Ray: All right. I'll see you later.
Debra: You won't see the kids later.
Ray: No? You found a buyer?

Debra: What? What's going on?
Ray: You see the kids? Look.
Debra: What? They're eating.
Ray: But look.
[As the kids eat their cereal, they touch the spoon to their chin before taking each bite]
Debra: Oh yeah, it's cute when they do that, huh?
Ray: What do you mean, "When they do that"? They do this?
Debra: Yeah, once in a while.
Ray: Why are they doing Robert's thing?
Debra: I don't know. They love him.
Ray: How come I never see them imitating any of my things? Which are they're quirky without being ridiculous.
Debra: Like what?
Ray: You know, like the face I make when I comb my hair.
Debra: And it bothers you that the children haven't taken that up?
Ray: I'm just saying that if they're going to imitate somebody then they should aim higher.

Robert: All right, kids, let's finish up and then who's ready for the zoo-zoo zoobalee-zoo?
Kids: Yeah!
Ray: Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys, instead of the zoobaleezoo, how about if Daddy takes you to the better zoobaree-zoogaree-zoo?
Kids: [silence]
Robert: What are you doing?
Ray: No, nothing, I'm just thinking that I should take them to the zoo.
Robert: But I thought you had golf.
Ray: Well, my children happen to be more important than golf.
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Right now I'm eating in the normal human way and then the zoo.
Debra: You Ray, may I see you in the other room for a moment, please?
Robert: Yes, and I'd like to have a word with you too, Raymond.
Ray: [to the kids] All right, guys, just remember, straight to the mouth, okay? "You cannot win if you touch the chin."

Debra: Ray, the kids have plans with Robert for today.
Robert: Yeah, I even brought some goat food for the petting zoo.
Ray: What kind of guy walks around with his own goat food?
Robert: A guy who's prepared. I happen to have it leftover from last time and there's plenty if you want to go with us.
Ray: Hey, what you mean "with us"? If we go the the zoo, it's you that goes with us.
Robert: Is this about who's driving?
Ray: No look, why should I have to explain myself, okay? I, as the father, think that it's in their best interest to go to the stinking zoo with me today, okay? You can have the day off.
Robert: Oh, it's "in their best interest," huh? Well, maybe it's in your best interest not to have me there.
Ray: What does that mean?
Robert: Well, I just happen to know for a fact that they really enjoy my company. I am after all, a whole lot of fun.

Debra: They do enjoy you, Robert.
Robert: Thank you.
Ray: What you think they enjoy him more than they do me?
Robert: Not just them.
Debra: Wha?
Robert: Wait, so you're saying my kids prefer you to me. Is that what you're saying?
Robert: Actually, you said it. If you're waiting for me to disagree, you might want to take a seat.
Ray: Oh yeah, well why don't we ask them?
Robert: Go ahead.
Ray: 'Cause I'll ask them. You don't think I'll ask them? I'll ask them right now.
Robert: Ask away.
Ray: You don't do that to children.
Robert: Oh yeah, that's right. You're all about the children, yeah. [sings] I believe the children are our future.
Ray: Oh, shut up. Shut up.

Robert: I just have one question. Who do we have a photo of at his children's Christmas pageant wearing headphones, huh? I think that's the same person who tried to get the postman to babysit one day. [Robert & Debra laugh]
Ray: What are you are you on his side now?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: What did he do he started it.
Debra: No, he just wanted to take the kids to the zoo.
Ray: Well, maybe he should get his own life.
Debra: No, don't listen to him, Robert. Ray, apologize.
Robert: It's quite all right, Debra. As it happens, I do have my own life. A very full one. So for the sake of the children, I'll just slip out the front door and go enjoy it. I will also borrow your TV Guide.

Ray: You stare all you want. You know what you're staring at? The person that's right. Yeah, so go ahead, just keep on staring. What?
Debra: Nothing. You're really on a roll today, huh? Why don't you call up your father and tell him he's mean and old and fat?
Ray: Sounds like you have something you want to tell my father.
Debra: Listen, I don't care how insecure you feel about what kind of father you are. What you just said to Robert was way over the line.
Ray: What look, he should get his own life. Who is he to come in here and tell me that I am bored with my own kids?

Ray: Come on, kids, we're going to the zoo.
Ally: Where is Uncle Robert?
Ray: Um, Uncle Robert had to go do some police stuff, 'cause there was a kitten that got stuck in the tree and they need to climb up him to get it.
Ally: Can we go see Uncle Robert and the kitten?
Ray: No, no, no, no, 'cause you know why? 'Cause actually it's not a kitten, it's a snake.
Debra: Ray!
Ray: Yeah. Come on, guys, let's get dressed. Let's get dressed for the zoo, guys. Come on, come on, we're gonna go to the zoo and Daddy is gonna make his famous zoo snacks.
[Ray checks the fridge and pulls out a jar of pickles before putting it back. He goes over to the food cupboard and grabs a box]
Debra: That's your famous "zoo snack"?
Ray: "Animal crackers," put it together.

Marie: Who told Robert to "get a life"? [Ray tilts his head towards Debra]
Debra: Ray?
Ray: What? It could've been you.
Marie: Oh, Raymond, how could you do that?
Ray: Okay, first of all, you're only hearing one side of the story, okay? And you're taking it way out of context and blowing it way out of proportion. Because I will say this the things he said to me were outrageous.
Marie: Like what?
Ray: Like I am not a good father. That's right, he said that in my own house, in front of my children.
Debra: He did not say that in front of the kids.
Ray: Well, they were in the next room. And Robert has that big booming voice which to children sounds like God, okay? All right? So just before you come in here and start accusing me maybe you should just look in the mirror with Robert standing next to you.
Marie: You go to your brother and apologize.
Debra: Yeah, I agree with you, Marie.
Ray: I'll fight you both.

Marie: I mean Robert has problems, he has many problems. But, but he's a devoted brother.
Ray: Devoted to bothering me.
Marie: He loves you, Raymond, and your family. How could you tell him to get a life when he's trying to help you with your children?
Debra: That's exactly what I said.
Marie: Yeah, because what I see is that you are at work, and at a ball game, you like to play the golf-
Debra: Where do you think he was going this morning?
Ray: Okay, but now I'm not.
Marie: Well, let me tell you something. If it wasn't for Robert doing things with the children once in a while, they'd be sitting in front of the television set all day.