Delores: Harry, I'm telling you to go get her.
Harry: I'm telling you no.
Tim: Look out, guys. Here it comes.
[As Tim and Marty look away, Delores gives Harry the look. Harry tries to withstand it while Al and Benny freeze in terror.]
Benny: Oh, my God! I've never seen anything like it. Where's the podiatrist? I'll go get her myself.
Al: Listen, I'll drive you there.
Harry: I'll show you the way!

Tim: [to Bud] I've been together with Al for six years, though.
Delores: OK, you've got 14 plates of potatoes coming.
Tim: That's... That's just great, Delores.
Delores: OK, I've got hash browns, home fries or O'Briens.
Tim: Am I your only customer?
Delores: No, but you're my favorite.

Marty: Guess your day's going better than ours.
Tim: Guess again. The Mustang's in the shop. I'm driving Jill's Nomad. I hate driving her car. I get in there... Of course, no gas, hasn't been washed in, like, three months. There's cookie crumbs in the front seat. Why can't she take care of a car? How simple would it be...
Delores: Could it be that she's a tad busy going to school, raising three kids and making sure you have a nice house to come home to?
Tim: Could be. [Delores walks off] This is unbelievable! Something's seriously wrong with this country if you can't walk in a hardware store and complain about your wife, I'll tell you that right now.

Delores: OK, here are your egg dishes.
Tim: Oh, it's great, Delores.
Delores: Your hot cereals and breakfast meats will be out in a minute.
Tim: Okay. [to Bud] You know, I'm really adamant about this with Al. I have to...
Delores: Your get choice of bacon, ham or sausage.
Tim: Sausage. [to Bud] The reason I think Al...
Delores: Links or patties?
Tim: Links, please. The first...
Delores: Mild or spicy?
Tim: Just surprise me!
[Delores straightens a plate on the table and then walks off in a huff]

Delores: I want the Knicks on February 21st.
Harry: Oh, I hate the Knicks.
Benny: I'll go with you.
Tim: Oh, sorry, Delores. That's one of my eight.
Delores: I'm from New York, and I want the Knicks.
Tim: Well, tweedle-dee-dee, I'm from Detroit, and I like the Knicks. I bought them. I'm not selling them.
Delores: Oh, really? [gives Tim the look]
Tim: She is good. Really good.

[Harry walks in on Delores hugging Tim]
Harry: Tim? What are you doing here?
Tim: Well, certainly not what it looks like.
Delores: He came over because he's a caring, loving human being who recognizes the importance of family unity.
Harry: Are you drunk?
Delores: I'm gonna leave you two alone. Now, try and open that thick skull of yours and listen to what he has to say. He's a lot smarter than he looks.

Jill: So, what else is new?
Delores: Well, they cut my hours back at the coffee shop from full-time to one day a week.
Jill: Oh, Delores, I'm so sorry.
Delores: Well, of course, they didn't take any hours away from the younger, prettier waitress.
Harry: She's 60 years old! They didn't take any of her time because she's nicer than you.
Delores: I'm nice! Tim and Jill think I'm nice! Don't you think I'm nice?
Jill: Oh, yeah. So nice.
Tim: Yes. You give new meaning to the word "nice."

Delores: Well, maybe when my shift is over, I'll go talk to him.
Tim: Well... why don't you go now? I'll cover for you.
Delores: Yeah?
Tim: Yeah.
Delores: Well, thanks. I mean, there's nothing to it. You just pick up the orders and give them to the customers.
Tim: OK.
Delores: Oh, and make sure to smile. People don't like a sourpuss.

Marty: Oh, listen. If Tim is anything like Bob, he'll never change. Every night it's the same. Seven o'clock: "Where's the food?" Seven-oh-five: "You call that food?" Seven-fifteen: "Why'd you let me eat so much food?"
Jill: Tim does all that. Then he opens his pants, sticks out his gut, and belches.
Delores: Nobody is more set in his ways than Harry. Every Saturday night at 11:30 after the sports report, he wakes me up and asks the same question: "You want to do it?"
Marge: And they say romance is dead.
Delores: It's been that way for 25 years. I wish he could be a little more spontaneous and skip a Saturday every once in a while.

Benny: Gotta be some doughnuts in here someplace.
Marty: [holds up coffee machine] Hey, Benny! I found it!
Benny: Great.
Delores: All right, you freeloaders! You got five minutes to buy something. Otherwise, you're out on your fat rumps!
Marty: She brings a soft, gentle quality to the hardware store.
Benny: Being around her really is depressing. I have half a mind to go out and look for a job.
Al: Yeah, well, how do you think I feel? I'm part owner, and she makes me feel like a stock boy.
Delores: Hey, stocky boy! Run across the street and get me some hot tea.
Tim: Yeah, "stocky boy." Remember how she likes it - two sugars and a big lump of arsenic.