Jess: Shh, shh, shh. Time for sleep. You get one story. Take it away, Nick.
Nick: I call this one Timothy and the Chi-Town Hobo.
Jess: [sings] Good night, Schmidt and Cece
Nick: "What are you doing in my box?"
Jess: It's time for sleep
Winston: Do, do, do, do, do
Nick: "growled the hobo"
Jess: You haven't slept now
Nick: "to Timothy, as a muss of hair and a pair"
Jess: For over a week
Winston: Do, do, do, do, do
Nick: "of young, sad, brown eyes..."
Jess: We hate to leave, but you should be Counting your sheep
Nick: "...peeked slowly"
Jess: Oh, good night, Schmidt
Nick: "out of a... cardboard box."
Jess: And Cece, good-night
Ruth: Good night! [glass smashes]

Nick: Hey, listen. What is that sound? Sounds like a gravel driveway in there.
Jess: Seventh grade. Pumping my fist too hard at a Weird Al show.

Jess: We did bad things to the tub.
Doug: [speaks in Spanish]
Winston: I got the sugars. I'm the sugar man. [laughs]
Nick: Silence! I have the talking soap!
Jess: [crying] I'm the queen of Wednesday!

Jess: Nice day.
Fawn Moscato: Beautiful.
Jess: What happened to the top of my hat? You take it? [laughs] A little, uh... little visor humor. Give me back my hat! I'm kidding. [chuckles] I'm just joshing. Just Joshua, Joshua, joshing... Do you ladies want to join my network?