this on purpose. You're jealous of my gift.
Ann: Okay, come on, Tweety Bird, let's get you some ice.
Tom: It hurts.

Leslie Knope: Uh, just one second. I'm running for city council, as you know, and uh, just wondering, do I have your vote?
Derek: No.
Leslie Knope: [chuckles] Derek. You old so-and-so. For reals, can I count on your vote?
Derek: Yeah, no, um, I don't think so.
Leslie Knope: But we've been here bowling all night, and we've been having fun. And you're still not gonna vote for me? Why?
Derek: I don't like you, okay?
Ben: Leslie, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Well, you're a crappy bowler, and I pretended to lose to you.
Derek: Yeah, right. I destroyed you.
Leslie Knope: No, it's true. I am a really good bowler. Ask Ron.
Derek: I don't know who Ron is. But if you're so great, let's play again.
Leslie Knope: Good. I'd love to. Tell you what, if I win, I get your vote.
Derek: If I win, you clean my house for a month.
Leslie Knope: Done.
Ben: Hey, Leslie. I'd like to introduce you to my good friend, anyone else.
Leslie Knope: Not now, Ben. I'd like to introduce Derek's ass to my foot.

Andy: [on the phone] $20? Thank you. Uh, you know, we're really looking for donations more in the $10,000 range.