Frasier: Do you suppose that your Man Friday might be available on a Monday or a Tuesday?
Gil: You want to steal my Chung?
Frasier: No, no. Not steal him, just, just borrow him for a day or two a week until I can re-staff.
Gil: Oh, a dangerous notion, Frasier. You know how employees gossip about their benefactors.
Frasier: Well, I have nothing to hide.
Gil: Yes, but suppose while on your premises he lets something slip about me and Deb and our heart-shaped bed?
Frasier: I would refuse to believe him.

Gil: Brilliant show, Frasier. Chock full of pithy insight.
Frasier: What do you want?
Gil: A favor. Bonnie Weems, the Auto Lady, just asked me to another one of her wretched dinner parties. Well, I was planning on saying that you and I have ballet tickets, so do back me up.
Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, I can't.
Gil: But you've got to. Have you any idea how vile her food is? The local raccoons have posted warning signs on her trash bin.
Frasier: Yes, you see, she already invited me, and I told her I was driving my father to his army reunion at Rattlesnake Ridge.
Gil: Oh, very clever. Well, I'd use it myself, only I killed my father off to escape her Labor Day clambake.

Gil: Frasier, I've come to tempt you.
Frasier: Really?
Gil: I'm reviewing the new pastry chef at Chez Shea. And I quote: "His amaretto eclair is so sinful, it will send you scurrying to your local padre for absolution."
Frasier: Uh, no, thank you, Gil. I'm on a diet.
Gil: Oh, come now! You know you want it.

Gil: Frasier, one of Nigel's lines seems to be missing.
Frasier: Why, yes, I had to cut the play by twenty minutes.
Gil: Oh, yes, yes. But that line so neatly defined Nigel's character.
Frasier: Saying "Gesundheit" after the butler sneezes?
Gil: It shows he's a caring person.
Frasier: It's cut, Gil. Learn to let go.
Gil: Oh very well. As long as I still have that delicious speech about my boyhood in Surrey.
Frasier: Yes, that's still in.
Gil: "Romping with my school chums in the fens and spinneys..."
Frasier: Yes, yes, that one. Thank you.

Frasier: When the lights came back up, a smoking gun lay on the table. The maid lay dead, unable to name her killer and Nigel Fairservice lay mortally wounded.
Gil: I'm dying!
Frasier: Poor man was gone.
Gil: Never again to revisit the scene of my boyhood in Surrey, romping with my school chums in the fens and spinneys...
Frasier: Just then the lights went out again. [gun sound] Nigel Fairservice was shot again.
Gil: Only grazed me. When the twilight bathed the hedgerows like a lambent...
Frasier: [gun sound] The final bullet... blew his head clean off his shoulders. All right people, let's try to keep calm although it's hard when the killer is among us.
Gil: Hi-ho, I'm Nigel's brother, Cedric. I haven't seen him since our boyhood when we romped-
Frasier: [gun sound] And so died the last surviving member of the Fairservice family.

Gil: Oh my! What a delectable medley of fromagian splendor. You must try one.
Martin: Mmm, cheesy.
Gil: Mmm, yes, "cheesy". The mot juste. It must be glorious to have such a happy knack for clarity and concision.
Martin: Yep. So who're you suppose to be?
Gil: Chingachgook. I'm the Last of the Mohicans!
Martin: Oh! Well, that little mystery solved.

Roz: I had a babysitter tonight, my plans fell through, karaoke might be fun.
Gil: [entering] Karaoke? Tonight? Oh, I'd love to.
Frasier: Well Gil, I'm not sure you'd enjoy this.
Gil: Oh nonsense. If we're going to the one on Pike, I keep a locker there where I store my own microphone and show jackets.

Poppy: Before I begin my new show I just want to say a few words. Yesterday, I was ready to leave KACL. To run away, as I have from so many other challenges. It was the support of one man, Frasier Crane, that helped me overcome this shyness many of you may have observed in me, and to follow my dreams. Oh my God, I want to cry.
Gil: We all do.

Frasier: Oh, Gil, Merry Christmas.
Gil: And to you, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, thank you.
Gil: I hope you've saved room for dessert.
Frasier: Have you been baking?
Gil: I have! Gingerbread men.
Frasier: Oh, my. And don't they look... muscular!
Gil: Yes, well, the wife and I made a New Year's Resolution. Deb and I have joined a gym to slim down and buff up. We made these to inspire us.
Frasier: Ah, yes. Nothing strengthens a dieter's resolve like a good motivational pastry.
Gil: Precisely. The problem is they're so delicious, I've already had three. [picks one up] This is my last little man, I promise. Mmm. Oh, Gil, who are you kidding?
Frasier: [to himself] No one, Gil.

Gil: Frasier, I'm here to give you an advance tip.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: Hey, Gil.
Gil: Roz. I'm about to review a divine new Italian trattoria I've discovered called "Bella, Bella."
Frasier: Ah.
Gil: I'm alerting you now because once I review it, reservations will be impossible to come by.
Frasier: Well, thank you, Gil, it's always gratifying to be a few minutes ahead of a trend.
Gil: They make an osso buco that's so divine I call it the veal shank redemption.